Young Writers Society

This is like reading my soul. Are you my mind? Ha ha! Just kidding, anyway, I feel like this was a good book because I had a friend, earlier in the year, we were friends since 3rd grade, and we're both in 8th grade now. But, around the beginning of April and the lat part of March, we stopped talking. It's only partially because she wouldn't get off her phone and talk about random stuff. But there was this other girl, her name is Ella, and she would always call me stuff, like saying one time that I wanted to f everything and everyone on this entire planet, which let me tell you, that's not true whatsoever. Anyway, I had my best friend, and Ella, she just gradually took her away from me, along with a couple of my other friends. My other friends are on the border line with her, so technically, they're still friends with me, but then again, they talk to her a lot. But the reason why this was important to me, was because my best friend was my BEST friend, and I always talked to her about everything, including terrible stuff. I would always cancel my other friends out and talk to her instead, because, that was how our friendship worked. I mean, obviously we would have fights, and she wouldn't tell me why she was mad, she STILL hasn't told me why she was mad this time! But, when she stopped talking to me, I started getting an idea what was happening, I don't know if Ella was prettier than me, better than me, more childish than me, or less dirty-minded than me, but I did know this, she was growing away from me. I couldn't really comprehend what was happening until a month later when she started giving me dirty looks with Ella. The last time I checked, she still hangs out with Ella full-time, but my point is, this story relates to me in that way. Keep up the good work, I can't wait to read more of your stories!:)

Hi TheSignSeeker19 Rodger here for a hopefully Quick review.
First and foremost l want to say well done n writing this piece

This is a really nice peace it only has a few problems;
Punctuation usage- I thing you seem to use the Full stop should l say very often or too quickly, l thing you should extent you sentences a little bit longer.
Repeating of words- I thing because you classified this as a short short story you should not repeat words like you a writing a poem or something.

Besides that this is really nice, l would suggest that you maybe should have written this is a poetry form

But anyways great job, and Remember to keep on writing.

... Is it life you want back?

Uhh, if this were an English paper, I'd probably write all the evidence to support that answer, but for now we'll just treat it as fill-in-the-blank and get on with the review.

1. I almost want to classify this as poetry. Obviously you didn't take the line-by-line approach that poetry typically does, but the repetition and the overall ambiguity of this piece lend themselves to poetry.

2. Honestly, you could probably stick this under the poetry tag and have it be just as powerful. People might give you a few comments about it just being one paragraph, but I think the structure of this piece is a statement in itself. Rather than looking like a carefully crafted work, it's like a desperate rant, and since I think that's where you were trying to go, good job!

3. Personally, I feel like the last 'I want' sentence could be more succinct. Yeah, it sucks to be made fun of, but as sort of the lead-in to the final words, I think you want to pick something more all-encompassing, or specific but short and extremely tragic. I'd recommend a want that can be encompassed in like five words, max, just because there is power in creating something short and easy to remember. And you could either replace the last 'I want' or add this one on.

4. Just in general, this piece is really powerful. The ambiguity of 'you' and 'I' gives it a sort of universality that can be difficult to capture.

Good work! I look forward to seeing more of your work around.

-Buggie

This is magnificent!

I truly felt like rising from my chair and clapping at the conclusion of this masterpiece. Bravo! Bravo! for having described the very bitter experience of a time in life or a situation in life that seems to have robbed us of so many precious things. The dramatic introduction "Give it back!!" is very effectively complemented by the very dramatic ending in "Ït's not yours to take!"

Suggestions:

I found it extremely hard to imagine wanting a repeat of the dentist part. Maybe because I have lived that living nightmare too many times. I think that it should be replaced.

There are a few punctuation corrections that would help:

"....the Saturday mornings...."

"....The car-rides...."

".... I know now how precious...."

"....the ones whose postcards....""

"....the one showing me...."

"....make fun of me...."