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Control

by Thisislegacy


Stay in control, 

Don't listen to your head,

You know it just 

wants you to be dead. 

-

Lose control

Cry, scream

You know what happened 

wasn't just a dream. 

-

Legacy here, yes I know this is very vague but it's what I could come up with right now. I am looking for reviews on my other recent poems as well, but I know my French poems don't get very many reviews since many have to use Google to understand what I am saying. Have a nice day and stay safe. Legacy out. 


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User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 30
Reviews: 6

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Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:41 pm
TysonJames wrote a review...



Hey Legacy! I was just looking for something to review when I came upon your work. I think that you are a great poet as you can interpret the things what others can't, in a poetic way. It is actually a very good poem, with quite a deep meaning. The shorter the poem, the deeper the meaning. Keep up the good work.
Best of luck!




Thisislegacy says...


Thank you :)



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237 Reviews


Points: 19779
Reviews: 237

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Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:41 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing:

The poem very effectively conveys the dichotomy of a human mind by depicting one side urging suicide while the other refusing to comply. Setting these two in separate stanzas enhances the divisive impression intended.

My first reaction as a reader is concern. Then a wondering about what might be causing such an inner conflict that imperils the person's life. Could it be based on an imbalance of cerebral neurotransmitters which forces the person to obsess constantly over negative thoughts?

Or could it perhaps be due to the supernatural forces which the Bible describes as evil and dedicated to cause as much harm to humans as possible before they meet ultimate destruction?

For the first I feel like recommending that the speaker seek professional medical help. For the second I feel like advising the speaker to seek spiritual help via seeking our Creator's help.




Thisislegacy says...


I currently am seeking medical help and taking an antidepressant. :) thank you



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291 Reviews


Points: 25447
Reviews: 291

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Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:12 pm
DemonGoddess wrote a review...



Hello Thisislegacy! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Stay in control,

Don't listen to your head{.}

You know it just

wants you to be dead.

-

Lose control{.}

Cry, scream{.}

You know {that} what happened

wasn't just a dream.


My interpretation:



This is about suicidal thoughts, huh? I understand this... I have suicidal thoughts myself. If this is about yourself, PM me if you can <3

Overall:



I did love this. This is read-between-the-lines material and it's short and sweet. That is something that I always admire in poetry. Like poems that make me think, like this one. This poem also reminds me of Control by Halsey. It's about the dark side of depression and how people press Halsey too much. It's really good :D I recommend you check it out.

**Poison leans over** Focus on the poem.

Whoops, haha.

I probably should get back to not fangirling over Halsey right now :P

**EH HEM**

So yes, I really enjoyed the poem, and I think that it deserves the like I'm giving it (: keep up the great work!

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

Image


This review courtesy of
Image




Thisislegacy says...


Thank you :)



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Points: 377
Reviews: 4

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Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:48 pm
CorruptedArrow wrote a review...



Hey CorruptedArrow here! You have a good start, to your poem.
"Stay in control,
Don't listen to your head,
You know it just
wants you to be dead." There is no need for this many commas, one is enough. But how you are telling this poem; "Stay in control. Don't listen to your head. You know it just wants you to be dead." Periods can be used. I makes more sense. I'm not trying to be mean here I'm just trying to help.

"Lose control
Cry, scream
You know what happened
wasn't just a dream." The only thing you need to fix is, putting a period at the end of "Scream". Theses are all the problems I found, but you keep going with the poem.




Thisislegacy says...


Thank you :)





Ya, definately!




A ruler leads by example, not force.
— Sun Tzu