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Quest for Fire ~ Chapter 20 ~ The Journey

by felistia


Zoltar stirred the next morning, feeling refreshed and very hungry. It was mid-morning and the sun was blazing hot against his scales. The ocean sparkled like it was a moving treasure mound of sapphires and diamonds.

“Morning sleepy claws…. how’s the day?” a slick voice hissed from behind him.

Zoltar whipped his head round, leaping to his feet on instinct. On the golden sand in front of him, resting in the shade was Felistia. She was panting and kept glaring up at the sun.

Zoltar cocked his head. Felistia was acting as though yesterday had never happened. She was back to her normal sly and yet sweet self. Had she just been in a bad mood yesterday or was it something else? It wasn’t the first time she’d been off with him. Zoltar’s scales began to crawl. Something wasn’t right here, but for now he’d have to act natural and hope to she’d reveal her intentions. “Pretty sweltering, I guess for you,” Zoltar shrugged, stretching his wings to full height, so that they gleamed and shimmered like polished crystal. “Why don’t you go in the sea if you’re hot?” Zoltar suggested, pointing at the sparkling blue water.

“I hate salt, it sticks to my scales and makes them itch terribly for days before I can lick all of it off.”

“Poor Felistia. It must be unbearable in this weather,” Emerald shimmered into view behind the grumpy Ice Talon.

Felistia didn’t answer and instead started to lick the sand off her ice blue claws.

“Hi guys! Glad to see you’re up Zoltar,” Shiraku yelled, leaping onto the beach. She shook out her wings, sending sea water splattering all over Zoltar, Felistia and Emerald.

Hissing angrily, Felistia sprang back from the shower of salty water, bumping into Emerald and sending the two of them tumbling onto the sun bathed sand.

“Oops, sorry Felistia,” Shiraku snickered, watching the two dragons untangle themselves “I brought some fish if anyone is hungry? There are huge shoals of them out there.”

She padded back into the water and dragged out two massive silver tuna.

Zoltar’s mouth watered at the sight of the two fish gleaming in the sun.

Felistia turned up her nose, “I don’t feel like it.”

She proceeded to lick the sea water off her scales, occasionally casting glares at Shiraku, who took little to no notice at all while she tucked into her fish.

“No thank you,” Emerald replied quickly, her scales turning a pea green, “I’d prefer a squirrel or something.” She hurriedly rush into the forest, melting into the shadows.

“Something tells me she doesn’t like fish,” Zoltar wrinkled his snout in amusement.

“Well, I love it,” Shiraku said as she sliced a ruby red piece of fish off and popped it into her jaws.

“I kind of like it, though I personally prefer deer,” Zoltar replied, thinking back to when the Shadow Lands had been a paradise for dragons and animals alike. He hoped that the Misty Mountain Island would be similar once the howler dragons had gotten rid of the Exltron and Fangtars.

...

After breakfast, the group headed towards the Sulphur Swamps to the west of Megalonia. It was almost midday, so the Moon Talons were nowhere in sight. The only signs of life coming from the small village were the loud snores vibrating through the hot air.

Omens that winter was on its way were everywhere. The trees no longer had their emerald sheen and were starting to fade honey yellow and blood red. Flocks of birds could be seen leaving and heading south, their shrill calls resonating in Zoltar’s ears as he flew over the Moon Talon village.

Soon they cleared the Moon Talon kingdom and were soaring over the Rocks of Death. Jagged rocks speared through the bleak landscape, like the spines on a thorny devils back. A hot wind swept through the columns, whistling a hollow howl as it twisted and turned around the shrub covered pillars. Dappled grey Highlasaurs nimbly bounded from peak to peak, their long tails coiling around the rocks for balance. The deer like reptiles looked up and called out in alarm as the group of dragons soared overhead. Leaping for cover, they sprinted across the steep rocks with ease until they disappeared behind the many spears of granite covering the landscape.

Zoltar heard a low growl from Shiraku's direction. He looked over to see her eyes glinting with greed at the sight of the departing Highlasaurs. She was already slowly gliding down towards them, hawk like eyes trained on the fleeing reptiles.

"Shiraku don't even think about it," Zoltar said firmly, diving in front of Shiraku, cutting her descent off short. He knew what she was thinking; Highlasaurs were very tasty if you could catch them. They were quite harmless really, it was their habitats you had to watch out for. The sharp rocks spearing out of the landscape could cut a dragon to shreds if they went barrelling through those dagger like rocks in a high speed chase.

"Oh come on. Look at them," Shiraku whined with longing, stretching a hooked claw towards the distant figures leaping over the peaks, "Just let me catch one. Just one. That's all I'm asking for?" When Zoltar gave her a scowl, she cried out and roared, "What are you trying to do? Starve me?"

"You just had breakfast," Zoltar exclaimed, pushing Shiraku in the direction of the far off Sulphur Swamps.

"It was a very small breakfast," Shiraku grumbled grumpily as she flew off after Felistia and Emerald.

"Oh brother," Zoltar rolled his eyes, a smile crossing his face as he hurried to catch up with the others.

...

After a few hours Emerald crinkled up her nose and moaned, “What is that disgusting smell?”

Zoltar took a deep lungful of air and flinched. ‘She's right.’ The air had a distinct sulphur scent to it.

Gradually the landscape began to change. The bleak rocks were now spotted with the occasional willow and had thin strands of yellow floating up from the brown puddles of mud strewn between the spikes of granite.

The rotten egg odour was getting stronger by the second and Zoltar was starting to feel quite nauseous. Emerald next to him was a swirling mass of bright lime green and sickly yellow. Even Shiraku was starting look a bit disgusted and Sea Talons had the worst sense of smell in the dragon kingdom.

Soon they were flying over thick, steamy marshes. Bubbles of the black goo slowly rose to the surface of the mud pools and burst, splatting sludge all over the thin reeds spearing out of the swamp. Old trees and bushes stood by the edge of the water, some had fallen in and were now rotting, letting off a foul mouldy scent that mixed with the strands of yellow sulphur seeping from the bog.

“I think it might have been useful if you had told us it would be this flaming stinking,” Emerald grouched, before turning an entirely new kind of green that Zoltar had never seen before.

“Sorry, the swamps seem to be smellier than the last time I passed this way,” Zoltar quickly apologized, concentrating all his energy into not getting sick. The air felt hot and was heavy with the foul scent of rotten meat and vegetation, “I was going to tell you…”

"And when might that have been," Emerald hissed quickly before clamping a paw heavily over her snout.

"Now?" Zoltar said awkwardly, flinching as the combined glares of Emerald, Felistia and Shiraku bore down on him. He smiled sheepishly as they picked up the speed.

...

Soon the swamp sped into the distance as Zoltar and the rest of the group headed over the Forest of Doom. The trees were dark ivy green and not a speck of gold or copper marked their broad leaves. The air was had a strange chill to it and every now and then a solitary white flake would float past Zoltar’s snout.

Zoltar glanced down at Felistia. She hadn’t said a thing since they had left the Moon Talon kingdom. She was just flying along like a ghost in the wind, her eyes as deep and unreadable as the vast ocean. Zoltar wondered what she was feeling having not been home in such a long time. How was she going to react when they had to go into the palace? Would she try to stop him from stealing the queen’s opal?

Zoltar clutched the brown pouch hanging around his next closer, sneaking a quick glance at the slab of grey rock inside. Would she leave him and decide to stay in the Ice Kingdom. A little voice spiked through his head, ‘Of course not. She’s a wanted criminal there.’ But Zoltar wasn’t so sure.

The landscape below was changing rapidly. Trees and bushes were becoming scarce and the earth was covered in thin sheets of glittering white frost.

The light was starting to fade, bright colours softening as evening approached. The air was getting colder by the second and the ice below Zoltar was starting to turn a baby blue as the warm sun dropped below the horizon, its last golden raze glittering off his onyx black scales, 'We're going to have to land soon,' he thought as the warmth of the suns light disappeared, giving way to the cold of winter. The air was bitterly cold and soon it would reach below freezing. The best thing to do would be to sleep through it. They had to land.

He was about to suggest the notion when Felistia’s icy voice suddenly cut through the silence like a dragon’s claw slicing through a thick tree branch, “We have to land." She snapped her wings in close as she dipped into a steep swoop towards earth. Caught off guard by the sudden change in plans, Zoltar slipped into a less than elegant dive after the rest of the group, who had followed Felistia.

The thin sheet of silver ice cracked under Zoltar’s claws as he landed a few meters away from where the group of dragons were huddling under a wisp of a tree.

Felistia had her milky white snout stretched towards the newly born southern stars, their twinkling lights marking the way towards the Ice Kingdom.

Zoltar watched her warily. She'd been acting strange ever since they'd left the Misty Mountain Island. What was she hiding? Come to think of it, she’d always been a bit aloof with him, even on the island. Was there more to her than met the eye? Zoltar heaved an involuntary yawn. He'd confront Felistia in the morning, it was too late for it now.

He stared out over the desolate plains as the last of the suns red light disappeared, coating the land in crystal like darkness. Zoltar jumped as the moaning creak of ice slashed through the silent night. He whipped his head towards the direction of the sound. It was coming from a far off lake; The Lake of Whispers. The lake was freezing over, winter was here.


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Sat Feb 18, 2017 12:18 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey, I'm back!

So this is a nice kind of transistion chapter - it's great to get to see them all interact and just kind of have fun together.

Shiraku is a little bizarre sometimes. She acts very childish and grumpy here, even though before I had felt like she was older than Zoltar. And I feel like sometimes her standoffishness is exaggerated to the point of feeling fake.

You also sort of keep going back and forth with Felistia, at first saying she's acting oddly, and then saying she's not. Like last time, the reader just assumes that she's being quiet because heading back home could be dangerous and would generally bring up a lot of conflicting emotions. To me, at least, the question isn't "what is Felistia hiding?" it's "what exactly got her kicked out, and should I be worried about whatever it was?" Basically, both the reader and Zoltar know enough about Felistia to have a guess at the sort of thing she might be hiding, so having Zoltar think of it in such vague terms just makes it feel like he's being obtuse.

The lake was freezing over, winter was here.

Before, your descriptions indicated that it was the beginning/middle of autumn, so saying winter is here either says to me that they're flying hundreds of miles north in one day, or it was actually a lot later in the year than the rest of the descriptions led me to believe. Lakes don't generally tend to freeze over for a while because they're so big.

Again, I really like the world you've built here, with the changing landscape and all the different biomes and places. I'm sort of expecting them to go to some of those places later. :P

Finally, it still feels weird that we haven't gotten to read the tablet with Zoltar. We know he's read it, and since we're following his viewpoint and it's such an important moment, it feels weird that we weren't there with him. Plus, it makes it so I as the reader have no idea of the pacing/structure of this story - knowing how many items Zoltar needs to find can really give the reader an idea of the pacing early on and the ability to "check off" the list in their head, and that's important in a story. Of course, at this point you'd just have to go back and add in that scene.

And that's all I've got!




felistia says...


Thank you for another review. :D

About that bit with the tablet, I went and edited near the end of chapter 16 to show that he read the tablet.

About the whole thing with Zoltar being paranoid about Felistia, I'm have a bit of trouble pulling it off the way I want it to. I've decide when I go back and edit the first 6 chapters that I'm going to have something in there to explain why he's so paranoid.

The part about the seasons in this world, I'm planning to make them shorter than in out world. Around 2 months each. And the reason the lake is freezing over so fast is because they're nearing the Ice Kingdom so winter happens a bit faster than else wear on the continent.

Thanks again and I hope you have a wonderful day. :D



Mea says...


Awesome! Looks like you're way ahead of me. xD I'll be sure to go back and read that.



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Fri Feb 17, 2017 3:50 pm
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regismare wrote a review...



Hey, felistia! regismare here to review this chapter.

First of all, I love the whole premise of this! Dragons are so cool, and I love how you've portrayed them in this piece. Now, onwards with the critique!

The first thing I noticed when I was reading this was that there's a lot of telling, but not much showing. Telling is good for moving things along, but in a chapter like this where there's a lot description of the characters' feelings and their surroundings, showing would be better to make everything more dynamic and to give us a better feel of their moods and attitudes.

This chapter was also a little monotonous with the fact that almost the whole thing was comprised with the dragons' journey. There doesn't seem to be much conflict or urgency or danger to keep a reader hooked, nor much mystery or anything like that. It was good to have the dragons' banter, though, and Zoltar's considering of Felistia's inner workings. I think these things need to be emphasized more to make the chapter more interesting, though.

on instinct

It sounds a little strange when you read it.

It was almost midday, so the Moon Talons were nowhere in sight.

This tells too much, and it's done in a very direct way.

deer like

Deer-like

feel quite nauseous.

Again, this is telling not showing. Use descriptions of what Zoltar is feeling to show him becoming nauseous. Show his stomach churning or heaving, show his discomfort and disgust.

Emerald hissed quickly before clamping a paw heavily over her snout.

Adverbs should ideally be used sparingly. They kind of jumped out to me when they were used like this.

"Shiraku don't even think about it,"

"Shiraku, don't even think about it,"

eyes as deep and unreadable as the vast ocean

This is a good way to describe, and it does get the image across to the reader, but it is a somewhat cliché way to describe a character's expression.

raze

Rays?

I absolutely love the banter between the dragons and how different each of them are from each other. It's great to read about them while they're eating their fish and how much Felistia dislikes the ocean in general. I also love how Shiraku goes off to try and hunt and Zoltar stops her. His exasperation was so good. The casts' diversity is really refreshing to read, and also keeps the reader interested because the interactions are so good.

The creativity of the different types of dragons and the world they inhabit is enjoyable to read, too. I love the detail of Felistia's incapability with heat and her dislike of the ocean especially. The settings are good, too. It makes the different types of dragons so believable, and it makes their world a lot richer and better to read about.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this chapter, and I hope you find my review helpful. : )

-regismare





"If fortis was here, we could have a teal party"
— Pompadour