Young Writers Society

Hey, it's Codayy here with a quick review. Unlike what other people are saying, I do like the simple voice in this piece. Why? I think what you were aiming here was to use a simple robotic language and structure to portray someone who submitted to the party life full of electronic music and thoughtlessness. While I typically like huge poems based off of imagery, I think this worked. I hope this was encouraging at least!

I love this, not because it's about how you need something to drown out your broken hearts or untold feelings, or even that heartache that you feel for someone but you know it won't last you long enough, is so refreshing. Kinda gives me a good idea what it feels like. ;( But that's okay, I need you to ignore my emotions for a bit and just focus on this review. Anyway, I love how you worded this and how it rhymed together, the line I loved the most was "Drown out the world Until you don't see His face anymore." I feel like it brought this whole poem together and gave us an understanding of what it was about. I can totally relate to this emotionally and I understand how you felt when you wrote this. I think...let's just say I do...anyway, I loved this sooo much, I can't wait to read more of your poems that involve these sorts of themes. Keep up the amazi-

Pollution: I will delete your last line and write one myself!!!!!!!! Delete it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*I roll my eyes dramatically and give Pollution an About face*

Hello, speakerskat! Let's dive into the review.

This poem was such a great idea! Never seen anything like it. The one thing, though, is that it was very quick and simple. Of course, this is your decision, but I find poetry with more content and depth in it is more fascinating and seems to have more imagery. You were pretty straight to the point and I'm sure you could add something else to this. Generally, adding more stanzas that specify what is going on between the narrator and "him" would help this poem.
I also had a problem with repetition with the word "until". I liked your use of it all the way up to the point of your last stanza. By that point, it gets almost too repetitive. It bothered me a little that it was the same thing and could have used something else to it. I love how you repeated what you "can't" do in the last stanza, but starting every line with the same word was too much. I see my point of view differs from other people who have reviewed, but the repetition isn't doing it for me.

Until you don’t know,

What love is.

Hi, speakerskat! RavenLord here with a review!
First of all, I absolutely love this poem and can relate to it; music is my escape from reality. I really couldn't find much wrong with this piece, but as a reviewer it's my job to criticize so I'm gonna nitpick a bit and see what I can find.

One: This is really minor, but punctuation isn't constant. In the first three stanzas you don't add a period or any punctuation at all to your stanzas, but in the last stanza you use commas and periods. Like I said, super minor, and I kind of like the fact that it gives a sense of finality to the piece to signify the end.

Two: Poetry is strongly based on figurative language, which this piece seems to lack. I don't mind that, but it might make your poem better if you added in a metaphor or two, maybe go a little more in-depth with the relationship between the two people and the music's role in making the narrator forget.

Okay, time for positive feedback: I loved the last stanza and its repetition of the "Until" lines. I find that sort of thing really packs emotion into a poem. The first stanza was also really nice and gives the reader a pleasant slap to the face to get them invested in the poem. Very well done!

Thanks for reading and awesome job!

Regards,
RavenLord

Review from Murphy! I like the feel of the poem. Music is a very powerful tool for literally anything. Question, is this a break up or overwhelming love for someone? I only ask because the is feels like it could be and upbeat song, kind of like Paramore, but the words sing a different tune. Anyway, it's very creative and sounds like it could be turned into a catchy song. Thanks for the read!