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Six Word Sadness

by TheLeakyPen


Broken Home

Ran Away

Finally Free


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Fri Nov 24, 2017 7:46 pm
DarkenedPens wrote a review...



Well that certainly is deep on multiple aspects. With just these six words it's clear a bigger message is hidden here. I have to admit that it is a bit cliche. Emphasis on themes like these are quite overused, sadly. If you have more detail put into future versions of these, such as a bigger reading, perhaps a story or poem, it'd have a greater feel to it.

With structures like these you have to make sure the reader can feel what you're really saying, put feeling and emotion into it. The shorter is is, the bigger the approach. Make the world know that you can still sweep the rug from under your audience with so little words. It's good overall, the message is clear.

Someone is running away from their home in order to feel a sense of release. They want to breakaway from the pain that their household's environment has been affecting them.

Take the idea and further develop it. Let it mature and grow in the palm of your hands.




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Fri Oct 13, 2017 6:28 pm
oli wrote a review...



I really enjoy your writing style. However, I feel as if you're missing a little bit of stuff. You need something to bring your story. I highly suggest that you make a quick little story about the background of "Six Word Sadness" (mainly because I want to read it :P). I just feel as if your writing is very choppy and short, while the meaning is strong.

Keep up the great writing love,
Oli.




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Fri Oct 13, 2017 2:48 pm
irsyad23 wrote a review...



It's amazing how these few words can sum up a cohesive and meaningful story. I really like this! I do however feel like the story is too linear and simple. Maybe it's just the style of your writing. But the word choices are very basic which I think adds to the overall message and structure of this piece. I hope I can read more from you.

Also, this sounds more like a poem, rather than a short story. I'm not sure. By the way, hope you keep writing!




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Thu Oct 12, 2017 3:36 pm
amelie wrote a review...



Hey you

I haven't been doing reviews for awhile so I thought maybe I'd get back into the swing of things with something short.
First impressions: I kinda took a second to think, "have I read this on tumblr before?" which isn't to say you copied it. I don't think that. Also isn't to say it's trashy or anything, it's just like something you'd scroll past and move on. Maybe you can relate, get your five seconds of sadness, whatevery. It's just so blunt.

I feel empty reading it because it isn't filling my cup, it's just staring at me. And it doesn't have a face, and it doesn't look like me. I don't recognize it.

To me, it looks like a prompt, not a story. You didn't really delve into it and give some more detail, or even leave anything left to wonder.
Adding onto that, and this might just be because I do poetry, not stories, but this for sure doesn't seem to me like a short story? Like it's short, but where's the story? It just looks to be in more of a poem format.
I like the example Lumi gave in his review, so go 'head and pay some attention to that.

That said, I like the idea. I just wanna read more.

-ur girl.




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Thu Oct 12, 2017 12:03 am
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Lumi wrote a review...



Hi there, Leaky.

You carried this through a bit obviously, I'd say. There's no emotional investment for me because everything is utterly spelled out for me and there's no digging or unraveling to be done. There's no matter of

Broken home,
laces tight;
sunlight: freedom.

or any picking apart that could be done with the piece if composed otherwise. So I'm disappointed. I suggest a rewrite, and not what I've given you as an example; I suggest tender love and care. And time. Put time into your work, even if it's supposed to be the tiniest thing. Give it impact for every person reading. Change their lives.

All my best,
Ty




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Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:52 pm
SinghHOFT says...



hi there THE LEAKY PEN

So, finally i fix these words and made a story of mine. Its like a puzzle to me. These words changes their meaning according to reader mindset.
This is first time that i came across this type of style.
So,
Next time i hope your pen leak more and i need not to solve any puzzle.

Nishant Baish




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Wed Oct 11, 2017 3:51 am
Flumadiddle wrote a review...



Six Word Sadness, it has a wonderful ring to it and definitely caught my eye. In six little words you managed to describe something huge. A person who's home isn't at its best. Then, on a whim, they run. They run from what's plaguing them and they feel, for the first time in forever, that they are free from that mess. That they don't have to deal with any of the (pardon my french), shit that they did before hand. Stories, poems, speeches, anything of the sort does not have to be extremely long. Look at Abraham Lincolns Gettysburg Address. It was ten minutes long and he riled a nation with it. You invoked a lot of emotions and thoughts with only a few words and that is mastery in it self. I love it and keep up the great work!
-Flumadiddle




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Tue Oct 10, 2017 4:42 pm
PenmanshipPriority wrote a review...



Hello TheLeakyPen,

Your pen obviously didn't leak much when writing this short story, but like they always say - quality over quantity, and this is no exception.

It's obviously going to be hard for me to critique this piece of work because of it's length, but you could talk about it's meaning in detail.

I'd expect there to be no grammar mistakes and there wasn't.

I'm not sure if this is a personal story or the primary intention was for us to start thinking about something specific - I know it's not poetry and I shouldn't be talking about intention, but it's clear that you decided to write these six words for meaning.

I do have one improvement that you could change in regards to your alliterative title - change it. Usually expressing the way you could interpret the story is bad because it's an expectation. I expected to feel somewhat 'sad' because you said so, when I could've easily felt other feelings of curiosity. It gets the reader thinking alot - which is good.

I was drawn in to this particular style of story writing because it isn't that common and is unique.You could think of various scenarios in which these six words fit.Thinking to write in this way at 15 is a positive example of a natural writer who is open to trying different forms of literacy.

With that said, you should be happy with what you've written!

If you have any questions about my review or anything in general, please don't hesitate to reply/contact me

GMills
PenmanshipPriorities




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Tue Oct 10, 2017 11:42 am
Rodger wrote a review...



Hi TheLeakyPen this is Rodger hear for a short, very short review.

first and foremost l would like to say WOW!!! what an amazing piece this is, lam its so clear. Yet it gets you imagining all kinds of scenes where this six words would fit in, or what the writer wants to convey. And that is what l like about this, it gives you the reader the opportunity or should l say platform to try to fit this six words to a certain story where you thing would make perfect sense.

The only thing you could have maybe done to this piece is the name, l don't maybe make give it a suspense or mystery kind of feeling you know just to get the readers minds running wild a bit.
besides that absolutely''Awesome" l totally love it.
cheers..




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Tue Oct 10, 2017 11:31 am
DemonGoddess wrote a review...



Hello TheLeakyPen! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I don't think that this is really a short story. This is more of a poestic feel to me. Therefore, I'm going to do it like poetry.

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Broken Home

Ran Away

Finally Free


As you can see, I had nothing in there. That is VERY impressive, I must say. I mean, the fact that it was so short probably had something to do with it but again, extremely impressive. You get your point across very well and the imagery, even in six sentences, is outstanding. Great job.

If this has actually happened to you, I hope that it gets better. I know how you feel kind of, with my school which is crawling with bullies and the adults don't do anything about it. God, I wish that I could run away from home, but that means leaving behind my dogs. And I don't want to do that :P

Great job.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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