Hello there Mr.MuddyPig, TheSilentBagpipe here to review some of your work!
First off I must say that I had no clue who this guy was before your biography. I'm not really into politics that much (still I am more interested than your average Joe), but this was a pretty good biography. Since I didn't know him, I cannot review your work at the angle of if your facts are right. I can, however, review from the grammar side of things.
I was thinking, and this is just a personal opinion, that some of your paragraphs could be condensed together to make it not so stretched out. Paragraphs #3 -4 for instance could be brought together to form one paragraph.
Also in paragraph #5 , sentence 1, you had some grammar issues:
"Bernie got to be in in Brooklyn College but didn't like it as much as he did, he wanted to move away."
I would write it like this:
"Bernie was accepted into the Brooklyn College but he didn't like it as much as he had before, and he wanted to move away."
See how it just flows more and is grammatically correct? I also had to reread yours because it was a little confusing, this clears it up a bit.
Okay so I think that is all I had for you. Hopefully this was useful! Keep writing, I hope to review more of your work!
~TheSilentBagpipe
Points: 1731
Reviews: 111
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