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16+ Mature Content

Finding Sincere/ Urban Fiction/ Chapter 1

by MookMontana247

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.


Can you really believe it's the last day of the school year?,” Joshua whispered to his best friend Sincere as they sat and listened to their teacher give a lecture about being safe over the summer.

“Yea I know,” Sincere replied back, as he stared out the window, lost in thought. At 11 years old, sincere had been through enough trials and tribulations to make even the strongest man throw his hands up in defeat. In and out of foster homes since he was born, Sincere learned early on that he was all that he had in this world. That was until he was taken in by the Marshall's family. They welcomed him into their home with open arms. Not able to have a child of their own, they poured all their love into him and he came to know them as mom and dad.

so what you doing this summer?” Joshua asked. Joshua and Sincere had been best friends since he moved to Vermont 6 years ago. Their love for basketball brought them closer together over the years, and they each planned to make it to the NBA one day.

“ my mom and dad signed me up to go to basketball camp for 3 weeks”, Sincere answered while trying to contain his excitement. But for once it wasn't because of basketball. The Marshall's were finally going to make it official and he'd finally really be their son. Deep down inside Sincere would choose a family over basketball any day, and it was finally going to happen.

aww man, your really going to make the squad at Edmunds next year”, Joshua replied excitedly. “we gon have all the girls”, he laughed. They continued to joke around until the bell rang and the last day of school came to a close. After gathering all of their belongings, Sincere and Joshua stepped outside into the humid heat to wait for their parents.

Sincere's dad was the first to arrive as they stood at the curb watching the other kids board the school buses. “well here's my dad, maybe I can meet you at the park tomorrow if they say it's ok”, Sincere told Joshua before he opened the car door.

“yea that sounds cool, I'll ask my mom.”, he replied as he watched Sincere get in the car and pull off.

“How was school son?”, Sincere's dad asked as they exited the parking lot.

it was good, we had a small party, and talked about our plans for the summer”, he replied. “Josh says he knows I'll make the team next year”, he added proudly.

well with your talent son, thats a high possibility. You just have to stay focused. Either way, me and your mother are very proud of you”, he told sincere. “Hopefully when you make it to the NBA you can get us some court side seats”, he added jokingly as he gave sincere a playful punch. Even though he wasn't his real father, Sincere looked up to him. He was everything sincere wanted to be, strong, smart, and handsome as ever, well at least thats what he overheard his mom call him. Sincere never asked about his birth parents because in his eyes they weren't thinking about him, from what he was told is that his mom died giving birth to him and no one else would take him in. It didn't matter to him though because the Marshall's were his parents now.

Sincere snapped out of his train of thought as they pulled into their driveway. He watched his mom step outside to greet the two most important men in her life. Debra Marshall was the type of woman any man would be proud to call their wife. Standing at 5”4, 125 lbs, high yellow complexion, and long jet black hair, Debra looked a long way from being a 40 year old woman. Due to being raped by her step father at 10 years old, she was unable to bear any children as a result, so she gave her all to her work and husband. They figured that adopting a child would bring that certain happiness into their home that they so badly craved. And that happiness was a 5 year old boy named Sincere.

Getting out of the car Sincere could tell that his mom had been crying from her puffy eyes. The only time he saw her like that was when she watched those depressing old lifetime movies. But this look on her face said that this was something far different

Hey ma, you okay?”, Sincere asked concerningly as he gave her a small hug around her waist and noticing that she was shaking a little. “you're shaking, whats wrong!?”

yea I'm okay baby, go take your stuff upstairs while I talk to your father”, she replied, trying to keep the tears from escaping her eyes. Instead of putting up an argument as usual, Sincere did as he was told.

Baby whats wrong?”, Nate Marshall asked, rushing to his wifes side. Her weak body collapsing in his arms as he carried her inside. She fought long enough to keep from crying in front of Sincere and now the flood gates were open as she tried to muster up the right way to tell her husband. “ok babe, lay right here, and im going to go get you a glass of water”, he added, laying her on the couch and rushing into the kitchen. Returning with the glass of water, Debra slowly took a sip as tears continued to roll down her face.

“they're…..taking my…”, she cried softly, unable to believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. “he's all I have Nate…….. they taking my son”.

hold on, slow down, what are you talking about? Who's taking my son?”, Nate asked as his voice boomed through the house. Raising louder than he intended. Pacing back and forth, he tried to gain his composure before sincere overheard him.

I got a phone call from Child Protective Services nate”, she said, letting it sink in before she continued. “They said Sincere's biological father contacted them…...and...and he wants Sincere”, she relayed as her tears began to fall once again. Nate stood in utter shock as he let her words process through his head, unable to hide the anger he now felt.

how can they let him do that? Where was he these past 6 years?”, he asked to no one in paticular. “we can fight this, they are not taking our son”, he added surely.

“there's no fighting this nate, he'll be on the first flight here tomorrow to get Sincere”, she said with so much pain in her voice. Nate felt a strong pain in his chest as he let debras words soak in, not knowing exactly what to say or do. They sat in silence as nate held his wife while they both shed tears..together……..

Chapter Two

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161 Reviews

Points: 1850
Reviews: 161

Sat Dec 16, 2017 4:39 am
mellifera wrote a review...

Hey there, MookMontana247! Scribbleinks here, dropping by for a review!

You seem to have the start to a pretty interesting novel concept here! I also think the name Sincere is pretty cool. I've never heard anyone use that name before, and I think given the right context, it's a really neat name.

-I like the way Sincere's past hasn't made him bitter or resentful - I feel like in most books I've read with an orphan who has spent time in foster houses, there seems to be a recurring theme where they have a really negative outlook on life, but Sincere seems to just be genuinely happy to be with his family and to have a friend like Josh. I love the relationships that Sincere has already as well, and it'd be interesting to see how you expand that.

-You have several capitalisation errors, such as:

At 11 years old, sincere had been through enough trials and tribulations to make even the strongest man throw his hands up in defeat.

-The S in Sincere's name should be capitalised

so what you doing this summer?” Joshua asked.

-The S here in So should also be capitalised because it's the beginning on a new line and new dialogue.

But the whole capitalisation is a minor error, and can easily be remedied.

-Following up on that, you have some grammar and punctuation mistakes. There are places where there are punctuation marks are out of places or there are too many. For example, there are several places at the end where you use a handful of periods, when you should only be using three.
I would just go back and proofread it. Maybe get a spellcheck/something similar to help you out with some of those. Overall, easy fixes :)

-I'm curious as to why Nate and Debra refer to Sincere as 'their son', as in each says 'my son' individually. Wouldn't they say 'our son'?

-I was going to touch on custody issues, but I looked below at Holysock's review and it seems like she's already covered that, but I would encourage you to look into that. Of course, they differ from state to state (or country to country, but I'm just assuming this is set in the US and I apologise if I'm wrong), but I would check to see what the law says!

Overall, good job! Keep up the good work and have a great day! :D


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440 Reviews

Points: 2550
Reviews: 440

Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:04 am
Holysocks wrote a review...

Hello there! c: If you're writing this novel and posting it as you write it- congrats on starting a new novel! I think that's always something super exciting and worth celebrating.

So far, you've nailed the conflict/tension thing! Yikes! Sincere just got a family he's always wanted, and then, suddenly his world is being tipped up-side down! I wonder how Sincere will react when he finds out? I mean, I expect he'll be upset that he's not being given a choice in the matter, and I also suspect that he'll be a little intrigued- if you've never met your biological parents, I'm sure the prospects of finally meeting them would be exciting as well as daunting.

One thing I wanted to mention was simply to remind you to do your research on these types of topics. Sincere is twelve, if I've done my math right and understood you correctly, which means he can actually choose who he wants to be with- his biological dad, or the ones that raised him. At least, I'm assuming he'd be allowed to because by the time my best friend was around 10/11 she was allowed to say that she didn't want to visit her dad anymore, and that was the end of her visits with her dad (parents separated, and she always had to go see him as a kid until she was old enough to say she didn't want to). So to me it wasn't really believable that suddenly a dad that had no prescience in this boy's life would be allowed to take him, at all, let alone on such short notice. So my advice is to do your research! Ask some people who have been adopted, ask some people who have adopted, ask some people about custody stuff and all that jazz! The internet is great nowadays 'cause you can research just about anything, and you have access to all the professionals in the world on the internet. A good place to start though, is right here on the forums of YWS in Research- you can ask people about all kinds of stuff, there. c:

Another thing I wanted to talk about is your dialogue! The dialogue in this chapter is a little stiff. By stiff I mean when the characters are talking, they're not really talking with ease, they're talking a teeny bit like robots. For instance, say a father offers his child a chocolate bar, and the child replies: "I do not want a chocolate, Dad, thank you." vs "No thanks, Dad." or "Nah I'm good, thanks." When people talk, they don't use perfect grammar and sentences, usually. Human's are lazy creatures; we do and say what's comfortable to do and say. My advice to you is pay close attention to how your friends and family talk. Pay attention to the people on the bus with you and how they talk. People watch. It's actually a lot of fun, and you can learn a TON.

Other then that, I wish you the best on your novel! It's so exciting to be starting a new project like that- or even if you're just now posting it and wrote it awhile ago! I'm interested to see what kind of person Sincere will turn out to be! Keep it up!


"And what is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures or conversations?"
— Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland