Hi there! Lucrezia here, for a very belated review. (Sorry about that!) So, to begin, I'll get my criticism out of the way first. My main issue here is that this piece was very... dramatic. Dramatic's okay—even great some of the time—but when it starts to feel a bit melodramatic, things get weird. Another way of saying it would be that this piece did, at times, come off a bit overly solemn in its delivery. All of what you're saying in this is sad, but I think a clearer, straightforward approach to describing those sad things—rather than getting mired in woe and pity—would make the sadness stand on its own instead of becoming this mountain of gloom. The final lines are a good example:
You doubt your talent. You stop believing in yourself. You stop writing. And one more writer, who could give the world some of the greatest words of all time, dies.
Well, that got depressing really quickly.
A blank sheet of paper.
Hello! Normally at this point I'd give an introduction, but that is unnecessary seeing as everything you need to know about me can be found there.<-----I like the first two sentences, those work very well. For the rest of the first paragraph, you start to go into the deadly pitfall that comes with second person: assumptions. You say that the reader does things, which, instead of including the reader, can actually alienate them.The same thing starts to happen in the second paragraph. This actually gets just a little confusing. I mean, I understand what you mean, and I think most people do, too. It's at a deadly level of confusingness where people don't point it out, because they understand it, but it very subtly lowers the quality of your work.To combat all the second person assumptions, I'd use analogies. I think that analogies are your friend in this case, because they can come from anyone and they can convey the point you're trying to make very well.I actually love the last paragraph. This is the pinnacle, the high point of your piece. The last sentence in particular is very profound. I'm not sure anything actually needs to be changed here, except possibly cutting the phrase "You doubt your talent." That's pretty much summed up in the rest of the paragraph, and it hides a subtle and dangerous assumption.Basically, the first paragraph was pretty good, at the second I struggled a little, and the third was FANTASTIC. This needs a little tweaking, but I thought you did a great job.Feltrix
Hey! Sky here at your request Please remember these are all suggestions. I'm not sure where to start. I have to say this is brilliant. It's just so true and pure and oh my god I felt like someone read my mind. So I will start by thanking you for writing this and helping writers understand they are not alone when they get hit with writers block. Ok moving on, I think this was truly amazing. You asked me to be honest and here I am being honest as I can. I really have nothing to critique here. One thing:
"you forget every accomplishment that encouraged you to become a writer and start thinking that maybe you aren't just good enough.
Ahhh, I love this! You've totally captured the crazy emotions of a writer, simply by writing. Ironic as that may sound. Can I just - *sends virtual hug* I'm trying not to get all mushy and gushy over here, because I am going to do a review, but this really got me. I hate it when people second guess themselves, I Hate It! This piece just goes to show we're all being stupid when we do that. We never know exactly who we may touch. But, moving on here... Your first paragraph was perfectly fine, but I had a little bit of a problem with the second one. The beginning two sentences are going off the previous paragraph; we're angry and upset we can't write. Then, suddenly, we dive into the pros of writing, the passion, the praise, the love. ...Throw your pen away and think that you weren’t meant to be a writer. The passion you had when you showed one of your articles to your teacher and she heartily praised your writing skills. Those two sentences do not flow into each other. Did you mean to say something more along the lines of how we forget about that passion? It was, all in all, an awkward change of thought, and I suggest you fix it up a little. Maybe give us more hints of this passion/praise part, as you build up to it. I like your picture. A lot. I actually might steal it. ;P But I fail to see why you stuck it in here. If this is an unfulfilled dream that the person did not end up accomplishing, and could never get past the blank piece of paper, why the non-blank piece here? You end the story with the person dying, and this picture kind of contradicts it with its Once upon a time.... Like something's beginning. So those are my thoughts all out for you to see. Okay, so you did have a couple grammatical errors here and there, but it's nothing I'm going to freak out and wave my hands about. Overall, I genuinely liked this, and I hope to read more from you. Once more, thanks for sharing this with us!cheers!-TheKid
*claps wildly*THIS IS AMAZING AND SO RELATABLE!I've been writing for three years now (i think) and I've thrown away so many pieces of failed work that sometimes I feel like giving up. I've always compare myself to others: "Why can't my work be like hers/his" "Why am I even bothering with this?" I thought I was the only one that felt this way so thank you for writing this and making me realize that I'm not alone. I love the use of rhetorical questions, I automatically started asking myself the same questions, remembering all the times I said the same words to myself. Also the use of the short sentences was a great way to implement specific lines in my head. "A blank sheet of paper. That’s the biggest fear for a writer." I found myself agreeing with each line.The use of personal pronouns made this very personal (sorry for using the word twice couldn't think of a different one xD) which made me engage with it more.The length of the article was also genius. It wasn't too long and was the perfect length to imitate a conversation with one's self. Well done.Keep Writing!
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