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Gabe's Garlic Bread

by Flumadiddle


Garlic bread,

And me.

Really now, this is meant to be.

Lounging in the sun, you and me,

In love with the breeze.

Come on now, time to be what we were meant to be. 

This poem was for a close friend of mine, so do not take this seriously and I wrote this, not caring about grammar and such. 


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261 Reviews


Points: 24212
Reviews: 261

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Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:47 pm
DemonGoddess wrote a review...



Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Garlic bread,

And me.

Really now, this is meant to be.

Lounging in the sun, you and me,

In love with the breeze. {Breeze doesn't rhyme with your rhyme scheme}

Come on now, time to be what we were meant to be.


My interpretation:



... it feels like a love poem, but "Garlic bread" is just random.

Also which close friend? I know it's not me haha

Overall:



Overall? I liked, but the "garlic bread" concept is very jarring for me. What does it meannnnnnnnnnnnn?

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

Image


This review courtesy of
Image


this is in honor of big brother's birthday




Flumadiddle says...


I wrote this for a close friend of mine, Gabe. He LOVES garlic bread. I have no idea why. Seriously, its a problem.



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21 Reviews


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Mon Nov 13, 2017 2:29 pm
Danni88 wrote a review...



Hi there,

Danni here for a review!

Love the acrostic part. That's really clever. You know, about an hour before reading this I ate some garlic bread! What a coincidence. Or maybe the all-powerful god of garlic bread drew me to it. Whatever.
OK, now the serious stuff:

You say you didn't care about grammar when you wrote it, but I can't find any grammatical errors! Well done.

I don't really get the bit about 'time to be what we were meant to be', because surely garlic bread is meant to be eaten? Or is that the whole point and I am being dense and missing it?

And also, how come the poem is called Gabe's Garlic Bread when there is nobody called Gabe mentioned? Or is Gabe the narrator?

That's about the only nitpick. I liked this poem!

See you around,

Danni




Flumadiddle says...


Gabe is the name of my friend whom I wrote the poem for.



Danni88 says...


Ah! That explains it



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31 Reviews


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Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:15 pm
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This is honestly the best poem of existence. @Flumadiddle




Flumadiddle says...


So great. Like YAS BECKY.





YAS BECKY??



Flumadiddle says...


don't ask.





No really



Flumadiddle says...


Its a thing between me and Gabe and bf.



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132 Reviews


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Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:59 am


Saruka says...


pfft I love it



Londone says...


y u no tag me!1!!!11! so r00d11!!!!1



Flumadiddle says...


I MEANT TO BUT GOT DISTRACTED @Londone



Londone says...


UH HUH THAT'S WHAT THE LAST ONE SAID xD



Flumadiddle says...


I AM NOT LYING




All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe