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Nothing: Cold Wind (1)

by DeathBecomesHer

  I hung my head low as I walked, my footsteps keeping in time with the slow beat of the music humming In my ears. The crisp fall air was trying its best to blow my hood off, my only form of protection against the unforgiving night. The full moon was my only way of seeing the dark sidewalk in front of me, a dim streetlight sometimes illuminating my pathway to the unknown. 

  I did this a lot, wandering at night with no destination. My mother used to tell me that I would get stabbed, killed, or all of the torturous things you can think of. My logic is, I haven't gotten murdered by a crazy clown yet, so why stop now? 

  I jumped as a rogue screech overwhelmed my senses. The terrified screech of an animal echoed throughout the empty lot as, whatever was feeding on it, robbed it of its last breaths. I sighed, I felt nothing for the creature but something about how it was crying out in terror told me that I probably should feel something. Frightened? No, whatever was causing the animal distress is probably scared of me. Happy? No no, although its miserable existence was ending, I'm not that much of a crazy person. Sadness? yes.... sadness. That's how I should feel. 

  I stood there, in the dark, waiting to feel the sadness, but none came. I continued to feel nothing. 

  I turned slowly, still watching for any evidence of the crime that had just unraveled in front of me. there was nothing. So I kept walking. 

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25 Reviews

Points: 72
Reviews: 25

Tue Dec 12, 2017 7:51 pm
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Murphy2493 wrote a review...

Murphy here for a review. You left one on my novel so I thought I would return the favor :)

Things I loved! Honestly, I loved all of it. You have suspense, humor and reality and I love it. I like that the main character has a hard time pin pointing what he/she should be feeling and I can so relate, especially in out of the blue situations. I can also relate to random walks at night. I use to do that so much when I was in high school and my mom told me the same thing.

There are a few things I got confused on. I would like to know why this person is walking around at night. I would also like to know the name of this person. There are some grammar mistakes but I'm not going to comment on that because I suck with grammar. Spell check is my BFF.

I think that's all for me. I will definitely continue reading. Thanks and have a wonderful day.

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42 Reviews

Points: 57
Reviews: 42

Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:00 pm
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lelu wrote a review...

Hi! Okay, first off, I love this. You sent me a message asking for suggestions (love your avatar by the way) and I finished reading this like fifteen seconds ago and I have a few. What I LOVE about this: she's just wandering around, introspecting, and her feelings either don't show up or arrive at the wrong time, which I can totally relate to. If she met a crazy clown, I would bet on her winning. Things that could use a little improvement, and I mean a little: A few capitalization errors, and you say the crime unraveled, but crimes don't really unravel. They're actually more like knots, wouldn't you agree? Anyway, I like the description. You never stick long with literary works, but maybe that's for the best, since this is short and it's pretty good. The description is done well. Also the suspense is a little scary and very cool. Idea: Maybe you could send me messages by reviewing my stuff, as well as actually commenting on the actual writings, since I've already been convicted twice of review spam and am not going to do it any more.

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14 Reviews

Points: 738
Reviews: 14

Wed Dec 06, 2017 3:44 am
VictoriaAnderson1230 wrote a review...

Love this so much description and leaves me wondering whats going on. Why is he/she just wondering around?So much suspense and so well written well done :)

I think the main charecter of this has a strong voice and was funny but at the same time sad. The idea of nothingness really comes clear as I can't tell he/she's exact emotion. I really hope there is more to this. Great read to find at almost 4am in the morning. ;')

[ Edit ]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate positive feedback, it keeps up my motivation to write. The next part of the chapter is up if you want to read it! it goes into more of the situation. i hope you read/like it!

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14 Reviews

Points: 738
Reviews: 14

Wed Dec 06, 2017 3:42 am

Love this so much d

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290 Reviews

Points: 25031
Reviews: 290

Tue Dec 05, 2017 10:13 pm
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MJTucker wrote a review...

Hey there! MJ stopping by for a short and quirky review! You'll see what I mean in a sec ;) First, let's get grammar out of the way.

The crisp fall air was trying its best to blow my hood off my head, my only form of protection against the unforgiving night.
I know this is really technical, but since you put your adjectival phrase ("my only form of protection...") after 'head', it technically modifies head now instead of hood, so to be grammatically correct you have to rephrase it so the phrase comes after hood instead of head.

My mother used to tell me that I would get stabbed, or killed[/b],[/b] or all of the torturous things you can think of.
Missing commas.

Okay, now onto the fun part. Let me know if you want me to rephrase any of this/if it wasn't helpful or wasn't funny or if you think another reviewing style would be more helpful if you think this was just absolutely horrendous, which is possible. So with that aside, here we go.

*rolls in* Actually, I'm going to take over. *clears throat* My name is Mistress Reviewa, and I am here to give you some of my helpful tips for how you could improve this.

My first suggestion is to omit the rabbit, or change the animal. It is oddly specific, and seems to come out of the blue, as they say. Something about it makes me seem a little strange, and it's not at all conventional, which is usually a good thing, but in this case, I feel that it doesn't make sense.

I do like the eerie feeling you give this piece. The reader is braced for some sort of hard-hitting action, and at least for me, the image was clear in my mind. A lonely figure, braving the bitter winter wind, walking down a lonely alley and enjoying it a little too much.

It was a little on the short side, and to remedy that, I would recommend adding in some more detail to the main character so we can get a better feel for his/her personality and funny quirks. I got the impression from the title and description that this was not a normal person, and I think expanding that would be a great way to expand your novel!

But anyway, I must be off now. If you require any further clarification, you can contact me through my scribe, @MJTucker, who will leave her contact information with you. Good tidings, and as always, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Best wishes,
MJMistress Reviewa

Hello! thank you for reviewing and I really appreciate the tips! i tried to keep each part on the short side because im afraid most people dont have a huge attention span. i will add some changes based on your advice though!

MJTucker says...

I'm glad this was helpful! I can understand why you would try to keep things on the shorter side, and I agree it is better to be too short than too long, but I think on this website people will be okay with you posting longer chapters, and it will cost you less points :)

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206 Reviews

Points: 2082
Reviews: 206

Tue Dec 05, 2017 9:11 pm
Flumadiddle says...

I will review this. Must make a mental note so that I do not forget.

*a minute later*

Okay, metal note made!

"Be happy, my friend; and if you obey me in this one request, remain satisfied that nothing on earth will have the power to interrupt my tranquility."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein