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E - Everyone

Life

by Steggy


life isn't about being
a piece of china in your grandma's
old cabinet. or about how
people throw fishing rods into your heart, expecting
new feelings to emerge.

no, it's about being able to
show color through different brush strokes and
punching walls with broken hopes and dreams.
and expressing yourself through
tiny words that used to be the sand are now
sandcastles of your deserted beach. 


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126 Reviews


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Wed Jan 17, 2018 3:28 pm
Thisislegacy wrote a review...



Legacy here for a review.

I love this poem so much. My favorite lines are "show color through different brush strokes and/ punching walls with broken hopes and dreams."

I could really feel the emotion in this poem. You do have some awkward punctuation but I think the aesthetic is really helped with everything being in lowercase. But please make sure that when you use punctuation, that you are using it to either help the flow or to make a point.

That's all I have for you today. Legacy out.




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124 Reviews


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Tue Jan 16, 2018 1:50 pm
LakeOfCancer wrote a review...



I love this poem, while it may be short, it still says a lot about life. I love how you say that life isn't about being a piece of chins in grandma's cabinet. Very creative, artful even, if that makes sense. I especially live this line: "And expressing yourself through tiny words that used to be the sand are now sandcastles of your deserted beach." I think it's a great metaphor saying how you make life your oyster. I think that you did wonderfully, I can't wait to see more poems fro you!:) Keep up the fantastical work!:D




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Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:44 pm
Gigi12 says...



Wow, this is really good!
I love the images you managed to create in my mind. my poems are shit! this was a work of art




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Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:41 pm
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neptune wrote a review...



Hey there Steggy! This is no longer in the green room but I thought I'd review it anyway, especially since it is something everyone can relate to!

Since this poem is very thorough and there's not a whole lot to comment on, I might be a little nitpicky. Hopefully it will help though. First thing that caught my eye was the beginning stanza. We are introduced with a metaphor of china in an old cabinet. Then, we jump straight to fishing rods and hearts. I think the transitioning could've been better here. I want a thorough understanding of how those two things go together (why they are in the same stanza) and what they have to do with life. Everything has a reason for being written in a particular area.

I liked the different perspectives, of what life is and isn't. It would've been bland to just have what life isn't, especially when the title of the poem is 'Life', haha. It would be interesting to see what other negative and positive experiences you could write about, seeing as the imagery was extremely vivid but the words together weren’t specific. Adding negative/positive ‘life’ related words might enhance the stanzas.

The main issue I had with the poem was transitioning with thoughts and concepts, as I said before. You have a clear message but the way it’s portrayed could be more organized than how it is now. You have the premise of metaphors and when it’s executed it goes from one piece of imagery to another without links of transitions.


and expressing yourself through
tiny words that used to be the sand are now
sandcastles of your deserted beach.

This part was a mouthful. It was a lot to read at once and I think it might need rewording (unless I've just read it wrong). Perhaps something simpler, but still getting the same message across? Also, I love the sand imagery. This was probably the one area that went into most depth. I really enjoyed it!

I think the ending was nice. It wasn’t the best though. You had a concrete idea but it kind of stopped abruptly. Maybe wind down and slowly end the poem on a more powerful note, like something like this line:

show color through different brush strokes and
.
Or some other powerful message. The ending has a lot of potential.

I hope this review helped a little. There wasn’t much to comment on so sorry if this was kind of bare; I tried giving my best advice. Thank you for sharing this poem!




Steggy says...


Thank you for the review! :D



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Fri Jan 12, 2018 7:10 pm
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thundereagle wrote a review...



I like the way you have written this. so many poems especially those about life, give one the impression that the author is trying to be as profound as possible. this poem does a good job of talking about life in a manner that suggests the author isn't trying too hard. good. not everyone needs to try and write the next poem that will be quoted to death by high school seniors for the next several generations. there are already enough of those.




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Fri Jan 12, 2018 6:02 pm
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StuckOnEarth wrote a review...



Hi! Space the Snickerzdoodle here for a review. ^^

I really liked this poem while I was reading it. It has a nice lyrical feeling to it, and it made me kinda nostalgic by just reading a few stanzas. I don't really know why though, except that it held a very nostalgic feeling to it as it kinda talked about what life really was. I believe that life is not set in stone, it is not perfect and you cannot write out your fate yourself, and I liked that this poem wasn't just like "life is perfect, enjoy it", it talked about stuff like "punching walls with broken hopes and dreams", meaning it's not perfect but you can still fight through it.

I really liked it, good job!
My one recommendation is to maybe make both stanzas more even, so they roll off the tongue a bit easier. That's really all!

-Space





There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.
— Christopher Darlington Morley