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Language Violence

Nothing: Roadkill (3)

by DeathBecomesHer

  Most people listen to music when they walk to school. They try to drown out everyday life with over excessive amounts of Taylor Swift. People who like Taylor Swifts' obvious lack of talent are not to be trusted. Then again, you shouldn't trust anybody.  

  I was distracted by an flock of ravens by the roadside. The unkindness of ravens were feeding on a maliciously torn up deer, probably got hit by a car sometime last night. the hyperextended head of that innocent deer stared at me with its dead eyes, as the ravens feasted on its decaying meat.

  In some folklore, ravens are a symbol of death. If a raven was seen around your house while you were giving birth, they would kill it, for fear it would cause the death of the child. Its also generally known as a bad omen and a name you give your child if your trying too hard to be cool.

  the unkindness paid no attention to me as I witnessed their feasting. I almost wished I was a raven, so I could peck peoples eyes out if they were mildly annoying. I sometimes imagine myself doing that, what it would be like to feel the soft orbs pop into my claws, to feel the blood...

  I left the creatures to their maggot infested meal, not looking back as the smell of rotting corpse left my nostrils. Those ravens live a happy life around here, fat and happy on the mangled deer that show up at 3 in the morning. Funny how, a happy life for them is feeding on the misery of others.

   I found school to be irrelevant, I was already above everyone in my grade and the grade above me and everyone knew it. I was the most clever, no one could ever top me. 

   I showed up for Mrs. Porters class so she would tell my mom I showed up to school. I wasn't planning on spending the entire day with these imbecilic wastoids.  I couldn't stand the overwhelming feeling of the seemingly contagious acne crawling on my skin and infecting my pores. 

  I watched the rain outside the window intently, counting the seconds till the class was over and I could leave this tiresome place. I heard a whisper say something about me being emo and wallowing in my sadness and I chuckled slightly.

   Emo is short for emotional. Emo is someone who listens to My chemical romance and cries when someone makes fun of their eyeliner. Emo is not me.

  Wallowing in my sadness? they must be joking. 

  "Probably planning on shooting up the school." I heard another whisper. 

   I mimicked a smile, which I knew looked unnatural, and sickly, and I stated,

   "Do I look like a guy with a plan?"

    The horror on their face should've made me feel joy. Maybe even terrified that I would say such a thing to a person. I made a finger gun and slowly pointed it at them and jerked it back as if it was firing.

    Images of their bloody faces and dying screams echoed though my mind.

    I sighed and put my chin down a top of my crossed arms on the desk. 

    I still felt...



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42 Reviews

Points: 57
Reviews: 42

Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:16 pm
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lelu wrote a review...

Hey! I think I'll be reviewing all your stuff, not too long even though I won't get any points but just because you're a friend and I don't want to bother with thinking up things to write. Good stuff: mystery, grippingness, the mention of Taylor Swift and the unkindness of ravens. Question: What's the difference between a murder of ravens and an unkindness of ravens? You mentioned Raven as a name people give their kid if they're trying too hard to be cool. Does this have anything to do with Raven Bordeaux/Borderaux and do you not like her story now? Not that I've written it, though. Anyway, bad stuff: Grammar is great but punctuation needs a little work. I have less problems with the story than about your slight obsession with gore. I think you need a little help, my friend. She doesn't actually feel destructive towards them; it's more like OCD, just an uncontrollable compulsion. But if she can control it, then what can't she control? She could control weather or something crazy like that. Whatever. This is pretty well written. My only real problem is that you have a slight preoccupation with gore, and it can improve your writing but it's too strong. It does you no good if you let it control you. Maybe that's gonna be the whole book--does it control her, or does she control it? Does her crazy differentness set her apart and make her a hero, or a villain? And her name was Maleficent. No, wait, it's a guy. Or is it? Or was that a quote from something? Whatever.

lelu says...

And being a hero doesn't mean she's suddenly normal and likeable and boring. Heroes are actually usually unpopular. She'll still be her. Or is it a guy? he/she will be more them than ever, more individual. That or a crazy clown. An amazing crazy clown, but still.

yes i agree, i do have a slight obsession with gore, but it is a horror story. its supposed to be unsettling. anyways, the characters opinions arent necessarily my own, i personally think raven is a cool name but im trying to make the character seem like a jerk. i think im going to make this more of an realistic story so no powers sorry. also a flock of crows is called a murder and a flock of ravens is called an unkindness. somehow none of your reviews ended up in my notifications so im just seeing them now sorry

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14 Reviews

Points: 738
Reviews: 14

Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:19 am
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VictoriaAnderson1230 wrote a review...

Yasss love the fact that whenever I sign in I see that there has been an update on what is slowly becoming my favorite YWS story. Once again your use of imagery is godly. So vivid so real I feel as if I'm there with the character. Grammar on point and storyline still shrouded with the heavy veil of mystery, leaving your readers like the character feeling slightly hollow inside but for us, we don't feel anything but the longing for more. Keep up the great work I really do love and look up to your writing it is really good and this is a darn good read. :)

Hello again! I was afraid you would be disappointed in this chapter because it was as shrouded in mystery as the others. But, I'm glad you liked it! Again my motivation is replenished from your kind words! next part should be up soon :)

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125 Reviews

Points: 3456
Reviews: 125

Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:02 pm
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LakeOfCancer wrote a review...

That was amazing! I love how you used different images in your mind to create different images that seemed quite literal in our minds. In other words, good job using the words you used creating amazing pictures that we saw in our minds. I loved how you described all the things that went through your mind so creatively. I insist that you continue to make stories like these, they appear to be the stories that I only like to read because they are so creative with their wording, just like you did in this wonderful and exquisite short chapter. Great job on this! Keep up the great work!

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28 Reviews

Points: 316
Reviews: 28

Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:30 pm
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HollyM64 wrote a review...

I know I kind of referenced this in the last chapter, but you are bloody good with your imagery! I love this character, especially the way his thoughts work. Not just that he is clearly psychotic, but the fact that at times, his thought process is genuinely quite funny (sidenote: it is now a goal in my life to use "imbecilic wastoids" as an insult.) Structure and pacing are great. Only word of advice I would give, check for typos, there are a couple of sentences that are starting with lower case letters. Other than that, really good chapter!

Thank you so much! I always appreciate your positive feedback! Its nice to have someone read this and not think I'm clinically insane XD

"I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
— Lewis Carroll