Hi JoytheBrave,
Mailice with a probably very short review here!
It's a miracle I found your short story. Let's start by saying that I don't know where the story will go. It seems like it could go in two paths here, where I'm not sure which one I'll take.
Firstly, I get the impression that this is a piece that could be partly like a poem, expressing how much the little girl wants to go home, even though she is about to embark on a journey (presumably with her parents and siblings). Because of the little information you get, you can already imagine a lot. Especially with the title (that's how I found your story), I assume a very positive and exciting life that will happen. Where the girl and her family will discover and marvel at many things.
But I also have the impression that you are splitting into a completely different direction here, where we are probably witnessing a kidnapping. In particular, the lack of emotion in the tone in which the girl asks how far it is home gives me the feeling that someone has taken advantage of her naivety to capture her and even do terrible things to her. There is too little circumstantial evidence to make anything of it, which is why I can't immediately decide where it will go.
Also, it doesn't make it easy to tell what it's supposed to represent because you didn't specify if it's a poem or a short story, etc.... Again, this gives the reader room to interpret, of course, but it also makes you feel like you don't know if there is an answer at all. Especially in such short moments where the author publishes something and shares such something with other people, it often seems to me that there is no answer that is correct and the author is also seen there as just "another" reader whose opinion should be shared.
This is not a negative criticism, but rather a suggestion to maybe next time, instead of just the short story, do a spoiler tag where you share your own opinion with us.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
Donate