Hiya, Querencia! I'm determined to get through these!
Finnley dutifully worked his way through the work — it was just like busy work at school. Can you correctly copy this spell? What piece of this spell is missing? What would you need to activate this spell? What object would be best to place this object on? There had to be enough magicians out there for someone to have made a magical workbook.
I love that there's something school-ish about magic. It makes it seem more real and accessible, not just epic and dramatic like we usually see in fantasy novels.
Also, this is a side note, but is Finnley still working in the antique shop? Does he have an actual job role, or is he just being paid to be Mr Vaughn's apprentice? I'm just curious, because we don't seem to be hearing about his duties towards customers or anything.
“You guess. The words are similar in English, but they’re taken much more literally in the magic language,” Mr. Vaughn responded. “The spell in this answer key would keep the words on the paper the same as long as the spell lasts, but the paper will still yellow and tear and crumple. The spell that you wrote will actually preserve the whole paper, and keep it from these things.”
I love the concept of translation being a bit of a barrier to spell-writing!! The idea that similar words in English can have really different effects on a spell is such a cool detail. It makes the pursuit feel more real. To that end, it's probably worth thinking up an actual name for 'the magic language'. If magic can be found in all cultures (which I'd imagine it can) then you'd expect there to be more than one language.
“Not that I know of,” he replied. He had a strange, sudden pang of longing. He wanted to see his father, to tell him about this, to ask about his family heritage. But he hadn’t seen his father since the year before Allie’s death.
This is very nicely woven in, but isn't his father dead? Did you change that detail?
“But it’s just Mia. She’s been having nightmares, and I just want to do something.” There it was.
I feel like his desperation to do the spell would make more sense if Mia had consistently been having nightmares. As far as we know she's just had it once, and everyone has nightmares occasionally. Don't get me wrong, it is sweet that he wants to do it, but it doesn't feel like a really pressing issue to me.
Overall thoughts, then? My favourite thing about this chapter, by far, is the discussion about the magic system. I was worried that it wouldn't be unique enough, but you've completely put those anxieties to rest. It feels like a real academic pursuit (one that my nerdy ass would jump at the chance to study) and I love the little details you're putting into it.
Intrigued by the comment about Finnley's dad, as well (even though I totally remember you saying that he was dead at some point and now it seems like that isn't the case). Still I'd be intrigued to know more about his father's side of the family and find out if there was some history of magic there.
Nevertheless, the plot trajectory itself still feels quite aimless. The only major conflict is 'I want to put a spell on Mia's pillow' and that isn't quite enough to carry my interest. It isn't like anything majorly terrible will happen if he doesn't do it. Mia did say that she'd not had the nightmare since she was a kid, so I can't help thinking that there would be every chance that it would go away by itself.
Keep writing!
~Pan
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