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The Reckless Years: Chapter 1 Part 3

by BubblegumGoddess


I crossed over to the fridge and began sipping out of the orange juice bottle when I was startled by the screeching of the front gate. I jumped and dropped the jug on the hardwood floor. “Ugh.” I mumbled under my breath. Ignoring the spill, I peered through the windows. To my surprise, there was not a single being outside. 

Now, I didn’t exactly live in a dangerous neighborhood. There were no shootings, robberies, or anything like that, but in a small town like mine people get bored easily. When people get bored in small towns they mainly turn to drugs. That night I wasn’t feeling too up for dealing with anyone who was high or drunk. Just as I turned away from the door I heard another familiar squeak; my bedroom window was opening.

My heart plummeted to my toes. I froze in my steps. My stomach knotted itself all up and I collapsed to the floor. I crawled as quickly and as quietly as I could manage towards the basement door. Sweat began to bead up on my forehead as I slowly reached up to the cool, brass, door knob. Just as I began to turn it, I felt a presence behind me. Before I could turn to see who it was, the kitchen light flicked on and a familiar voice filled the empty air.

“Eleanor? What the hell are you doing?” Laughed Marley. I quickly shot to my feet and straightened my skirt.

“I, well, uh. Why don't you use the front door like a normal person huh?” I exclaimed as I felt my cheeks begin to flush from embarrassment.

“But the front door is so predictable and boring.” Marley groaned then glanced down at the spilt juice, her brows furrowed.

“You scared me!” I explained hotly. Marley giggled and took a seat at the dining table. That was when she withdrew a folded piece of paper from her jeans and spread it out on the table for me to see. The black ink at the top entitled the piece “The Reckless List.” Below it was several different tasks , some of which had lines crossed through them.

The Reckless List:

Get Revenge

Hitch hike  Crash a wedding.

Go skinny dipping

Crash a party  Get arrested  Break into a house

Catch a last minute flight with an unknown destination

Chase a storm  Host a party  Find a missing person

Crowd surf  Discover and explore ruins

Get lost  Get into a fist fight

Hijack someone's day  Pick pocket  Escape a near death situation

Dine and Dash  Save a life  Run from the cops

Get a tattoo  Fall in love

Take a road trip  Learn how to pick locks

“Why are you showing me this?” I asked. Marley pulled a pen out of her hair and crossed off ‘Break into a house’.

“Pick one.” She grinned at me. Puzzled I stared back at her for a bit. “Ugh come on! We don't have all night.”

I couldn't help but continue to stare down at her. Marley looked back up at me expectantly, the freckles below her eyes dotted their way across her nose and cheeks like constellations in the night sky. I quickly averted my attention back to the list. Most of it’s contents were full of things that were impossible for us to do.

“Does it have to be something that hasn’t already been crossed off?”

“Duh.” Marley groaned. She tapped her long nails impatiently on the golden wood. “If you don’t hurry up and pick something I guess I’ll just leave.”

I bit hard on my lower lip in contemplation. “I guess we could get revenge on someone?” I suggested but Marley shook her head no.

“I’m saving that one for the right moment.”

“Okay then. I don’t know Marley, I feel like we don’t know enough about each other yet. Like jesus I just met you today!” As soon as the words escaped my lips a sinister smile crawled across her face.

“How else are we supposed to get to know each other? Come on Eleanor, explore your curiosity!” Marley exclaimed.

“ Curiosity killed the cat.” I reminded her. Marley closed the distance between us and whispered in my ear as if she was telling me the most important secret I would ever encounter.

“And satisfaction brought it back.” She pulled up her sweaters sleeve and on her forearm was the quote, tattooed in thick ink.

That was when a switch flipped in my head. “I need a tattoo.” Marley smiled wide, then sprung into action. She folded up the list and shoved it deep in her pocket while grabbing my hand, rushing me out the door. As she did so she began texting furiously. “Who are you talking to?” I asked, the fear in my chest began to rise up into my throat.

“My tattoo artist duh.” 

***

As I struggled to keep up with Marley’s remarkably long strides- considering how short her legs are- my mind swirled with anxiety. I was about to put something permanent on my skin. What would Mom think? What if I regret it? Can it get infected? My thoughts intensified in waves of fear, crashing against the constraints of my skull. My temples began to throb.

“Can you shut up?” Marley hissed from in front of me. I stopped walking and stared at the back of her head. “No I can't read your mind but, how awesome would that be!” She turned back to face me, her blue eyes piercing me with an intensity that never faltered, even though it was dark out. “Stop worrying love. Breathe, go with the flow. There’s a time to stand against the world and there’s a time to go with it. Now is one of those crucial moments where you just need to let things happen.”

After taking a few deep breaths the worrisome voice crumbled away and we resumed walking towards town. Her feet hit the sidewalk with so much force, a loud smack echoed out with each and every step. I silently sympathized for her poor feet. Suddenly, she darted into a random cafe. I cautiously caught the glass door and peered in before stepping in completely. The whole place was dark except for in the way back, where streams of light flooded out from around a swinging door.

Marley led the way into the back and I followed closely behind now, practically hanging off of her back. The second the door swung open we were blinded by the light. Once my eyes adjusted a tattoo clad man greeted us, while leaning up against the cool steel counter. His jet black hair was slicked back, revealing a forehead tattoo that said ‘Fu*k So*iety’. 

“Hey Jeb! I really appreciate you doing this for us so late.” Marley hugged the man.

“No problems sweets. So what are we doing tonight?” His voice was heavily accented. Why was an Aussie in the middle of nowhere, tattooing minors, in closed cafes?

“This is my friend Eleanor. She’s feeling curious.” Marley looked back at me, signaling that it was my turn to enter the conversation.

“What and where?” Jeb asked as he gave me a once over. I knew what I wanted, but I was scared to ask.

“I was thinking the face of a big cat, but half of it as a skull. Is that too hard or?” I started but Jeb held up a hand to stop me.

“Say no more.” He took me by the hand and led me to a seat. I took off my cardigan and laid it in my lap. “So I was thinking your shoulder or your thigh. You pick.”

“What will hurt less?” I asked nervous to hear the answer. Jeb slapped my leg, then slapped my arm.

“What hurt least?” He asked sincerely, his brown eyes riddled with excitement.

“My thigh.” I answered, while lifting my skirt slightly, exposing my pale leg

I looked up at Marley who seemed the most excited out of us all. I kept eye contact with her knowing that the second I saw the gun nearing me, I would wimp out. She smiled, and held out her hand for me to squeeze. I felt the needle pierce my skin and was glad that I had chosen to look away. I didn’t think it would burn as much as it did.


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Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:21 pm
LilyRose wrote a review...



OK so this is going to be a general reveiw, things to look out for when you're revising the chapter. I loved the plot, I thought it was a very good start but I don't yet feel I know much about the characters, I feel as though there should be more description or something so that I can picture them more easily. I also felt as though all it was was action after action, there was very little emotion, look into the show not tell technique because I think it would benifit your writing greatly. I also noticed a few of filler words, look at the following website if you want to find out more about this https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=fille ... &ie=UTF-8# . None the less I do like the plot and am interested to find out what happens next.




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Fri Apr 28, 2017 4:51 am
Wriskypump wrote a review...



So flexing my fingers for the REady. Aaaand, they're off...


“Ugh.” I mumbled under my breath. - make that a comma after Ugh,

"...or anything like that, but in a small town like mine people get bored easily. - You might Use a colon or semi-colon right before but.

"...use the front door like a normal person huh?” I exclaimed - stylistic choice I guess, but as the reader I'd like to see an ! if someone's exclaiming :)

"Marley groaned then glanced down at the spilt juice, her brows furrowed." - It should probably be something like, 'Marley groaned, then glanced down at the spilt juice. Her brows furrowed."

"I explained hotly." - to comma or not to comma after explained. Unsure myself.

For some reason I really like the way you wrote out that list. It must've been the blank spaces between like every couple choices

“Duh.” Marley groaned. - "Duh," lead into the verb Marley is doing, since the action is not separate from the speech. Like if the next thing said was, Marley jumped up out of her chair. But as it is, Marley literally groans the word so it gets hinged all in one sentence.

"...Marley’s remarkably long strides- considering how short her legs are- my mind swirled with anxiety." --considering how short her legs are-- or i would do
- considering... legs are -
I just hiccuped on it when I read over it the first time. The other ways to format it, I can then pick up on how I should stress it when I read it in my head.

"My thoughts intensified in waves of fear, crashing against the constraints of my skull." - Beautiful. I haven't praised your writing yet so far, but why should I? It's pretty gorgeous as a whole, so I'm mostly only bringing up the small things that interrupt flow and impede flow and whatnot. It's a very satisfying read.

“Stop worrying love." - comma after worrying

revealing a forehead tattoo that said ‘Fu*k So*iety’." - Seems quite unrealistic that anyone would dork stamp themselves in such a boorish way for everyone to see every day for the rest of his waking life. If what the tattoo said wasn't so indelicate, my senses would probably believe it realistic enough.

Kind of an awkward spot to end the chapter, perhaps. I didn't feel like it was full yet. Maybe the last sentence just didn't really punch me much, either.

So this was really smooth the way it rolled, believable in nearly every spot, and the expressions of the characters were well done. The setting could've been embellished on or mapped out, just a hair more: don't take that too far tho cause it was pretty good as is. Great job, I have to give this like a 9.5/10

Would you consider adapting the title to: The Reckless list ? ? ?

ciao, seniorita BuBBleGum






Hey there! Thanks you for the review, I'll be sure to go back through with your critiques in mind! As for the forehead tattoo, I drew inspiration from someone I actually know with a 'Fu*k You' tattoo who, I based this character off of. I changed it to be a little less harsh (in my opinion) so that will be staying. Also the title once was The Reckless List but as my story unraveled I found myself focusing more on being reckless because they are young and can and not necessarily follow the list to a tee. That is why I changed it to "The Reckless Years". :)



Wriskypump says...


lol, I can hardly believe someone in real life would actually do that. Knocks my socks backwards in my shoes! Can I try another time at a Title? How about you kind of pun it: The REcklist. or "The Young & The Recklist," ] or perhaps even... "Bored Reckless?"



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Mon Apr 24, 2017 11:55 pm
inktopus wrote a review...



Hey, BubblegumGoddess! Storm here for (yet another) review, so let's jump right into it!

“But the front door is so predictable and boring.” Marley groaned then glanced down at the spilt juice, her brows furrowed.

You are going to have to be really careful with Marley's character. There's a trope commonly known as "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" and Marley's character seems to be heading down that path. I'll direct you to the Wikipedia page regarding it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manic_Pixie_Dream_Girl Hopefully, it will help you understand why you'll want to avoid that trope. Obviously, Marley can still be quirky, but there's definitely a right way to go about doing that.

“I was thinking the face of a big cat, but half of it as a skull. Is that too hard or?”

So far, Eleanor has seemed fairly reserved, then she wants a big cat that's also a skull? That seems out of character. If you want her to seem like anything other than reserved, you're going to need to showcase her personality a lot more than you have been.

“What will hurt less?” I asked nervous to hear the answer. Jeb slapped my leg, then slapped my arm.

“What hurt least?” He asked sincerely, his brown eyes riddled with excitement.

This exchange doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. Mainly Jeb's reply. I think it's just the wording, but I just wanted to point that out.

Overall, your writing is pretty solid. A bit unpolished, but a lot of that will come with more time and practice. I think that your characters need the most work. Your plot seems to be moving pretty briskly; you definitely don't have any pacing issues at all, though make sure not to rush things. I feel like your dialogue, especially your tags could be better, so try to think a little more about your tags than you have been. Add a bit more description than you have, and use more creative, specific wording.

If you have any questions for me, just ask in a reply or feel free to even pm me!

~Storm




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Mon Apr 24, 2017 6:17 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Hi there!

I'm intrigued by Marley and especially her list. I like not only the fact that she has the list, but that you've already shown us things that are crossed off. It's good characterization beautifully done - before she says more than a sentence, we have a good idea of what she's like, based both on what she wants to do and what she's already done.

Eleanor is a good viewpoint character, because she's more grounded and not obsessed with rule-breaking or living on the edge. She's a character most readers will likely identify with, so it's good for us to see Marley through her eyes rather than being in Marley's viewpoint. And a tattoo is something a lot of teenagers want, so that seems like a good place for her to start with the list.

Also this.

Now, I didn’t exactly live in a dangerous neighborhood. There were no shootings, robberies, or anything like that, but in a small town like mine people get bored easily. When people get bored in small towns they mainly turn to drugs.


That is so completely true!

The main issue I have right now is that I question Eleanor's extreme willingness to go along with the crazy plans of a girl that, according to the story, she literally just met.

“Okay then. I don’t know Marley, I feel like we don’t know enough about each other yet. Like jesus I just met you today!”


Just met. Whoa.

Now, maybe it's in character for Eleanor to just go along with whatever the person next to her wants to do, and that's fine. But this is just the start. I see I'm on part 3 of chapter 1, so I have to assume the first two parts show how she and Marley met, which is good because that's an important part of this. But I think it would also help if we saw Eleanor's back-and-forth about Marley and what she's trying to get Eleanor to do. Even if that just means Eleanor thinking, "There's no reason I should do this. In fact, I shouldn't do this. I don't even know Marley yet, not really. But there's just something about her that makes everything on this list sound exciting instead of dangerous." Something akin to that would go a long way toward showing us that there's an irresistible [i]something[i] about Marley that makes Eleanor decide to go along with her, even though they barely know each other.

Write on!
Blue






Thank you so much for this feedback! It was super helpful! I definitely think that you should read the first two parts of chapter one in order to get a better understanding of the story. Who knows, you may even enjoy it ;) haha. I am definitely gonna take you up on adding in Eleanor's thought process and why she is so apt to join her. I do reveal that later in the story but, I think it would be good to add that in the beginning as well! Once again, thank you so much!
-Bubblegumgoddess




When a good man is hurt, all who would be called good must suffer with him.
— Euripides