z

Young Writers Society


12+

Dysthymia

by danickname


I'm double-dipping my depression
every night I spend alone.
So I mark it with regression,
and more notches on my phone.
And more grooves on both my arms.
And more cracks in every bone.
Underneath the sass and smarm,
I'm more clay than I am stone.
And I know I should let go,
if I really want to grow.
But that means I'll have to throw
all my memories to the crows.
And I'd rather live with woe,
than forget the love that I've lost.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
139 Reviews

Points: 5205
Reviews: 139

Donate
Wed Aug 24, 2016 12:47 pm
Biluata wrote a review...



Hi there, Luata here for a review. Like I've written in other reviews, the topics of depression and the such are commonly written about so the hard part is finding an original way to present the concept (which I am also guilty of) but I thought you had some really nice points for this poem.

For one, I like your rhyme scheme and rhythm. The whole things just really flows when I was reading it and sometimes that is a hard thing to achieve in a rhyming poem.

My favorite line were probably "Underneath the sass and smarm,
I'm more clay than I am stone"

I just wanted to tell you that I can completely relate to this poem and if you ever need any support, feel free to PM me or drop me a line on my wall.
Yours,
Luata




User avatar
64 Reviews

Points: 11
Reviews: 64

Donate
Sun Aug 21, 2016 1:59 pm
Kazeybear wrote a review...



Hey! Kazey here for a review!

I love this poem. It's so sharp and yet soft and beautiful. I love the rhyme, and (to me anyway) it doesn't feel forced, which is a great thing to master. I also adore that the last line doesn't rhyme. It jars the reader, which (I think) is the desired affect. Even if it's not, it still worked very well.

I really don't have anything negative to say about this, it's just a beautiful piece. I suppose the only thing i could kind of say is maybe take another look at your title, but that's about it. Thank you for such a great read. And welcome back to the site!

~Kazey





"The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth."
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening