Young Writers Society

Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

My interpretation:

Overall:

This review courtesy of

very nice . love to see more creations.some drops of tears can also explain lots.i have just read thrice. why don't bring some moist in your words?it will be more beautiful.thanks anyway.have a great day.

Okay, time to catch up to the werewolves.
Hi Flumaddidle. Your resident poetry novice is back to get some more reviews done.
I'm not sure whether this is meant to be a rhyming poem as well as an acrostic, but either way I can't seem to identify a specific rhyming structure. It seems that even the poem doesn't know what to do with itself. Was this intentional?

Quick grammar thing:
"Now it is is only an unforgiving spell,"
"is" was written twice.

As with all your poems I can really feel the emotions that you put into your work. I can't even imagine what you're (or if it's not you the person in the poem) is going through. I'm still amazed that you can put these feelings into your poetry as well as making the poem deep, meaningful and well written.

Overall, another beautiful powerful poem filled with emotion. You seem to enjoy acrostics, but I would like to see you experiment with other styles in the future.
Keep writing!
Ebony

This is ZeldaIsSheik here, ready to review another one of your incredible masterpieces! Well, that might be exaggerating a bit, but your hidden messages and dark themes sure make them seem like pretty great poems to me! Let's begin reviewing!

The first thing I noticed was your next secret message, "I CAN'T ANY MORE." I personally like this, and it feels like a more fitting title for the poem than what you have put. Though "Dry Tears" is a good representation of how it feels to be broken inside. I really like how well you can put a simple emotional state such as a mental breakdown into words so fluently and vividly that it tears apart the very matrix of reality and seeps into a deeper part of me that I have long forsaken. The words occasionally rhyme, making the poem come to life and give the old words new meaning through the art of life, death, love, sadness, and eternity: poetry.

Now onto what your poem actually represents. It is apparent by the lines "I begin to shake" and "To me, this is more than hell" that the author is rather scared or emotionally damaged. Also, this line contained a spelling error. I corrected it. The "then" should be a "than" in this line. That's all I have to say for today. Have fun, and keep writing! ZeldaIsShiek- Out!

@marms @PastelSlushie @wordwing

Dear Flumadiddle, first of all....I wish you allt he luck of the world I hope that helps...if I read this poem it looks not good...you feel a lot pain I think, right now? I hope it gets better for you...I know Life is sometimes harsh and it breaks us, we are so flexible! Life can be stupid and that let us cry. I hope you'll get over this difficult part?
Let me know how it is going please?
And the line ''right now nothing is okay''? well I think there must bes something that you can help? you know...write about it! that helps aways, maybe you can do that in a story? Or maybe you can talk about that with your parents or friends? I hope your days getting better :O
And you'll know what they say: NEVER GIVE UP!!! <333

Love: bree

@woahhitherepal @Saruka

Hi there Flumadiddle! I have just a few suggestions and comments for your piece.


Overall Effect and Message
1) Overall, I thought this was an effective way to do an acrostic poem -- I know sometimes they can seem a little "gimicky" or juvenile, but the theme you chose as well as the message made the poem seem properly mature and sophisticated.

Use of Rhyme
2) I don't think that utilizing rhyme in this piece was effective. In poetry generally you really want the language to seem effortless and natural - like you could imagine thinking or feeling or saying those phrases. When you have really tight forms like acrostics or using a rhyme scheme the reader must be able to feel like the word wasn't put there for the sole purpose of fitting the form of the poem. The rhyming here seemed a bit forced and unnatural and there was no discernible pattern so for me it not only seemed distracting but random and messy. I am a big advocate of not rhyming if you're not going to stick to a consistent pattern.

Specificity/Conflict
3) Try to delve more specifically into the emotions here. The lines that I thought were most effective were the ones where you're really specifically describing the body movements - painting good imagery, but also revealing the speaker to the reader. The line about gasping and the first few lines about fighting off tears were well done and didn't seem cliche or forced at all.

Then as we get more into the poem there are a few lines that prevent a really vague conflict "a monster" and "an unforgiving spell" that are not "blissful" and "mumble". Basically to summarize the speaker presents the conflict as being "a bad monster that mumbles" --- this is hard to connect to because as the reader I know nothing of the specifics of the conflict -- it's like it's just a generic placeholder for the actual problem. Using the monster metaphor's fine, but it should become clear what that monster stands for. The same with the mumbling and the rest of the conflict -- as a reader I want a bit more background I want to understand what is going on so that I can have a connection with the speaker and form a connection with the piece.

Formatting
4)My last little comment is on formatting.
First off, I like that you observed correct grammar and did capital letters at the beginning of each line with bolded first letters -- this really helped make the poem look polished in my opinion and made the message pretty clear.

I would suggest combining the last two lines so that you don't have a random "e" at the end. Also it might help to chop down some of those longer lines a bit if you can just to keep the flow smooth and keep the poem looking clean on the page. But overall, it looked and read like a well-edited and polished poem
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Nice work! I look forward to reading more of your poems in the future.
And as always, if you have any questions about my review please drop me a comment or a PM and I can try to answer them!

~alliyah