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E - Everyone


by Radrook

Hey you! Decrepid fellow in the glass,

You pallid apparition I disowned.

If you were me, I would not be aghast

and cry aloud in horrifying moan

whenever you appear and leer at me

in dismal mornings when I stand and look

with apprehension at what I might see

and ponder what was once and aging took.


Hey you in dismal mirror staring back,

you vile imposter claiming to be me,

who grimaces in pain as if attacked

at slightest flutter of a winter breeze

or cringes at the flight of soaring high

above the mountain passes far below.


You are not me!


I am the youth who challenges the sky

Defies the mauling years with face aglow!

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11 Reviews

Points: 310
Reviews: 11

Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:17 pm
HollyM64 wrote a review...

I really like this. The actual idea is great in and of itself, but the execution is excellent. I love the structure and the insulting language, it really does drive home the feeling of the narrator when it comes to their appearance. I also like how defiant the ending feels, I can understand how some people may see it as sad, but the way I read it made me think of someone saying "yeah, I'm old, but life is still fun!" I somehow doubt that's what you intended but that's how I felt reading it. Overall, really good work!

Radrook says...

Thanks for the review. I like the interpretation you give the ending. It certainly can be legitimately understood in that positive way.

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15 Reviews

Points: 34
Reviews: 15

Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:53 pm
ellasnotebook wrote a review...

Hello! I really liked this poem, I like the message you sent and the story you told through it. I kind of think the ending is a happier one, although I can see why people would think it is a sad one. I think it ends with the man vowing to not let his old age get the best of him. Maybe I'm just having an unusually positive outlook. (:

One thing I noticed is that you used an old spelling of the word "decrepit". "Decrepid" is how it used to be spelled before the 20th century.

"and cry aloud in horrifying moan" Something about the word "horrifying" is awkward to me. Is my brain just being weird? Probably. But here's an alternative that sounds slightly better to me (In my humble and usually strange/usually wrong opinion):

"and cry aloud with a terrible moan" sounds better to me for some reason.

"and ponder what was once and aging took" might sound better as, "and ponder what once was and aging took"

Other than that, I really enjoyed this poem. My favorite lines were the last two. It just sounds determined to me! That's just my interpretation. This was really good. Keep writing!


Radrook says...

Thanks for the review and for the advice. Very much appreciated.

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Points: 119
Reviews: 3

Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:28 pm
269609 wrote a review...

That was great. The thing about "defying the mauling years" is very realistic. As I interpret the speaker is in denial because no one wishes to leave their youth behind them. I love the way the stanzas flow this is a good poem through and through. I believe I understand it as well, though you are free to correct me if I am wrong. It is not a rare thing.

Radrook says...

Thanks for the review. Very much appreciate it. Yes, you understood it as intended.

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14 Reviews

Points: 738
Reviews: 14

Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:09 am
VictoriaAnderson1230 wrote a review...

Nice feel very clear but at the same time sad. It's always hard to be at war with yourself especially about something that can't be stopped and in this case, it's aging. It's clear that the character in this poem is very distressed about it and has the 'Peter Pan' syndrome in the sense he/she wants to stay young forever. Clinging to the past. Very moving piece It was definitely an enjoyable read. Minor correction I don't think you really need [ ---] your paragraphing for the poem was quite good but that could be your artistic choice for your writing. :) Great job keep it up!

Radrook says...

Thanks for the review. The reason I use -- is because I can't find a way to create stanzas without it in the Publishing Center. I tried using HTML but it doesn't work. Here in the Green Room there is no problem and the spacing is reproduced. But spacing it on the publishing center in that way has it being published as one big mass of text. Why? Beats me. Any suggestion would be appreciated.

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16 Reviews

Points: 226
Reviews: 16

Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:38 am
DeathBecomesHer wrote a review...

This is interesting. You know that saying that goes along the lines of "you never truly feel old"? those are the vibes I'm getting from this. Its a huge fear for most people, to grow old and bitter. This really brings that fear to light and makes the reader realize the true shortness of life. I really liked this, I like your writing style and the ideas you went with! keep writing my dude

Radrook says...

Thanks for the review!

We think in generalities, but we live in details.
— Alfred North Whitehead