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The Pretence Of The King

by Ishan212


The Sun never used to set on me

Success was only the word  known to me

Victory and glory was what I used to taste

I never really cared about destiny and the fate.

Now the world has not the slightest changed

The Sun shines brightly where it used to rain

Everything is in the place as it was decided

Only I am the one who let my time go in vain.

Trying to become like the crowd

Slipping from my head , went the crown

Having had no idea where it went

I am still the king, I pretend.

I am still the king, I pretend . 


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14 Reviews


Points: 877
Reviews: 14

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Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:16 am
snowmonkey9 says...



This is awesome :D




Ishan212 says...


Thanks a lot snowmonkey9



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333 Reviews


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Reviews: 333

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Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:03 pm
Ventomology wrote a review...



Hey there! The title of this piece really caught my eye, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. Fair warning: I haven't reviewed poetry in a long while. Forgive me if my comments aren't super helpful.

1. I like that reference to the British empire at the beginning. It's a good way to provide context for everything else that follows. :)

2. There's very little in terms of action verbs here. I understand that you're not really trying to convey action with this piece, but in general, avoiding words like 'went,' 'was,' and their different forms, and rewording phrases to contain action verbs will heighten the drama, emotion, or associated visuals of any writing.

3. The organizational structure of this poem is pretty nice. I may be biased because I tend to use punctuation in the same way as you do here, but it's nice that every period signifies a change in the tone of the piece.

4. Lines 2, 10, and 13 all seem to have extra spaces in them. I can't figure out why you would do that on purpose, so that might be something to double check.

And I think I'm going to stop there. Otherwise I'll start reading this like an English test prompt, and that probably won't be very helpful to you.

Keep on poet-ing!
-Buggie




Ishan212 says...


Thanks a lot



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130 Reviews


Points: 10764
Reviews: 130

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Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:49 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing.
Yep! It isn’t easy once having been on top and then losing it all overnight. The poem is a lamentation concerning such a loss. I like the way it is organized on the page and the rhyme scheme. However, I wish it would have provided some specifics since it leaves me wondering what exactly happened.

suggestion:

Try not to use the same expression repeatedly: "use to" is used three times.




Ishan212 says...


Thanks a lot for the review




Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
— Ellen DeGeneres