Young Writers Society

I like this metaphor, especially the "and i hope you'll drown with me," part. I would take out the strikethrough on the last line though, since I feel like you've built up a ton of tension only to end with a whimper. I'd put the whimpering somewhere in the middle, not right at the end after a bunch of tension has been built up. Also, the whole thing feels rather euphemistic to be honest, which is actually something I tend to like in a lot of cases, but the lack of a rating on it on the site that gets lawsuits left and right surprised me.

"i am a puddle of emotions"

I would tweak this line a bit for metrical purposes. Also

"i want to believe you"

feels a bit forced. It feels like it should either flow a bit more lightly there, or be a bit more emphatic in a way that doesn't break the buildup of tension towards the end. In this case, it feels like some sort of sputter there, like it's fizzling a bit before the end and taking away some of the explosive force.

Those two things are pretty minor though in comparison to the overall idea, so nice work.

I love, love, love this. Such strong imagery, and while the organization of all the water metaphors don't necessarily line up, I think that's okay. It still flows well. Honestly, I think it is more impactful without the last line- end it on a strong image and a strong emotion! That said, it's your poem, and your right to express what you feel as you like. Overall, this is such a strong base and I can only see any changes you choose to make strengthening it even further.

ZeldaIsShiek here once more from ANOTHER review on amazing poetry! Three reviews in one day?!?! That hasn't happened for weeks! Either way, I'm glad I have time to review this work. It was really looking forward to it, by the title. Without any more delay, let's dig right into this poem!

One thing that I liked about your poem was that it is up and down. Instead of having a clear theme that everyone will interpret and understand the same each time, your poem had a very elegant theme that could be interpreted in many ways. For instance, at first I thought that the poem was about letting a partner grow distant and later come back to you, but after reading further and further into the poem, it really feels like you aren't the one in control, but you are the emotional mess that is trying to push through and act confident to your former partner, who apparently doesn't care as much as they should.

This poem is a beautiful piece of literature and one I think honestly deserves to be in the top five literary works on the site right now. This is why I think it is deserving of a LIKE from a friend! (me)

Anyway, thanks for making this! You had nothing wrong with your work that I could notice.
-ZeldaIsShiek

Hey,it's lily here for a review.

Your poem"Tsunami treasures" is a touching piece. I loved the way you used the idea of a tsunami to describe that particular situation of your life.I just hope reality wasn't that bad tho.

I'd like to help you out a bit to make your poem draw more attention.I personally feel it would be better if you'll start all your new sentences with a capital letter.That's gonna give a better look too which interests readers.
And I think you have to work a bit on punctuation's,because by punctuating sentences you won't only be punctuating them but controlling the flow of the reader.And your secong line got be kinda confused.In what or where are you pulling the person back in??

The central idea and the words you chose for describing yourself is awesome,except for the tiny corrections you can make.

The last striked sentenced sparked life into your whole poem,it shook me too.

hope I helped ya!Loved your poem..looking forward for your other posts.

-Lily^_^

So this is absolutely amazing, but I'm glad this doesn't really relate to your life right now, since that's pretty sad.

To start off, I really like the beginning lines, but if you're linking the person with the sea, then wouldn't you want to directly say "you push (me) out; you pull (me) in" instead of you doing the action? This way you can attribute the tide to who you're describing clearly.

Your second part is really good too! Although I like the quotations, I feel like they kind of interfere with the flow of the poem, since "'wishing for a tsunami'" could have the same impact as ending that line with a semicolon or a period, then ending "i'm only yearning" with another period. Since you include some punctuation in this, I felt that making sure those first four lines are linked adds to the structure of this poem, and helps the reader to be combine certain parts together. If that makes sense!

Also, I like the lines "you'll send goosebumps in ripples across my skin" but I kind of wish you'd change "in" to "as" to better compare these two things, but it's definitely fine as it is!

The last lines are absolutely beautiful! The crossed out line threw me off for a second, but I like that you included it.

I hope this helped! This is really good! Great job!