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My mask

by TheBlueCat


Hiding behind the lit-up screen

I act like everything is perfect

Pretending I am not broken

Not wanting you to see my pain

--

Making a thicker mask for myself

I used to only wear it on the web

Because everything wasn’t so bad

But now I hide from everyone

--

I laugh and smile all the time

Not always genuine

I’ve learned how to fake it

And still seem as happy as can be

--

I might as well be a star Hollywood actress

For how well I hide my pain

But the very raw truth of it all

Is that I need you to see the real me

--

I need you to reach behind my mask

Be gentle, please

I may push you away

But please persist, I need you

--

I need you to love the real me

Not my perfect masked self

Not the happy-go-lucky girl

But the broken, torn apart me

--

It’s hard for me to show my pain

But I need to so I can heal

If you care enough, reach behind my mask

And maybe I’ll open up again


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509 Reviews


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Tue Sep 10, 2019 11:24 pm
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Jaybird wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here to review your work.

It's been almost two years since you wrote this poem, so I hope that things are going better for you away from the screen now. If not, don't be afraid to pop into my inbox - I'm always happy to be a listening ear.

Disclaimer aside, I found this poem more relatable than I was expecting it too. I think all poetry writers have that one poem where they talk about feeling conflicted between their online/public persona and their actual self. I remember feeling really torn last year and the year before with how my internet persona was far more cheerful than I would be feeling from time to time.

You did a great job expressing how I felt back then - especially with your desire to have someone reach behind your mask and see the real you. That metaphor actually came up a lot throughout the piece, and that was honestly one of my favorite comments that you made. It really did touch on how I felt back then.

My only critique of the work is that you can trim it down a little. As I just mentioned in the last paragraph, the mask metaphor comes up multiple times. If you ever do revise this, you might want to try rearranging the order of the stanzas so you can have a new ending and take out anything that's too repetitive. If I was revising it, I would discard the last stanza and move this one down there instead:

I need you to reach behind my mask

Be gentle, please

I may push you away

But please persist, I need you


Even if the words aren't the same, it gives off the same feeling as your original ending stanza.

But, other than that, I really enjoyed this poem! I would say that I hope you write more like in the future, but I'd rather you were doing better mentally than writing sad but beautiful poetry.

Image




TheBlueCat says...


Thanks! <3 I agree that it's definitely not concise enough, and it needs some love. Thank you again for the input! c: (Also, I'm definitely in a better place than when I wrote this, don't worry <3)



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Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:19 am
ItsYsaaa wrote a review...



Good day!!

Your poem most definitely reminds me of a situation I've surely been through. It hurts to pretend. It hurts to hide behind a mask to be loved, to be accepted, and to be appreciated. You've absolutely captured my attention, not only for your choice of words and the style you used in portraying your message, but also because of your capability to be realistic, to express a situation that can affect each and every single one of us.

The descriptions you've written are specific and clear and I could not say anything more but great job! Continue to express yourself and use your talent to inspire others. Thank you so much for sharing your work! I personally hope to read more of your poems!

Hope you're feeling great!




TheBlueCat says...


Thanks! :D



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Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:50 am
BookishBrook wrote a review...



This poem sadly reminds me of myself before I was 'out' as male. It always pains me to see someone in a difficult place and I think I speak for all of us when I say, we're all here for you.
Feel free to pm me at any time!

Now, onto the poem.
I don't think I can see any errors other than those already highlighted.
It's well written and it has a really nice flow to it.

It's always good to get your feelings out and sometimes, you have to lose the mask.

A Scottish poet (Edwin Morgen) once wrote the line "laughter ringing round them, like a guard" Although this line was written about something entirely different; this poem made me think of that.

Thank you for revealing your mask.
(I really hope that everything gets better for you. Like I say, if you need a chat, don't hesitate to pm me :D )




TheBlueCat says...


Thanks! :D I'm feeling better today, school just had me over stressed along with all the little irl things.



BookishBrook says...


Yeah, I think we probably all know what that feels like, I'm glad you're perhaps slightly better now? I hope so anyway :D
If you want to chat, just pm me!



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Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:06 pm
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Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing this poem about the human need to be accepted for whom we really are and not for whom we might be pretending to be. It very effectively expresses that strong yearning in a very emotionally intense way. I especially liked the part where the significant other is asked to be gentle.

It reminds me of the time that this girl who admired hoodlums mistook me for one when I behaved with uncaring bravado when I was drunk. She fell in love with that image and since I didn’t want to lose her, I stupidly attempted to play the role best as I could. Eventually she found out that I was not a hoodlum and disappeared from my life as quickly as she had arrived.

After reading the poem I wondered exactly how one reaches behind such a mask or attempt at deception. I also wondered what the pain and suffering of the speaker involves. What is its cause or what are its causes? Why is the need for a mask present?

Suggestions:

lit-up
“actress” since you are female.

Apart from those two things everything else looks fine.




TheBlueCat says...


Thanks! :D



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Sat Dec 02, 2017 9:52 pm
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DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



NOOO I KNOW THOSE FEELINGS I HATE THEM IF YOU NEED TO TALK PM ME please Chessie. Please.

Okay, love the poem by the way. Didn't see anything wrong with it and I hope things get better for you becasue I know how all of that feels and it f***ing sucks.

Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Thanks- WAIT, MERRY CHRISTMAS, I CAN SAY THAT NOW! OR HAPPY HANUKA I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!




TheBlueCat says...


Thanks E.E! I'm just getting overly frustrated with school and little things irl; it just kinda builds up until I want to explode or go cry for an hour(You probably know what I mean) I'm just the kind of person who can brush things off for a while until it gets to be too much. But thanks! :)



DeerInBacPac says...


DO NOT BRUSH THINGS OFF I LEARNED THAT THE HARD WAY



TheBlueCat says...


Wellllllll... it's more like dealing with them but still burying your frustration/anger/hurt/etc. until you run out of room. Weird example but that's what it's like for me.



DeerInBacPac says...


no, i get it




Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury