Young Writers Society

Hiya! Space here for a review!

Wow, this was absolutely AMAZING. The metaphors, style of writing, description, the topic--it all mixed together into a heart-wrenching, yet sadly relatable, poem. Some of my favorite lines were "The brutal brute that lays a nest in her mind spreads his eggs and continues to make a mass production", "Every single time she raises her voice and bellow down the faceless fiend feeding on her fallible mind, she cannot capture the moment or the focus or the f*cking reason why there is an anonymous ghoul resting upon her brain", and "Do you know anything about depression, about wanting the depths of depression, the epiphany of blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness grabbing her soul into a deep, dark pit of despair feels like?"

It is all very true, ("--there is no direct solution as to why she has depression. She just does."), depression is never a choice or a grab for attention, it is very REAL and someone who does not experience it will never know the feeling of hopelessness and loneliness that plagues the brain, clouding all thought until the only solution is to put it all to rest. This was described very well, along with the true fact that suicide is not selfish. In NO WAY is it selfish, and this poem described these feelings very well.

All in all, I enjoyed it a lot! You definitely have a lot of talent, and I look forward to reading more of your pieces!
Good job!

-Space the Snickerdoodle

Hi, I really like this piece of writing.
My heart felt ripped open by the time I was done reading it, the writing was amazing and beautiful.
This was strong and powerful in it's message and you don't sugar coat the real, raw pain that comes with depression.
It reflects a feeling that I think many people feel from time to time, the wish to just be respected and treated as a human being by other people.

This was amazing! Thanks for posting.

Hi,
I know this is a very late review, but I couldn't not write one. This is honestly such a raw and heartfelt poem. I've also been suffering from things like this, and you've literally just spoken my mind!
Now, for the structure of the poem, I think you've made a great decision. The fact that there is no fixed structure reflects on how the speaker's emotions don't fit a certain category, it's unknown, unnamed almost I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like the structure reflects on how disoriented the speaker is. I think one big issue is people just feel so horrible and they don't even know why, and you've also done a great job of explaining to those who don't undertsand that, like you said, "she cannot capture the moment or the focus or the f**king reason why there is an anonymous ghoul resting upon her brain".
I also loved how you didn't shy away from this whole topic at all, you didn't sugar coat it and you didn't romanticize it, which is often the case when it comes to people speaking about mental illness, especially depression.
The whole tone throughout the poem is just bleak, and almost reflective of the speaker's state of mind.
Another thing I loved was the title: "when the quite girl stands up". Like she's finally defending herself, or at least talking, how every one else always asks her to. Instead they don't get the answers they were looking for, it's almost like society itself just shuts us up, because if we can't be happy then we should have nothing to say. I think I don't make sense lol sorry.
I loved this so much. It really resonates with me.
I'm really looking forward to reading more of the things you'll write.
Thanks for sharing

Hello!

So first off, I love this. Your expression of the girl's pain is shown clearly and masterfully. You also promote a good message of not just telling those with depression to "get over it" or "just think positively!"

My only real suggestion is to possibly change the line "the brutal brute," as it sounds a bit redundant. Anyway, this was beautiful, keep writing!

Hello! I have a short review that I hopes help a bit.
This piece, I can tell comes from a deep place and maybe is even something you have felt in the past, or maybe even now in the present.I am sorry for that.

In some lines you have a period in others you do not. I do not know if that was on purpose or just a subconscious action.
I do like your own unique poetic touch to this poem. I would say that you put a really good perspective on a topic that has been growing in many years. Some would even say it has been over written about, but reading this piece, you kinda ignore that. I would love to read some more of these kinds of things.

If you do need to talk to someone though, if this is how you feel..I am available. I have dealt with depression before so I think it would be good for you to talk to someone who has gone through this. Im Jessica by the way! xoxo