Young Writers Society

I love this short little piece

I'm relaxed now

Hello I'm here to review your poem a little
okay so the only thing that bothered me about you poem was the flow. I feel as if some of your sentences could've been worded a little better. Otherwise I didn't find any grammatical or spelling errors so great job!!
now don't get me wrong, for you to be new to poetry, this is a very good. just work on the flow a little bit fren
I look forward to seeing more from you!!
have an amazing day and an uLTRa spooky halloween!!
>Adrian

I like the poem because I have struggled with those circumstances frequently and it does convey the mood of loneliness very well.

Here are some suggestions:

There has to be a visual ballance of lines that doesn’t distract. If one line goes on too far, it will prove distracting to the reader’s eye. I would also arrange it on the page like this:

A calming wave []washes over my long hair;
A breath of fresh air in a crowded city.
Though I stand alone,
I don’t feel the loneliness that often haunts me.
I am free.

That prevents that third line from sticking out too far.
Also, all totally unnecessary words are removed for economy of expression.

Thanks for sharing!

Hey so I'm going to leave a comment- not a review- because I don't have any specific suggestions but I thought I'd try and help with a few general suggestions.

When it comes to poetry, it's good to use lots of literary devices. Clever similes and metaphors tend to show the best success rate. Vocabulary is also important- especially when you're writing a shorter poem like this one. If you're only presenting presenting a few words to the reader, make sure they're powerful.

I'd like to also suggest more sensory descriptions. One way to pull readers in is by describing things that connect strongly with the five senses. A good friend once told me that smell is one of the strongest senses. I'd also suggest some sound and some texture focus. Those ones are often less focused on but they can really add a lot to a work.

Keep up the good writing!
-ChocolateCello

Hi,

This poem seems to be having a very positive note. It has a very new way of telling how we would need to approach life in this busy world. I have heard lines previously like " I feel lonely though I am among people" but what you have on your work is very refreshing. You have a good style of looking at things. Keep writing and have fun

Thanks,
Amsivana

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking some hot cocoa! So, lets get started!
So, for your first time this is quite good. I did not notice any spelling or grammar mistakes so that is fantastic! The flow was done rather well, everything blending well. Your imagery was teriffic as well.
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I cant get its meaning right! So, in this short poem, you are saying a rather large amount, no? You are telling us, the reader, that you are free form things that once plagued you like anxiety or depression. Your mind is not cluttered any longer and you feel like tons of tons of weights have been lifted off of your shoulder. The vibe, per say, that the pome gave me, I dunno. I don't like it.
Otherwise, I liked the poem in all honesty. Keep up the good work and Happy Halloween! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him.