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The last celestrian prologue

by Spartan118


My name is Entegia and I am the last royal celestrian from the planet Kyro. I was the first Prince to be born making me the chosen one. As the chosen one, I have been sent to an alien planet to protect it from danger as its guardian. The planet I have been sent to is known as exlipze-351

"I have finally made it to exlipze-351 and it is a strange planet, so many different life forms, some the universe has never seen, I must take note of these creatures," I thought to myself as I wandered and looked around. "Hmm these creatures have no sense of fear towards me but how long will that last?

"This planet is covered in these tall weird plants that I have called mega plants so far but some of them are small, maybe their young," I said into my voice record. "It eludes me how such an old planet can have little to no advanced life on it, hmm I might find some form of advanced life later."

After wandering around aimlessly for a few day, I happened to stubble apon a village. The creatures here where different from the ones I saw when I first got here, they were taller and stood on two legs, like me. The creatures which I am going to call exlipzians have long flowing fur from their heads and a small amount on their arms and legs. 

This is the end of the prolog so plz drop a comment or a review of what you thought. 


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Fri Jun 11, 2021 10:56 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm, well I was clicking around in that first chapter and realized there was a prologue so I had to come take a quick look here, just to see what this is like, and I have to say, this ain't bad, it does read more like a first chapter than a prologue in my opinion but its still quite good.

Anyway let's get right to it,

My name is Entegia and I am the last royal celestrian from the planet Kyro. I was the first Prince to be born making me the chosen one. As the chosen one, I have been sent to an alien planet to protect it from danger as its guardian. The planet I have been sent to is known as exlipze-351


Well, you expect to see this sort of thing usually on the first chapter of something, but hmm, we have ourselves a bit of an introduction by this person here in this prologue over here. Well at any rate, this is pretty interesting, and I think this does help make that random chapter ran into earlier make a bit more sense. At any rate, this is a pretty decent start here.

"I have finally made it to exlipze-351 and it is a strange planet, so many different life forms, some the universe has never seen, I must take note of these creatures," I thought to myself as I wandered and looked around. "Hmm these creatures have no sense of fear towards me but how long will that last?


Okay...well, looks like this person is doing some documentation of the local creatures her I see...I do hope those are just like animals and not the intelligent and dominant species of the planet cause that might be taken the wrong way....and well at any rate, its an interesting but the more I read here, the more I feel like this would do a better job as the first chapter that the actual first chapter that I read.

"This planet is covered in these tall weird plants that I have called mega plants so far but some of them are small, maybe their young," I said into my voice record. "It eludes me how such an old planet can have little to no advanced life on it, hmm I might find some form of advanced life later."


Hmm, this is the best written paragraph I have run into from this story, now this really gets you a feel for this world, a feel for what kind of story this might be, and a feel for who this character is and where he comes from. This has been my favorite section so far. I really like this little analysis that the character does here.

After wandering around aimlessly for a few day, I happened to stubble apon a village. The creatures here where different from the ones I saw when I first got here, they were taller and stood on two legs, like me. The creatures which I am going to call exlipzians have long flowing fur from their heads and a small amount on their arms and legs.


I have a feeling those things have to be intelligent, how else would a proper village really get involved in this. At any rate, its an exciting note to end on, although again this would probably make for a decent place to end a chapter, maybe with a bit more of a finality to it but as a prologue this is a bit of a abrupt cut off here, not the biggest fan of this here ending, but it is certainly conveying some interesting information here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a pretty decent prologue here...well...anyway, that's all I've gotta say for now. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Apr 04, 2021 11:25 am
Freyaayerf123 says...



The author is so talented, I suggest you join NovelStar’s writing competition this April.




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Mon Jun 20, 2016 10:54 pm
HarleySenpai wrote a review...



Hello (by the way, this is Nico from wolf online :P).

First of all, I thought this piece was good, it straight away delved into this make-belief fantasy genre (e.g. "I am the last royal celestrian from the planet Kyro"), it made anticipation rise within me, like: what's next? Why is he the last? The atmosphere was enticing and allowed me, as the reader, to wonder about the near future of the story. It also made me think of the supergirl/superman/DC vibe, with the whole brief summary of their back story.

Secondly, I admire your writing style, it had a comfortable flow and pace, however there were a few grammatical errors: e.g. "I happened to stumble apon a village", it should be "I happened to stumble upon a village" instead and then also the sentence about the plants, when you say "maybe their young" do you mean as in the taller plant's young (offspring), as a sense of personification, meaning that the sentence really should be "maybe their young", giving the plant the qualities of a human? Or should it be "maybe they're young" also presenting the human like qualities but instead suggesting that the plant is younger than the older plant? Also, with a few words, you haven't used capital letters when needed, like with "exlipze-315"; it is a planet therefore significant, hence a noun - in this case it is a proper noun, so it should begin with a capital letter, making it "Exlipze-315".

Third of all, I thought that the contents were lacking, there wasn't really much to go by and truly captivate the reader. As the writer, I think you should strive to create a masterpiece, no matter what you're writing about. Whilst the beginning/opening was fairly interesting, I thought it could have been improved (though I can't really judge, I'm more of an angsty writer so I always start with dark, lingering sentences).

Furthermore, I thought at some points maybe the character wasn't so relatable, I would suggest making him more realistic, like expressing his emotions, etc. All we see him doing, really, is observing this new planet and his arrival. I felt that you could have delved deeper into his past, explaining why he had become the last royal celestrian and why, as the last, he of all people should be sent to another planet as a guardian when in truth, it is generally considered that he should remain on his own planet, to protect it and to perhaps marry and reproduce an heir to withstand the royal blood line.

Overall, the story was interesting to read, I thoroughly enjoyed it and I think it has promising potential. Keep up the good work! ~

- Harley




Spartan118 says...


Sorry when it comes to writing this story I have to really try to not let too much lose cause this is something I've been working on sonce middle school so this my baby. Well I was Ted it to start out like that for many reasons but please read the actual first chapter and it gets better as time goes on. His planet was abandoned when he was born and cause of the war that was going on when he was born so it makes sense and that's a sneak peek into chapter three there so yea



HarleySenpai says...


Yeah, I understand that you don't want to release too much information, because that would basically spoil the main plot, but I still thought you could have given more small hints. I wasn't too caught up on the fact that there wasn't much background to his past, more so that he didn't give me the qualities of something to relate to. Emotive language (and techniques as such) are valuable, and even in short pieces, like a prologue, I think they help to tie the thing together, generally for certain cases, and I thought it could have been done here and many readers seek out that sort of connection.

Oh that's so cool! It must be a dear work for you! I hope it goes well!

I had a feeling it might be something to do with a war, or some kind of disaster. Okay! I'll make sure too keep reading, I like this story so far, the idea sounds very appealing :)

- Harley



Spartan118 says...


Thx and yea I know what you're saying but I have made this character to be the silent type for multiple reasons which will be found out in book two or near the end of of this book so that's when his true nature will be found out.



HarleySenpai says...


Interesting, I like your idea of making him mysterious. However, I think that generally in creative writing when using first person narrative, the character usually expresses more emotion, etc. (Unless that's just my view point) I would've suggested to make it in third person narrative, but I still thought it was a good prologue.

- Harley



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Tue Apr 19, 2016 4:12 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



Hello, Spartan. Just Ellstar dropping by briefly for a short review, just to see how things are going.

Firstly, the highlights:

-""Hmm these creatures have no sense of fear towards me but how long will that last?" this piece of dialogue in particular just lacked a final quotation mark after the question mark, is all.

-""This planet is covered in these tall weird plants that I have called mega plants so far but some of them are small, maybe their young,"" Maybe their young, as in the big plants' babies? Or Maybe they're young, as in they are young? If it's the latter, please change 'their' to 'they're'

-" I happened to stubble apon a village." 'I happened to stumble upon a village', is what you probably meant.

-"The creatures here where different from the ones I saw when I first got here," 'were', not 'where'.

-"This is the end of the prolog so plz drop a comment or a review of what you thought. " If you can, please separate the authors note from the actual work, preferably with some sort of boundary (ie *** or my personal favorite ---). Also, even though it is the authors note, get in the habit of using formal spelling rather than informal ones (ie 'please' instead of 'plz'). For the readers sake.

Now, onto the other comments:

An interesting first start, but I felt a little underwhelmed with how a) short it is, and b) how it lacks description. The first one is due to the second one, which is what I've come to talk to you about. Personally, I like my first chapters informative but quiet, not too big and raucous, yet not too boring. I don't know which one this falls under because I don't know how to judge this, it isn't fully-formed enough for me to judge it.

For example, you could probably expand a bit on why Entegia is the last Celestrian, and what a Celestrian is, and why he is on this different planet, and what the plants and creatures look like specifically, but you never do that. It's a bit saddening, and I know descriptions are hard, but for a work of science fiction it's really important because the author needs to translate their visions to their readers.

Other than that, though, I don't have much to complain about in this prologue. Keep writing.

Signing out,

--EM.




Spartan118 says...


Ok first off I try to desperate the author notes by giving a few blank lines but it gives one blank line so yea and you try it once you will see what I am saying is true about that. And this is a prolong and a lil about the planet, the main character, and the planet's inhabitants, so plz don't count this as the first chapter.



Spartan118 says...


There is going to be more in the first actual chapter and the reason why he is but I am not explaining much in a prologue.



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Mon Apr 18, 2016 6:36 pm
AnarchyWolf wrote a review...



Hello! It's AnarchyWolf here for a review.

First of all, what I liked about this piece and what you did well. Aside from a few grammatical mistakes, you've written this fairly well. You've avoided a fatal 'info dump' at the beginning of the story - you just slipped in a sentence or two about the prince's background.

I like his unique view of the planet, and his cluelessness and curiosity. I'm not going to lie - I got a chuckle out of 'mega plants' when I imagined titan ferns or something. Having read the story, I now presume that they're trees? And that this alien is visiting Earth?

Now, this next section (what you could improve on) is going to be very grammar-heavy. I apologize in advance. I've gone through the entire story and picked it to pieces. Sorry.

"...I was the first Prince to be born making me the chosen one..."

Should be

"...I was the first Prince to be born, making me the chosen one..."

The comma acts as a 'therefore' or 'so', and makes the next clause sound like an explanation. Next thing - "exlipze-351" should have a capital letter. It's a proper noun. "Exlipze-351". Also, don't forget the full stop at the end of this paragraph.

"...has never seen, I must take note of these creatures..."

Should have a full stop at the end of 'seen', making it

"...has never seen. I must..."

With the comma, the sentence is far too long for it to be a comfortable read.

"...these tall weird plants..."

Should be

"...these tall, weird plants..."

You implied that the noun was 'weird plants', but I'm fairly sure that you meant 'weird' to be an adjective in this case, and so 'tall' needed to have a comma to indicate this.

"...life on it, hmmm..."

Should be

"...life on it. Hmmm..."

Again with the commas. Try to avoid making sentences like that too long. You can only have so many subordinate clauses to a main clause before it becomes grammatically incorrect. When your main character 'stubbles' across a village, change 'stubble' to 'stumble'.

"...first got here, they were taller..."

Should be either

"...first got here. They were taller..."

or

"...first got here; they were taller..."

When you say

"...long flowing fur..."

It should be have a comma after 'long' to indicate two adjectives.

"...long, flowing fur..."

Don't be disheartened - these technical faults are very minor and can be fixed easily with a 'lil bit of reading about grammar rules. Apart from this, the story is promising and it's an enjoyable read. Keep writing!

-AnarchyWolf




Spartan118 says...


Ok first off this is a comment and not a review and you should get points if I delete this comment and have you rewrite this as a revirw. And the true name of the planet will be told later so yea



AnarchyWolf says...


I did get points. It says that for me it was saved as a review. Maybe something wrong at your end? And even if I didn't get points, I don't really mind. I've got enough, and it was a fun read.



Spartan118 says...


Ok and it's my notifications it says commented on but I saw it said reviewed so idk



AnarchyWolf says...


Yeah, it says that regardless of whether or not your work was reviewed or commented on.

-AnarchyWolf



Spartan118 says...


Oh ok and I've never noticed




When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool, you end up looking like a moron instead.
— Robin Hobb