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Taneantra's first Adventure

by Riedawriter23


Taneantra Letrans is 14-years-old and soon to be Queen of Remany, in any case, her whole life had been planned out since the beginning of time. Well, all of this is about to change. She soon comes to realize that just getting to the crown is going to be a struggle. Surprisingly on her way to her home country she meets an old childhood friend who in turn tells her that her life is in great danger. His father is Duke of Remany and wants her dead so he can take over Remany and put her people into slavery. He offers to take her to Hengelic, an island, to hide out with him until its safe but with some help of a new friend she feels to be just the opposite. She has two months of the summer to fight for her life, make major mistakes, and then leave to be crowned in a hurry, but will she want to go through with it when betrayal is in her path and she doesn’t know which way to turn?


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Sun Sep 25, 2022 3:34 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Taneantra Letrans is 14-years-old and soon to be Queen of Remany, in any case, her whole life had been planned out since the beginning of time. Well, all of this is about to change. She soon comes to realize that just getting to the crown is going to be a struggle. Surprisingly on her way to her home country she meets an old childhood friend who in turn tells her that her life is in great danger. His father is Duke of Remany and wants her dead so he can take over Remany and put her people into slavery. He offers to take her to Hengelic, an island, to hide out with him until its safe but with some help of a new friend she feels to be just the opposite. She has two months of the summer to fight for her life, make major mistakes, and then leave to be crowned in a hurry, but will she want to go through with it when betrayal is in her path and she doesn’t know which way to turn?


Okay... well this one here seems to quite clearly be something of a synopsis here although it could also with minimal adjustment or even as it is honestly be something of a blurb too. Now there's nothing here to exactly point out if its meant to be either of those things or if this is a part from the story itself, so I'm going to stick to considering it a synopsis here.

And so going along those veins... well this is quite something here. I think you'd have quite a few lovely twists lined up for the readers if you go in with something of this nature. I think it could really be the sort of story that keeps you attention the whole way through if these are executed properly. You really do have something quite powerful on your hands here methinks.

Overall, well as far as the synopsis to an adventure goes, this one is pretty solid I'd say. You've got a very strong case lined up here and if this was perhaps intended to be a blurb it'd be doing enough to at least get me to read this piece based on what it seems to promise.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Aug 18, 2007 6:42 pm
canislupis says...



from the punctuation point of view there are a few mistakes, and the sentences don't go very well together.




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Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:24 pm
Riedawriter23 says...



Oh and by the way Sureal, I DID scrap the whole blurb and I started over with a new onw. I like it better and it fit more with my query so I'm happy. One agent has already replied but I decided I didn't like that certain one so now I'm looking for others that work around Random House Fantasy and things like that. Hope it works. I thank you all for your critigues!




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Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:11 pm
Lindsaroo says...



Coolness!!!




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Wed Jan 10, 2007 10:27 pm
Riedawriter23 says...



Well, I'm finished with the novel now, I just submitted my query letter to an agent so I'll tell you all the info when it gets published!




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Wed Jan 10, 2007 7:05 pm
Cpt. Smurf says...



Sounds like it could be good, tell us when something happens!!




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Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:30 am
lulu_lizzrd wrote a review...



I think it sounds like it is going to be a great story, I'll look for more on it! I like the way you showed her thoughts too, it sounds like you're gunna do great!

Lyndzi

:D




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Wed Jan 10, 2007 1:34 am
Lindsaroo says...



Hi! It sounds really good can't wait 4 more
U r an awesome writer
(Just write more!!!)
TeeHee! JK




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Sun Jan 07, 2007 12:19 am
Riedawriter23 says...



Thank you! Great critique and thanks also for the website. :)




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Sat Jan 06, 2007 8:26 pm
Sureal says...



Oh, if this is what you wanna put in your enquiry to an editor/literary agent, may I suggest that you scrap this blurb and rewrite it from start? Don't want to sound over-harsh or anything, but this synopsis really will not catch an editor's attention.

Get your hands on the Writers and Artists Yearbook, or something simmiliar. It'll have advice in there for writing your synopsis and cover letter. In fact, a book like this is pretty much a must if you wanna get published - it has so much info in it.

http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/i ... 1093826#sw - this is a short on article on writing.com, giving a sample cover letter.

http://www.shunn.net/format/novel.html - this shows you how to format your novel.

http://www.caroclarke.com/iamyoureditor.html - this is an article, written by an editor, on submitting your novel.


Your synopsis should read like the ones you find on the back of books - it has to grip the editor and refused to let go.


For your novel - make sure you have purged it of every single spelling and grammar mistake; make sure the opening grabs the attention of the editor.


Good luck :).




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Sat Jan 06, 2007 8:13 pm
Riedawriter23 says...



I already wrote the book by the way you guys. I just wanted critique on this blurb before I sent in my enquiry. This book is Fantasy Fiction also so it does belong here, just looking for critique. Thankyou!




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Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:40 pm
writergirl007 says...



This is a good description of what a story could be about. I think that you if you take this idea and turn it into an actual story, that it will be amazing. Keep up the good work. Sir Writergirl




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Sat Jan 06, 2007 1:26 pm
Sureal says...



Oh, my bad. I accessed it from the 'View posts since last visit' page, which doesn't show the descriptions.




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Sat Jan 06, 2007 1:16 pm
Swires says...



Surreal - I was a blurb, it says so in her description.




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Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:14 pm
Sureal wrote a review...



This could do with more telling, and less showing. At the moment you're just saying 'this happened, she spoke with this person, then this happened' etc, so that it reads more like an outline or a blurb (as Phorcys said) than an actual story.

Showing and telling is an extremely hard concept to grasp - it took me quite a while before I really understood. However, I find this webpage explains it really well, and is definalty worth a read :).

^_^




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Sat Jan 06, 2007 10:57 am
Swires says...



What use is this?

THis is a forum to review and work on Fantasy Fiction, not read blurbs.

Write the thing first before posting please.





I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.
— Pablo Neruda