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16+ Language Mature Content

The girl named "eleanor"

by nayyab15


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

sunrise is most beautiful thing in world , it makes u filled with positives vibes, hopes and so much .i can see sunrise everyday and never will be bored . her life was going on the hope that her life will also shines like sun .

meet her she is " eleanor ". a girl who believes that her dreams are going to come and not even a single one will left ............. she lived her every minute with this hope ..............who knows that one of her dreams was going to come true . 

her high school crush "park".. she loved her for 5 years and then in 9 grade he asked her to  be his soul mate !!!!!!!!!!! how can resist THAT! proposal , can u believe when she everyday woke in the hope to get noticed by him even though she was fat but a girl who have  best the nature in school. if we ignore the fatness she was most beautiful girl in high school in the both aspects ... she never thought about her self that she pretty and never thought that this dreams will ever came true bcz this was her most least and deleted dream but it came true 'life is full of suprises"

her believe became more stronger .............

 he make self esteem stronger but she start sensing he do not like her in the way that she like her .... but she don't say a single she thought that maybe he wait till graduation ....

on the other side some else also proposed her 

the person her cozn  she only have one dream ages ago that her parents will make her forcefully make her to marry him but never gave that much importance ...but in those time when park don't gave importance   to her . in this time her cozn stephan proposed her gave her so much importance . she feel blissfull but what will she do she loved park for 5 years.....

what will do ... 

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Fri Jun 11, 2021 10:30 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Well this was a pretty interesting little story, its got a couple of glaring grammar issue but if you look past those there really is some pretty interesting ideas in this and I think this story does have potential here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

sunrise is most beautiful thing in world , it makes u filled with positives vibes, hopes and so much .i can see sunrise everyday and never will be bored . her life was going on the hope that her life will also shines like sun .


Okay...one of the more wholesome starts I've seen in a while here...there's a definite lack of these in general across stories that you tend to find up on YWS...well let's see how this begins....a nice sunny little start here with some proper positive energy, let's see where this leads.

meet her she is " eleanor ". a girl who believes that her dreams are going to come and not even a single one will left ............. she lived her every minute with this hope ..............who knows that one of her dreams was going to come true .


Hmm, well, alright looks like this is where we actually meet the character, that's certainly quite interesting....and alright, this is certainly adding to the whole wholesomeness and positiveness of that start, this is also talking a lot about hope and generally good things so far, although this is starting to sound so wholesome I'm almost worried now.

her high school crush "park".. she loved her for 5 years and then in 9 grade he asked her to be his soul mate !!!!!!!!!!! how can resist THAT! proposal , can u believe when she everyday woke in the hope to get noticed by him even though she was fat but a girl who have best the nature in school. if we ignore the fatness she was most beautiful girl in high school in the both aspects ... she never thought about her self that she pretty and never thought that this dreams will ever came true bcz this was her most least and deleted dream but it came true 'life is full of suprises"


Okay, well those words there do sound a little off, I don't normally comment on grammar unless it starts to genuinely mess around with the reading and understanding of a story and sorry to say, this one kind of does...and that's not great. You really wanna take a second look at that one there and iron things out quite a bit. On the other hand, well that is pretty sweet, the proposal thing that is, the whole fatness part it a little bit shady there....not everyone thinks being fat is ugly so you wanna be careful making statements like that one.

her believe became more stronger .............

he make self esteem stronger but she start sensing he do not like her in the way that she like her .... but she don't say a single she thought that maybe he wait till graduation ....


Okay...so I'm guessing this is now going full love story mode here judging by the way that we appear to be focusing suddenly on this relationship, so okay...not quite the twist I expected but its not a bad one. At any rate, we're sensing some conflict in this one, that is interesting, let's see how this one ends up going here.

on the other side some else also proposed her

the person her cozn she only have one dream ages ago that her parents will make her forcefully make her to marry him but never gave that much importance ...but in those time when park don't gave importance to her . in this time her cozn stephan proposed her gave her so much importance . she feel blissfull but what will she do she loved park for 5 years.....

what will do ...


Well uhh...we have ourselves another kinda bad grammar paragraph here, that also a needs a lot of looking at before it can really be properly understandable but from what I'm deciphering here, this sounds like it could be a pretty cool story, and I certainly want to find out more about what happens here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, as far as first chapters go, this isn't bad, and once its got a little more cleaned up grammar wise this could really be quite an awesome little story here. Anyway, that's all I gotta say here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Apr 10, 2016 9:18 am
Elijah wrote a review...



I think the start is not that appealing atleast for me and the grammar errors kind of made me think...why not stop even reading this?But i actually say that you are trying your best and i know not everyone has English as their first language so it is understandable,right?I think you can go on and show us all that you can do it.Maybe the tittle isnt that catchy and the start could be better but we all start like this.I cant say i am a pro so i cant judge you.I think you can go far with this story so just go on and see till where it will take you.




nayyab15 says...


;)



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Sat Apr 09, 2016 2:58 pm
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Sevro wrote a review...



Um. Ok. The amount of grammar errors is astonishing, and I don't even know how to comprehend it. Let's start with the title. It doesn't really make sense. I know you're trying to say, "The Girl Named Eleanor", but you put "name" instead of "Named". Also, throughout the story, you have some of the names lowercased and put in quotes. This is unnecessary, but I guess maybe it's a stylistic choice. Next, especially in a short story, the beginnings of sentences should be capitalized. Also, I would highly recommend getting some kind of autocorrecting tool on the device you are using. I kind of have to assume that English isn't your first language, because the sentence structure has gaps that suggest you are still learning the language. English is very complicated, and it breaks its own rules, so props to you for trying to grasp it.

So, this is what I'm getting out of the plot: a kind, visually unappealing girl has had a crush on the popular guy, "park", for five years, and he asks her to marry him. Then, the girls cousin asks her to marry him. So, then you end it with her having to decide between the guy of her dreams or incest. Gotcha. This is an ok plot, I guess, but you should probably put more emphasis on the fact that her parents want her to marry the cousin, because otherwise, why wouldn't she choose "park"? Just a thought. And, also, a good rule of thumb, if you are writing numbers under twenty, you should spell them out. For instance, instead of putting, "she loved park for 5 years", you should write, "she loved park for five years".

I could go through and list all the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, but I don't think I need to do that. Just remember to proofread over and over again, and installing an autocorrecting program would help you out until you can really get the hang of English (if indeed it isn't your first language. If it is, then I apologize if this review sounded rude; I just made an assumption).

I hope this helped you out a little bit, and I see that you're new here, so welcome!

~Caterpickle




nayyab15 says...


thank you so much can u be my editor because English is not my first language



HSJ says...


Yo, I loved your review.



Sevro says...


Thanks, HSJ!



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Sat Apr 09, 2016 2:27 pm
ScarOfTheWind says...



It's really interesting and I can't wait to read more. I think it would be cool if you gave a little more detail on "Park". There are also some spelling and grammar mistakes other than that It's really good.




nayyab15 says...


thanks i will :*



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Sat Apr 09, 2016 2:26 pm
ScarOfTheWind says...



It's really interesting and I can't wait to read more. I think it would be cool if you gave a little more detail on "Park". There are also some spelling and grammar mistakes other than that It's really good.




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Sat Apr 09, 2016 12:26 pm
TribeofArt wrote a review...



I like the plot it's really good and interesting! Makes me want to continue reading to know what happens next. The female lead's character seems to be very soothing and sweet too. I hope you continue this story and i can't wait to review it again ^ ^
Just to let you know it only affects it a littleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bit in fact most won't even notice but there are a few English grammar and spelling mistakes, but of course it's understandable! I just started writing too and i would really appreciate it if you review my chapter too please =)




nayyab15 says...


thanks and i will it will be my honor




A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
— Honore de Balzac