Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Horror

E - Everyone

Creatures Of The Night -Prologue-Rebirth

by AllisonArgent



         The weather was moody as always. Sheriff Langdon slowly drove his police car through the narrow road in the woods. A small clearing with a crowd of anxious people and press popped up in his view. He wished he didn't have to deal with the press now. He cursed himself and stepped out of the car.

       " Sheriff do you think that it is the carelessness from you department that has led to another murder?" A blond woman from press lifted her microphone up to Langdon ans stood there waiting for an answer.

             "No comment" Langdon pushed passed the woman and the crowd to Deputy Miller standing near the body. Nearby him he could hear whispers of critics. He felt weak,it was the third murder in the row, he had failed his own people.

            "Sir" Deputy Miller turned to face Langdon. Langdon waved his hand asking Miller to tell him the details."It's the same sir, no head just the body.The victim is Robert Loius, the bar owner age 42. The is no connection with him and our last two victims but we are still looking sir."

        Langdon exhaled, even though it pained him to tell it, he had to."Miller this has gone out of our the FBI, there's nothing more we can do."

    "But sir.."

"No buts, just do it"


         John knew he wanted this,he wanted his family safe away from all this but Alex would be hard,he knew,she would never agree.He made his way to his chair. 

            "So partner,Wolf Creek it is then huh?" Sean tuned on his chair to fave John.He face pulled into a wide grin.

         "Easy for you to say,I don't know what to tell Alex.All her friends are here."

"She's seventeen, she'll make new friends and by the way if that Romero comes back it'll be much safer to stay away."  Sometimes John wondered how his partner could give family tips with he himself not having one.All John did was nod his head. He knew it's been hard on his daughter with his job and now moving was going to break her but he had no choice.



Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
385 Reviews

Points: 950
Reviews: 385

Sat Aug 12, 2017 9:00 pm
LadyLizzLovelace wrote a review...

Hey there AllisonArgent. It's just Lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

I'm guessing that you copied this story over from another document and that's why your formatting got all wacky. The publishing center has never been very kind to text that gets brought over from another source. Just something for you to watch out for as you continue to post things because it makes it tough to get through a piece.
There's no spaces after a lot of periods and commas. I don't know if this is connected to the next issue or not, but this is something you need to be careful about and correct. Normally I wouldn't nick pick over a little issue like this but it's recurring often enough to become bothersome. I got caught up more in this factor of the chapter than the storyline itself.

In terms of the actual story, I found the opening line to be rather interesting and it sets a certain vibe to the little bit going on. At the beginning, I see just a little touch of description of the setting but then it leads into more about the body. Even for a prologue this is rather short and I think by supplementing more minor parts, it could be more enjoyable for the reader. The premise is rather intriguing, a plot filled with a serial killer striking again and all the towns people up in arms about it. As far as looking towards a next chapter, I want to see what happens.

The repetition of the two dot ellipsis are also bothersome to my mind and break the rule of what ellipsis are supposed to be. In the way that I know them, they should be used for dramatic effect of leading the sentence on, rather than being used rapidly. When they're slurred together in the mix of a paragraph and show up three times; I would say that is excessive use. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing and you've trapped yourself in such a situation.
I think the best option here would be just ditching them out the window.

I admit that I want to know more and this is really all that I can think to comment on for now.
See you around.

Tnx there lizz I'll work on more in the next chap.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn