Young Writers Society

Legacy here for a review

It seems like you are trying to paint a picture of a nighttime storm in the middle of the ocean. If so, you have done a good job, but you could also talk about how the waves kissed the skin of the people on the boat or something like that.

Just a slight grammar thing, "Swords swung silent" should be "Swords swung silently". Just silent doesn't quite sound right since it would make the most sense in the imperfect past. Also your tenses during the poem don't quite match up, so you should decide what tense you want to tell the story in.

Other than those few things, I think you are good to go

This poem is excellent! The imagery was incredibly vivid, especially in the first ten lines. I felt as though I was in the battle myself; you definitely captured my attention. However, the vocabulary and imagery could be stronger towards the middle of this poem. Try to maintain the voice you began with and fx some minor punctuation errors, and this piece will be near perfect. Keep up the amazing writing!

Thanks for sharing. There is a lot of imagery and symbolism here which is very poetic and is a plus. But I am having trouble forming a coherent picture of what exactly is going on. The waves and quiver seem to describe a sea in turmoil and the sky hurling lightning. But later references seem to contradict that notion. A battle is definitely taking place but I can't visualize who are the combatants. A reference to clouded heads and heading home is just as cryptic.

I like the expression, "The day grew darker as the sky drew brighter."

I think that the poem expresses more of a joy in the battle than it does about being at sea. I can easily imagine the speaker being equally enthusiastic on land as long as he is happily eviscerating and lopping off heads.

"We lifted our nose?"" For a brief moment I thought the poem was referring to some aberration of nature. A creature composed of many but having only one nose. The whale briefly came to mind but that didn't fit. "We were,... are still" is a tense discrepancy. Very important to keep the tenses in harmony. Charged straight through what?