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Young Writers Society



Mixing Magic [Draft 2]: Chapter 11.1

by Mea


On her way back to the hotel, Ayda paused by a carpenters’ shop, made of dwarvenstone sapphire with wood accentuation. The smell hit her as soon as she stepped up to the door. Run by dwarves, the building and equipment was all enormous but achingly familiar, carrying with it a bizarre mix of nostalgia and remembered frustration.

But she needn’t go in today. Instead, she flew around the back to the scrap pile. Dwarven carpenters’ scrap would make an excellent wood piece for a carving. She selected a sturdy hickory about the length of her arm and as thick as her hand was long. She would be leaving again soon, whatever her mother said. But she didn’t intend to leave her mother alone in the refugee camp.

-

Tel met them on the rooftop the next morning. Cinder had already left so he could take the lifts and still be on time. “Ready to bow and scrape in awe?” Tel joked.

“I’ve never met a king.” Madeline wrung her hands.

“Relax, there’s nothing to it,” Tel said. “Just do what they tell you and agree with everything they say.”

Ayda glared at him. “You’ll be fine. Just be polite,” she said to Madeline.

Tel crouched down and Madeline clambered on. Ayda sat on her shoulder and clenched fistfuls of her shirt. The flight was swift, and they met Cinder in front of the long, marble hall.

“Are you ready?” he rumbled.

“Of course.” They needed to stop Nadra before she made her next move. The guards let them pass, and they entered the open-air palace.

It seemed to take an age to reach the marble dais where the Dragon King lounged, legs tucked under him, eyes alert and somber. He wore no outward signs of his kingship. A Fire dragon, his burnished orange scales glinted in the sunlight. To either side, two Ice dragons stood as body guards. At least two dozen dragons — advisors, generals, and petitioners — lined the sides of the hall in a beautiful mixture of silver, white, orange, and red. A few pegasi pawed the ground impatiently. As they walked, or, in Ayda’s case, flew, she was acutely aware of everyone’s eyes on their little group.

When they reached the king, Cinder and Tel sank to the ground respectfully. Ayda gave a bow in midair. Propriety deemed she land on the ground to do so, but she was half-afraid she’d get stepped on by someone. Madeline caught on after a moment and gave an awkward curtsy.

“Rise,” King Avantor rumbled. He addressed Tel. “Are you the pegasus who brought them here?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Name and rank?” he asked.

“Telemaeus, Scout, 7th Corps, my lord,” he said very quickly. Ayda stifled a giggle. She could see why he introduced himself as ‘Tel.’

“Tell me how you found these people and why you brought them to me.”

Tel explained nervously how he had seen them while scouting and been persuaded that they had valuable information.

“You did well,” said King Avantor. “You are dismissed.”

Tel faded back into the crowd, but Ayda noticed he didn’t leave.

For a time, there was no sound in the hall except that of King Avantor tapping a single enormous claw on the marble and that of a dozen dragons breathing.

“You are human,” the king finally declared. “Your magic does not fit any living species, and you are clearly not an elf. Tell us what you can, and be brief. I have little patience for long-winded talk these days.”

Madeline started with another explanation of how she had come to Arvania, but the king interrupted her.

“The matter of how Nadra escaped and how you came here is for scholars, not soldiers. I care only how you escaped and turned this Shade back from her, and what you know of her plans.”

Madeline gulped, and Ayda shot her a reassuring glance. The girl explained how they had escaped through a portal, fought Cinder, and knocked him out.

“At Crescent Moon, we found out I can… mix magic,” she said. “We think all humans can. I can’t change other people’s magic, but if they give it to me already in a pattern, I can work my magic around it and put it in a talisman. Ayda’s an Earth fairy. A pattern to cleanse plant magic is intuitive for her. I worked my magic to make it affect any magic, as long as the person wore the necklace, and made the talisman Cinder is wearing now.”

“I feared as much. Useful, but impractical.” The king sighed. “Shade, what are Nadra’s plans?”

“Nadra ordered me to bring Madeline to her,” Cinder said, shuddering at the memory. “Somehow, she is key in all of this. Protect her, and Nadra will be set back.”

“And why does she need a human child?”

“She is stealing magic. Gathering power. And she needs Madeline’s in particular. I don’t know why.”

Cinder’s fur bristled. “But that’s why she’s covering the land thoroughly, rather than striking strategically. It’s why she’s been so careful not to let anyone escape after the town is taken. She wants to keep it quiet.”

“I saw her at Crescent Moon,” Ayda added. “She’s full to bursting with magic, all sorts. It was horrible.”

“Stealing magic is impossible,” the dragon king growled. “You were mistaken.”

“I saw her take Lady Elerian’s magic!” Ayda said. “Believe us, or don’t.”

Cinder shot a warning glance at her. “As part of her army, this is what we knew as well. It explains her actions thus far.”

“Very well, she is amassing power. What else?”

“Her long-term aim was to take a central portal, which she has done,” Cinder said. “Beyond that, she told no one, but we believe she is planning a spell of huge magnitude. If I may make a recommendation?”

King Avantor nodded.

“We think we have found a way to strike directly at Nadra, drain her of the magic she’s stolen. But if it doesn’t work? Retake the portal. That will be our only hope.”

Fire shot from the dragon king’s nostrils as he let out a breath. “And what is your plan?”

This was Ayda’s moment. She surged forward. “The talisman we made cleanses any magic. If we make another one and pour enough magic into it, all we’ll have to do is touch Nadra. Everything but her natural magic will vanish.”

“It will break her hold over the Shades. Permanently,” added Cinder.

Ayda nodded, grinning. “All we have to do is send a small team with Madeline and let ourselves be captured. We’ll be taken straight to Nadra, and that’ll be our chance.” We will watch her fall, Cinder and I.

“Wait a minute,” said Madeline. “I haven’t said I’m going.”

“It doesn’t matter,” the king said. “The plan is clever, but too untested, and too dangerous. Not to mention ultimately unnecessary.”

“What do you mean?” demanded Cinder.

King Avantor spread his wings in one fluid motion. The draft rippled through the hall and their shadow blocked out the sun. “The airborne are assembling for a war the likes of which we’ve never seen before. We’ve already amassed thousands of dragons and pegasi. Even some phoenixes have been persuaded to help. I’ve sent an envoy to the unicorns — yes, the older among us know where to find them. So few of your kind, Shade, are airborne. It may take time, but we will win.”

“But my people will die!” Cinder lashed his tail. “Our way kills nobody!”

“But if it fails you will deliver Madeline directly into her hands, and she is the last piece of the puzzle that woman needs to cast a spell that will, more than likely, cause genocide on a scale not seen since she killed the elves. The answer is no. We will fight, and we will win.”

Ayda opened her mouth, ready to argue and not caring that she was addressing a king. But before she could start, she whispers and gasp rippled down the room. She whipped around and saw the arrival that had caused the commotion.

It was a unicorn of the purest white, and she shone with a radiance that made the Ice dragons around her look dull. Her horn was a translucent silver that glittered like a it held a thousand stars. But her eyes held only sadness.

When she reached the front of the hallway. Ayda, Madeline, and Cinder instinctively stepped aside, joining the rest of the crowd. She bowed in front of the king. Her horn rang where it touched the floor, the sound of pure crystal when tapped.

Avantor dipped his head in return. “Welcome,” the king managed. “It is an honor to have you here, Lady Emerilla.”

Ayda’s eyes went wide. She slipped into her magical vision and was nearly blinded by the Lady’s magic. “She’s the leader of the unicorns, the Lady of the Stars herself!” she whispered to Madeline. “She’s said to be the oldest, wisest being in all of creation.”

“I believe it,” Madeline whispered. “What’s she doing here?”

“I was not expecting you to come,” King Avantor rumbled. “I apologize if my emissary insisted on your presence.”

“I wished to come,” said Lady Emerila, her voice low and pure. “I represent the unicorns; it’s my duty to explain our position. We will not fight.”

The king lurched to his feet, shadowing the unicorn, and Ayda shrank back, a primal terror coursing through her.“Why?” His voice had an edge of steel to it.

She didn’t back down. “We do not fight. That is our way. But I will offer you some counsel, as I did when the crisis first broke out.”

“Part of me whispers that I have had enough of advice today.” His eyes simmered and he had not lain back down. “But the words of any unicorn are valued for good reason. Speak.”

“Evota’s abilities are unnatural,” Lady Emerilla said, ignoring his slight. “Her army comes from a mixture of her human and elvish magic. We are the only ones who remember this now, but elves could create shadow creatures. They weren’t alive or even fully substantial, but they followed the orders of the one who created them. She used this magic in combination with her natural talisman magic to create Shades and maintain her link with them.

“Her ability to steal magic comes from a powerful relic, thought to be a piece of the Well itself, enhanced with powerful spells. She must be touching it to steal magic. She probably wears it as jewelry, but she may use magic to disguise it. Remove the relic, and she cannot take any more magic, though she will still have a vast reservoir at her disposal.”

But once that reservoir is gone, the relic shouldn’t be too hard to take. Ayda added that to her plan. And what the Lady had said served as further proof that getting rid of Nadra’s extra magic would sever her connection to the Shades.

“It will be done,” said the king.

“Then may the stars carry us through this,” said Emerilla. “I am afraid I have nothing else to offer.”

She noticed Madeline standing to the side of the dais.

“I’ve heard of you. You are the human child Nadra seeks?”

“Yes, my lady,” Madeline said, curtsying again. Only Ayda could tell how nervous she was at being addressed by a unicorn.

“I amso sorry that being here has only put you in danger. Is it true that you have found a way home?”

“Yes.”

“Then take it,” Emerilla urged. “Go home, and be safe. This isn’t your fight.”

Madeline hesitated, then nodded.

But we need her! Still, Ayda didn’t say anything. Madeline had hesitated - she was uncertain. If Ayda could persuade her, this would still work. But she needed to act like she had accepted King Avantor’s rejection.

“I must return to my people,” Emerilla said, addressing King Avantor again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t offer more.”

Her horn glowed brightly, and she disappeared in a flash.

“Go, all of you,” the king said, sinking down onto the dais. “I need to meet with my generals.”


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Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:38 pm
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hey again!

Lady Emerilla is probably the character with the most authority in the scene, even with the king. If she manages to make everybody quiet down when she speaks, that means that she is the boss of the conversation. But I also wonder at her choice not to fight against Nadra--I understand that her principle is no fighting, but it feels a little bit selfish when cities are falling. I hope that perhaps she can be involved in the downfall of Nadra--in fact, her information does contribute.

It was nice to see the response of the crowd when Lady Emerilla arrived, but I thought that the crowd's response was missing for the other conversations? Especially something that might spark any passions or emotions they have (I'm thinking about the time Cinder is upset that King Avantor is just going for a war and possibly decimating the Shades).

The king is not very admirable, but I can relate to him about dismissing Ayda's plan. I find it also very risky, and I'd opt for the route with more success: all-and-out war, even if the Shades could be killed. Since if this plan fails, Nadra might be able to cast some malicious spell that nobody can counter.

“Go, all of you,” the king said, sinking down onto the dais. “I need to meet with my generals.”


He needs to digest this information, doesn't he? :P

When Madeline agreed to go home, I felt that that decision was a bit quick, despite the king's refusal and the heavy information. She did put in her hard work in making that talisman, right? I don't know, but I thought that she might want to put in more thought before finally deciding to. (?)

That's all I've got to comment on! See you in the next part :D

-Ink




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Sat Aug 19, 2017 5:55 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hi, I'm here to review! :D It's going to be a little short here.

I would have to say the unicorn is the spotlight of this sub-chapter. I like the way Emerilla is portrayed as very powerful, and while I think the involvement of unicorns in this fight would affect the war greatly, I'm glad she makes the decision to not fight. With the way she is being portrayed, if she and her people do, I'm sure the war would be over quickly. I mean, even her magic shines so brightly Ayda is blinded by it.

I also like the details you put in Tel's character, with how his name is embarrassing and he has to say it quickly. His attitude towards the palace and its royalties also gives us a hint of how he doesn't really like the royalties. I think giving more emphasize in this, perhaps giving us his reaction when Avantor proceeds his plan to kill the Shades, frankly speaking, would be a good reason for him to switch to Ayda's side. Perhaps even a little interaction with Cinder before the meeting is over can give him a moment to symphatize with what's going happen to Cinder's people.

Avantor, on the other hand, does not impress. I'm eager to see a dragon king, perhaps in the same caliber with the dragons written by Robin Hobb, but it seems like Avantor is desperate and is making desperate decisions. It shows his vulnerability, and seeing how he justifies not going with Ayda's plan with how it's not tested, he seems to taking the way with the highest chance to win, despite it taking more lives. As a king, I can understand his position, but I would suggest giving him some doubts, like, maybe he thinks it's better to solve the problem at its core, but finally relent to what he has been planning.

As a side note, since you mention Emerilla as the wisest being ever created or something like that, I would think that her words to Madeline would give some heavy weights, and that those would be discussed later on when Madeline decides whether she wants to help or not. Because obviously, you have to have a good reason for not taking Emerilla's advice, and mentioning that in the next sub-chapter would give us a reason that Madeline's not dismissing or forgetting the unicorn's advice but rather find there's a better action for she to take.

And that is all I have to say! I can see there are some typos in this sub-chapter, so look out for those in the future draft. ;) Keep up the good job! :D





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