Hai! MeatBunCat here~
Most of this is just gonna be reactions as I read, since I figure everyone news a few of those. (I like them). But before that, I wanna say, you're paragraphs are massive. Which is fine grammar wise, but story book wise it makes the text seem more daunting.
Now on to my thoughts as I read:
Take everything you think you know about the universe. I want you to throw that out of your head for the rest of your life.
Dramatic world changing truth is dramatic.
There is no god, there is no reincarnation, and there is no life after death. The world runs on ideals like these, and that is why it is falling apart. Kings are what govern your fate, they decide how you die and when. They are the only true keepers of creation, and they hold no remorse. At least, that's what some say, but few believe.
Wait, wait wait. You just told the reader to throw everything they know about the world out the window, and then tell the reader something that is only somewhat believed. I'ma confused.
Long ago, there was nothing, yet one lifeform found comfort in the vast void of space. Over time, the creature became old and wise, having grown both in knowledge and size, encompassing a vast area, simply known as the void, for inside the creature there existed nothing.
This paragraph is awkward. I'm taking it as, long ago there was nothing, but there actually was something, and that something liked the nothing. Later in that nothingness, it learned, probably about the nothingness, and then you add on how it both existed and didn't exist, since it was basically a skin with nothing inside.
So maybe if I was gonna write it dramatically, I'd go. "Long ago in the vast depths of space, a space where only time seemed to move forward. There was a seemingly absolute void, a space empty of everything but a single lifeforms. A creature of nothing that reveled in its isolation. Within the void, with only time, the life form started to think, to learn the ways of the space around it, growing both in size and knowledge in the countless years of taking in the vast nothingness within itself."
Where nothing existed, there began to exist much, and with that, the first creation was made.
Well every beginning of the universe is a bit of a paradox anyway, at least this one has a fancy nothingness monster. But I thought she/he liked the void, why would it make anything at all.
Both the female Kings, the Prism and Colorless, as well as the Black and White Kings, stood alone.
If their gender is important, maybe you could give them another name, since you're making it sound like they were the only female kings.
Many worlds populated each realm, almost mirroring the void with their ability to expand eternally.
Oh! I remember reading something like this in journey to the west.
Final thoughts: This seems like a major exposition point to a very violent story. Which seems like it would be pretty, cool! But I think this would have been better spread around the main plot, since its not all that complicated. This seems like a interesting world, please send me a notification if you ever get a first chapter out.
Bai~
Points: 284
Reviews: 23
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