Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

16+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Elfling - Prologue

by eednamoj


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Fires blazing, taking down towers and houses in the distance. A thick black smoke was in the air, wafting over the rubble of the earthquakes. It had been twenty-one minutes since the last one, but now the ground was beginning to shake again.

Past the city walls, everything was drowned in the water that crashed through the trees only moments before. Everything was either in pieces, being blown to pieces, or about to be blown to pieces.

One foot in front of the other, and every step was agony. Not because he was in physical pain - no, it was emotional pain and it was unbearable. 

The only light in this post-apocalyptic dominion...almost everyone was dead, and those who weren't, were short on their way. No one could survive the natural disasters taking place across the country, not even those born of magic.

The tall, beautiful castle of Marlon was nothing but ashes now.

The world was ending, and it was taking no survivors.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
76 Reviews


Points: 1653
Reviews: 76

Donate
Fri Jun 11, 2021 3:08 pm
NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey eednamoj!

Wow! This is a pretty griping prologue...it has a lot of drama in very little text.

It's really intriguing, and after reading this I really want to read the next chapter and figure out what is happening.

In this tiny prologue, you have incorporated a lot of graphic detail about the pretty disastrous day. I can just see the giant once-mighty castle crumbling to ashes. I love the line where you say:

The tall, beautiful castle of Marlon was nothing but ashes now.


This line really sparked my curiosity:

No one could survive the natural disasters taking place across the country, not even those born of magic.


Because of the "not even those born of magic" part, I understand there are people born of magic in this now-dying place...That gets my little nerd heart beating sooo fast.

I also really like how you end the story. The last line is a nice touch.

On the whole, it's a pretty good prologue, albeit a little short, but it makes for the shortness with dramatic effect. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Keep writing. <3




User avatar
1542 Reviews


Points: 171770
Reviews: 1542

Donate
Fri Jun 11, 2021 6:06 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Fires blazing, taking down towers and houses in the distance. A thick black smoke was in the air, wafting over the rubble of the earthquakes. It had been twenty-one minutes since the last one, but now the ground was beginning to shake again.


Well we're off to a pretty destructive start I see, despite the number of works that I have reviewed on here, I have yet to run into a prologue that starts with an earthquake...so uhh...points for originality right off the bat I suppose. Well at any rate, some oddly specific earthquake timings to start of. Color me surprised. Let's see where this story is headed.

Past the city walls, everything was drowned in the water that crashed through the trees only moments before. Everything was either in pieces, being blown to pieces, or about to be blown to pieces.


Well, looks like we have a lot of pieces, not going to lie that last part sounds like me and my friends on the minecraft server about to send some TNT, but at any rate, as funny as it sounds, its certainly quite a dramatic to start to this here story.

One foot in front of the other, and every step was agony. Not because he was in physical pain - no, it was emotional pain and it was unbearable.

The only light in this post-apocalyptic dominion...almost everyone was dead, and those who weren't, were short on their way. No one could survive the natural disasters taking place across the country, not even those born of magic.


Oh dear, well that is straight up the apocalypse I see, looks like there aren't going to be too many survivors from this one. Well this may well be some form of apocalypse storyline here and it appears that we are indeed getting started on this one by actually detailing the apocalypse which is an awesome thing to have in a prologue.

The tall, beautiful castle of Marlon was nothing but ashes now.

The world was ending, and it was taking no survivors.


Oh never mind, looks like there will be no survivors judging from that statement, well that is truly a lovely way to end a prologue, ahh this really is very exciting to read. I would certainly read on after this to see what on Earth this could be preceding. Pretty darn good prologue that you've got right here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
95 Reviews


Points: 4906
Reviews: 95

Donate
Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:15 pm
Gymnast2801 wrote a review...



Hi!
Wow, this was a wonderful prologue!! It's very intreguing because the reader wants to know why these earthquakes are happening, who/what is causing them, why this city is set on fire and why the character is in emotional pain. I would definitely explain these questions in the story. I must say that I quite enjoyed reading this-it's very deep, and I can't wait to read the first chapter when you publish it!




User avatar


Points: 577
Reviews: 2

Donate
Wed Apr 27, 2016 12:14 am
BoluAkins01 says...



It's off to an intense start. Great description, very graphic. However, I noticed a change in tense in the second line which had me confused for a moment. It feels like this is going to be a story with an action filled plot which will get readers excited!




User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 322
Reviews: 8

Donate
Mon Apr 25, 2016 6:30 pm
snakeboy54 says...



I really like this piece of work and I really want to read more so I will try to keep up. I don't really see any errors or anything wrong with it. I kind of want to know why the world is on fire basically.I hope a lot more is explained in the future but this is a really good hooker. I wish you the best of luck with your piece and I will be following you and you have my best wishes for the future.




User avatar
105 Reviews


Points: 195
Reviews: 105

Donate
Mon Apr 25, 2016 4:33 pm
OreosAreLife wrote a review...



This was a good Prologue! I cannot wait to see what you have for the chapters! There is really nothing wrong with this. The start was really good and got my attention fast. As I started to read the text made me want to read more and more. And even after I was done reading it I an now wanting to know what happens! Keep up the good work! You have a knack for writing!





If you don't know where you're going, any road'll take you there.
— George Harrison