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J'étais avec toi

by Thisislegacy


Pendant que,

J'étais avec toi.

La curiositie me rapproche et

La peur me fait hesitate

-

Nous n'avons pas été aussi proches

Apprendre des choses que nous ne savions pas,

Faire des choses que je pensais ne jamais faire.

-

Dans ma voiture nous assais

Les deux sont tellement nerveux

Naive, innocent.

-

Finalement

Tu m'as embrassé

Si doucement

Doucement, mais avec l'envie

Hey it's Legacy here, practicing my French again. I did have to use Google Translate a bit so if it isn't in the correct form and doesn't make sense, please let me know. :) Au revoir. 


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Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:22 am
rosette wrote a review...



How lovely!
I don't know much about French, but a poem written in that language does seem to have a certain romantic quality. I like how it looks. I can't read it, but hey, this is a super cool way to practice.

Like the other reviewers I had to pull out my Google Translate, so while I might understand the content, any special features the French version might have had (like alliteration or assonance or whatever) don't read quite the same in English. Also, I think trusty ol' Google got some tenses mixed up. :p

When I first read this, the first two stanzas seemed to stand independently. According to my translation (hopefully, it was correct), you're saying while you were with Person curiosity brought you closer, but fear made you hesitate; you've never been so close, you're learning new things, doing new things. So it sounds like a summary of your relationship so far; you're describing, telling us about it.

But the next two stanzas zoom in on a scene: you're in a car, and there is a kiss. (How sweet <3). It's not a summary or telling of anything; you're showing now. But just those four stanzas connected like that seemed a little disjointed. This whole poem is about this one scene, right? The beginning stanzas were vague concerning that. But again, like I said earlier, this might be partially due to translation errors.

I suggest you put the English version along with the French, in case you do this next time. Ooh, and if you were wondering if your French was incorrect, there is a Translations Club on here! I'm sure someone on this site knows French well.

Hope you found this helpful.
Thanks for sharing!

~rosette <3




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Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:54 pm
DemonGoddess wrote a review...



Hello Thisislegacy! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Okay, I'm doing the English version instead of French to do everyone a favor and to make it easier on my Norwegian/English mind.

Spoiler! :
While,

I was with you{,}

Curiosity brings me closer{, but}

Fear makes me hesitate{.}

-

We have not been so close{,}

Learn things we did not know,

Do things that I thought {that} I would never do.

-

In my car we were sitting{.}

Both {were} so nervous{,}

Naive, innocent{.}

-

Finally{,}

You kissed me

So gently

Gently, but with the desire{.} {WHAT DESIRE DON'T LEAVE ME ON A CLIFFHANGER}


My interpretation:



Standard love poem.

In French...

which makes it even more romantic, since I'm pretty sure that French is a romantic language.

Overall:



side note before you read overall: I was listening to Kidnap the Sandy Claws from Nightmare Before Christmas and it clashed so much that I laughed

I loved it. Like snowmonkey said, it is a beautiful poem, even in French. Also, this teaches me a little about French :wink: "doucement" is "gently," "finalement" is finally, "curiositie" is "curiousity," etc.

Keep up the great work!

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:59 pm
snowmonkey9 says...



This is great :) I don't understand much french so I used Google translate but the poem itself is very beautiful.




Thisislegacy says...


Thank you:)




here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a treee called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings