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Do you remember?

by Amnesia


Do you remember,

the scent of the roses I bought you

the feel of our skin touching but not really touching

I remember,

the scent of your skin like the morning after a big storm

like everything was fresh and new.

I remember,

The softness of your skin on mine,

the way you could make goosebumps pop up on my skin

just by trailing your finger lightly on my skin?

I remember your kiss,

sweet and gentle,

your lips tasted like your favorite chap-stick

coconut water and strawberries.

Do you remember,

when we took that trip to the beach.

How you twirled in the water,

happier than anything.

I remember all of this

but most of all

I remember you. 

I remember you laughing 

smiling at me with the stars in your eyes 

and the moon in your smile 

Do you remember 

the way you sang to me 

your voice floating in the air like a cool breeze 

I remember the light in your eyes 

You were the light in the darkness 

at least you were to me 

I hope 

at one point,

I was the light in your darkness 


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291 Reviews


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Reviews: 291

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Mon Oct 30, 2017 4:02 pm
DemonGoddess wrote a review...



Hello Amnesia! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Do you remember{}

the scent of the roses {that} I bought you

the feel of our skin touching but not really touching{?}

{The separation of stanzas is for my reference (--)}

I remember,

the scent of your skin like the morning after a big storm

like everything was fresh and new.

{--}

I remember{}

The softness of your skin on mine,

the way you could make goosebumps pop up on my skin

just by trailing your finger lightly on my skin{.} {Using skin repeatedly is redundant}

{--}

I remember your kiss,

{so} sweet and gentle,

your lips tasted like your favorite {chapstick --}

coconut water and strawberries.

{--}

Do you remember{}

when we took that trip to the beach.

How you twirled in the water,

happier than anything{?}

{--}

I remember all of this

but most of all

I remember you.

{--}

I remember you laughing

smiling at me with the stars in your eyes

and the moon in your smile{.} {OOOOoooooFFFFFF THIS IS POWERFUL}

{--}

Do you remember

the way you sang to me

your voice floating in the air like a cool breeze{?}

{--}

I remember the light in your eyes

You were the light in the darkness

at least you were to me{.} {I would strikethrough this line}

{--}

I hope{,}

{that}
at one point,

{that} I was the light in your darkness{.}


My interpretation:



This is about the wistful dreams of an old love, correct?

Overall:



Overall, I liked, but the formatting was a bit weird. The left to center confused me quite a bit and was strange on my eyes.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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134 Reviews


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Reviews: 134

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Sun Oct 29, 2017 9:51 pm
ZeldaIsShiek wrote a review...



Hi, ZeldaIsShiek here to review your poetry and put a stop to the wicked Werewolves' plans! May the Witches rein supreme! I am also here to critique your work to make you and your writing better as a result. I am really excited to review your poem because it seems very reminiscent and nostalgic, which is often what I like in a poem. Ready? Let's begin.

The first thing I enjoyed of your poem was the formatting. It made it feel more real to me, and it felt more like a conversation than a poem. Maybe a conversation with yourself, or who you've shared the memories with? Either way, this formatting style really added to the poem itself and the feeling I got while reading it. It made me feel like you were reminiscing with a partner that you helped out of depressed time in life about the experiences you shared, and you said that you hoped you had been the reason they were no longer depressed. This is a very meaningful and yet very tragic poem, and I think it is very good. The last stanza is my favorite because of its deeper meaning and implication of the tragic depression that your partner went through. I will follow you to keep up to date and be notified when new poems come out. Until then, make sure to always remember that you are a special little snowflake in a sea of other unique snowflakes. Keep writing about amazing experiences from your heart!

-ZeldaIsShiek




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38 Reviews


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Fri Oct 13, 2017 6:02 pm
Carlymillie wrote a review...



Carly's here;
First of, your work, was good. I liked it. but I think it was too cliché. And when writing cliché topics, there is an already set standard and when you don't meet those standards, people do not see the little effort you had made.

general:
I'm sure before before you wrote this, you were probably inspired by something and most likely have read one or two poetry as regards to this. There was a a way you could have made yours much more better, eye catchy and drowning. with the use of a little more figures of speech, thrown here and there but properly incorporated, it wouldn't have looked so ordinary.

imagery:
imagery, which is what most of us on this site use the most in our poems, I give 30%, you painted a picture, but it wasn't clear enough. Like I was reading it, and I waited for something not regular, but I couldn't find it, it was more or less like every other poem about a lover who missed his lost love or whatever the case may be.

reader-writer relationship:
you should work on that, just like a movie, that almost makes one want to go crazy with suspense, a very intense love scene or a very sad life loss, where the audience actually begin to shed tears as though he was really hurt, same could be applied in poetry. You could use terms, metaphors, puns and other stuff that could bring out those feelings in your reader. what makes a reader drown into your work and never want to leave is the way you make them feel like they were the thing or character talked about in the poem..as though you were helping them express a pain they had long wished they could. like "this is so me". i sincerely couldn't feel the pain of the writer, I couldn't sink in your words..so next time try to work on that.

All in all...nice work...




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Fri Oct 13, 2017 1:29 am
Flumadiddle wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! :D

First off, the poems flow. It was quite good, not extremely bumpy which is nice. You nailed imagery. It was extremely easy to imagine a woman/man twirling in the middle of the salty sea or goosebumps popping up on a man/woman's arm. It was very descriptive, which I like but that is my opinion. Anyways, time for me to guess or give a shot at seeing what the poems meaning is, no?
This poem, I am guessing, is about a man or woman who is remembering their lover whom they miss, painfully so. They are remembering everything about them from the little nit picky things all the way up to the things they loved so much. Going some places also seems to trigger memory's about their lost lover.
Anyways, keep up the good work!





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