Young Writers Society

Hey, Weirdo Potato here! Just so you know, I'm not a good reviewer. But, here it is:

First of all, I just want to thank you for making this poem. It actually made my day. It is entertaining, like super entertaining.

Then, I fell in love with its humor. Humorous poem like this always has my heart.

I totally like how you organized your words. Your poem gave me a Shakespearean vibe, or some kind of a renaissance vibe because of its words and humor.

All in all, I love it!

Keep on writing humorous poem, fam. This world needs a little touch of humor.

May the Force of writing always be with you!

x, Weirdo Potato

Ok I just fixed some stuff let me know what you think now. Also thank you so much for the reviews!

This is a very entertaining story with a very funny ending. Thanks for sharing! Ending caught me completely by surprise. LOL
Suggestions: Proper punctuation would be nice. Also, making the following line intelligible would greatly improve the story.

Riddling his heart with love a heart a heart the one stood null and void.

Perhaps

"His heart riddled with love, heart to heart, the former man stood nulled and voided.:



Punctuation and spelling fixed:

There once was a man strong and brave, a true vanguard[.]

He grew [discontented] with everything[.] Everything began to feel numb[.]

An [emptiness] filled the void once called his heart[.]

The man lived his life barely making it through the day[.]

So one day the man's eyes were caught by a pretty little thing[.]

All the man needed was love!


Bequeathed to the man the chick looked at him the same way he did her[.]

In an instant the man swept the chick of its feet[.]

Riddling his heart with love a heart a heart the one stood null and void[.]

Delighted and in awe the man and his chicken shall live happily eveaf.

BTW
The use of commas as suggested by Fulmadiddle is also good.

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

Okkie dokkie artichokkie, first thing I notice is that a lot of places missing commas. I shall just list them for you.

1. "An emptyness filled the void once called his heart" is the first sentence to join the Comma Club and the word "emptyness" is spelled wrong. It should be spelled emptiness.

2. "So one day the man's eyes were caught by a pretty little thing" this line also needs a comma and it would work better if you were to add the word "but" at the end of it.

3. "Bequeathed to the man" Once again, another sentence joining the Comma Club.

4. "In an instant the man swept the chick of its feet" Ooooo, would you look at that! This line also joins the club.

5. "Riddling his heart with love a heart" Guess what, this needs a comma as well!

Okay, so the Comma Club is over and now over to spelling and things alike. The last word in the poem, "eveaf" I am guessing, should be ever after. The flow was pretty good, this being your first poem and such. Nothing much to say since I covered most everything else. Others might notice something though!

Otherwise, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him. Cheerios and fruit loops to you!