z

Young Writers Society


12+

Daggers

by ghost223


Do you ever wake up on the verge of tears,
Screaming on the inside, facing your fears,
Watching the demons use their shears,
Ripping your heart out as the enemy nears?

Have you ever died and lived through this many lives,
Living in harmony, dying with the knives,
Trying to stay in a realm of zeros and fives,
Staying alive with all these rules and drives?

How many times have you been killed,
Crying out for help, lying rest for the skilled,
Flying through the self-proclaimed depression that I build,
Dying in a mess of blood for lands untilled?

Can you keep a secret when you have these daggers,
Stabbing into you, causing awkward swaggers,
Taking a hard knock life to the staggers,
Skipping the charade, just wanting to have her?

Do you ever wake up on the verge of tears?
Have you ever died and lived through this many lives?
How many times have you been killed?
Can you keep a secret when you have these Daggers?

Screaming on the inside, facing your fears,
Living in harmony, dying with the knives,
Crying out for help, lying rest for the skilled,
Stabbing into you, causing awkward swaggers,
Do you ever wake up on the verge of tears?

Watching the demons use their shears,
Trying to stay in a realm of zeros and fives,
Flying through the self-proclaimed depression that I build,
Taking a hard knock life to the staggers,
Have you ever died and lived through this many lives?

Ripping your heart out as the enemy nears,
Staying alive with all these rules and drives,
Dying in a mess of blood for lands untilled,
Skipping the charade and just wanting to have her,
Can you keep a secret when you have these daggers?

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Points: 319
Reviews: 40

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Wed Jan 25, 2017 9:59 am
MeAndMyThoughts wrote a review...



Hello there. I hope to give a fair review. Even though a lot has been said before, I hope I can be of help.

The main part of the poem rhymes, and I love poems which rhyme. I don't think that rhyming is something which hampers your will to write poems, but rather it is a way to make a poem interesting. About the poem— yeah, it was a bit difficult understanding the meaning of the poem, but the way you presented it was great. Superb! I haven't read any poem with such a pattern. I loved the way that how the tone and a little of the meaning changes with the repeated lines. This was what brought beauty to the poem. A good poem.




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44 Reviews

Points: 1454
Reviews: 44

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Thu Jan 19, 2017 6:55 pm
CharlotteS wrote a review...



OK, this was the most fascinating yet bizarre poem I have ever read. Can I just say, I love the fact you rhymed. It isn't often that I find a poem that rhymes so thank you. Any way, back to the review.

I enjoyed this. It rhymed, (as aforementioned) and the words flowed easily. However, the meaning wasn't clear. I was confused for a while, but then thought back to the times where what I was feeling came near to what this poem is saying and it began to make sense. For those of us who ave not struggled with having an overwhelming darkness inside them this could seem confusing and highly depressing. Don't take this the wrong way though, I loved this. Your meaning just needs to be a bit clearer. :)

I love that you repeat yourself! It drives the message home and helps the reader really connect with what you are saying. I thoroughly enjoyed this and hope to read more from you in the future.




ghost223 says...


Thank you



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Points: 192
Reviews: 3

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Thu Jan 19, 2017 4:10 pm
MaddyMoe125 wrote a review...



Hello

I just wanna say, this is the most fascinating poem i ever read. This was so intense i could not believe work like this is real. Keep up the good work and please continue writing. You are amazing and i find that this is my top favorite poem. You have a talent i have never seen before, keep up the good work.

Sind

Madison





Your hesitation suggests you are trying to protect my feelings. However, since I have none, I would prefer you to be honest. An artist's growth depends upon accurate feedback.
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