Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Today I did not have to anybody. Today was a good day.
Dakota sat on the far corner of her bed, which was situated in the far corner of her medium sized room. With rather bland cream colored walls her room was rather very bland, not unlike anyone else’s around this place. A simple black desk in the middle of the left wall, across from the cheap bed. A light green blanket and matching sheets carefully laid out on the bed, not a wrinkle in sight. At the opposite end on the room along the same wall as the bed was the almost always closed door to Dakota’s lonely, empty room. Unlike many of the girls here Dakota didn’t collect “souvenirs” from her missions. Many of the others would get a poster or magazine, sometimes a kick-knack or book while out on a job. Dakota on the other hand didn’t want to remember the places that she traveled to, no, she wanted to forget all about them. Forget every little detail about the target, like the shade of their perfect hair and the expensiveness of their many shoes, and how they took their coffee. But so far with no such luck, it had been engrained in her brain to remember as much as possible, so whether or not she liked it she would just have to deal with remembering everything about the many people that she had killed over the past few years. Despite have an overly photographic memory somewhere along the way she had lost count of the amount of lives that ended with her and how many people’s blood was on her hands. Being just the mere age of eighteen she had the mental maturity of an elderly woman who lived with several cats in a small cul-de-sac in a friendly movie-like town. But the truth was Dakota had never even seen a cat and the only movies that she had ever seen had been while on mission, not that she actually watched those. Another difference between Dakota and the other unfortunate souls that roamed the halls of Darchelle Manor was that, as an orphan since birth, she had been raised here. Most of these girls came here when they were anywhere from five to fifteen, but Dakota had been here for her entire life and as you may guess has little personality that truly represents her, all of her personas had different personalities. Much like that she also had little real emotion left for he had killed so many people, so often that she couldn’t let it affect her every time, so instead she locked away her feelings and got really good at acting. She was, at the mere age of eighteen the best operative that Darchelle Manor had and possibly may ever see, she was Dakota, she was a ghost.
Well...right off the bat, this giant paragraph is a little bit too much there...the flow of the actual words themselves is surprisingly not that bad, but just reading a massive paragraph like this without losing track of where you are is a bit hard...not to mention you really do have points where this would easily split into smaller paragraphs, so...it would be a good idea to split this thing up just a little so that its easier to read, and perhaps even easier to convey some of these points here.
Now, moving right on to the content of this giant paragraph of text, well, that, is actually suuper interesting...its not the first time I've run into a story like this, but its certainly still a pretty unique idea to see a whole lot of children just being brought up as a bunch of assassins for some secret organization of sorts here. And the fact that it appears the character we shall be following is the one that spent the most time there and is their best operative is certainly very interesting. So the overall premise here certainly sound quite awesome and well this is 100% a story that I would read.
But....regrettably I do have a few nitpicks on this one...the first is that cat comparison thing...it seems like a bit of a stretch there, also its just straight up telling us what her personality is like. I think it would be a lot better to just show us that through her actions and thoughts later. It's the old cliche show, don't tell, but it just applies here I'm afraid. And then also the suuper nitpick is..how does one invade and kill people in so many houses, but never see a cat....somebody's gotta have a cat for a pet right?
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254038
Reviews: 4101
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