Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Flames and smokes engulfed the village of Houndstooth. The residents scrambled to safety, but few made it. What or who could have caused such a terrible fire? Oh well, for now, young Kal followed his father. It was most likely the elves, always plotting against the Dengar. But his family would not hold grudges, as Kal's father had fought alongside the elves during the Ocarinian War, so many years before. Aristas, Kal's father, drew his sword. He would do all he could to save his family. He lifted the sword, now dripping with steel, and sliced through the door of their small, quaint house. This only made things worse. Aristas cut blindly through the air with his sword, unintionally cutting through a post that held up almost all of the house. The roof went down, down and Aristas picked up Kal and threw him risk-takingly threw the small hole he had made when he had made the initial cut through the door. Kal landed safely outside, landing on some unburned brush. He watched in dismay as his house crumbled to the ground, father, sister, and mother all burning. He was beyond upset, experiencing a pain so terrible he could not even cry.
Well that is quite the start. A very intense pace being setup nice and early there and I am loving the way things are proceeding. I think you've managed to do a really solid job with that one. You definitely manage to tap straight into some pretty strong emotional moments right away there. However, this particular approach here seems to be a tiny bit rushed here. The usage of the sword there and some of the descriptions are a bit unrealistic although I suppose this might not quite be real life so some benefit of the doubt there but otherwise I think you should try and take a tiny bit more time to describe this scene than just what we have here since this is quite fast.
I'm thirteen, he thought. I can make it on my own. Finally, he broke down and cried until all the fire had ceased.
He awoke lying spread-eagle on the fire scarred ground. He had many small cuts and burns from the fire. He cried even more as he discovered his mother and father's charred-up bodies amongst the ruins of their house. He hadn't seen his sister, though. Maybe she was burned to ash, he thought. Almost the only thing left of his father was his sword, warped and melted from the unbearable heat. He did not take it, his sword along with his bow-and-arrow set were good enough for now. He sighed as he set out of the village. He felt he might have a very loong journey ahead of him.
This here is a pretty solid look at the effects of it. Of course this is the sort of thing you display the effect of over the course of a full story so what you have here right now is a pretty good indicator of it going on that path and it works. I think it wraps it up neatly as well and makes you want to know how this journey goes, so on the whole I'd say its a job well done here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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