Young Writers Society

Hello again Songmorning and happy holidays! I'm back for another review!

The stakes are risen! Again! (How much are you going to put these people through?) You've written this again very well. I, as always, am very excited to see what happens next. Thank you for that, by the way.

'“When asked whether or not he personally believed that Jigoku Shoujo was real, Hajime avoided the question, replying, ‘All I can say is, if you have someone you hate, don’t seek revenge. I can tell you now that it won’t do you any good.’”'
This starts to make me suspicious... I'm starting to invent conspiracy theories. I think that the reporter knows something........ (Cue mysterious music)

'The article began, “The Hell Girl, known as ‘Jigoku Shoujo’ in Japan, has recently become a popular urban myth in that country, with many young people there claiming it to be real.'
At this point I start to think about this (Thanks for that. I like thinking about the stories I'm reading.) and come to the conclusion that things are going to get waaaaaaaayyyy worse than they already are.

'And now she wants to sue me for…for what? The so-called trauma she had to endure? What about the trauma I had to endure? Has she even thought about that at all?'
Yay! You're considering the woman from part one! So she's coming into play..... How interesting. It seems that there's a whole other side to this story: Janet's side.

'The more her thoughts continued, the more enraged they became until her face looked like that of a demon filled with hatred.'
I'm pretty sure what I think is going to happen is actually going to happen.
How's this for irony. This is the quote at the bottom of the page:
'People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right.'
— Albus Dumbledore
Creepy, right?

I can't tell you how excited I am to read the rest of this! Well done again!
~Holographic Ladybug
(This brings me to my fourth star! Whoo!)

hello, I'm back! You said Dirty Streets was your strongest work, right? haha, then I'll get to reading it after I finish this series. I guess we all have our own work we consider to be our favorite or best, think you can figure out which one mine is x_x This will be a quick review because I want to get to the other parts.

When I saw the description, my heart skipped a beat. You're trying to compete with Shakespeare and Ophelia when it comes to just how much you can torture characters. I can see just where this headed, and I'm hoping Michelle decides better. Janet seems like a terrible person, I mean, running over someone's kid and then suing them for distress is terrible, if not funny in a morbid, black comedy sort of way. But sending her to hell? I don't know about that. The last line does fall a little bit flat for me, like "Demon filled with hatred" just sounds kind of juvenile if you get it. The part about the send demons to hell thing is interesting, I've got to say that I don't watch much anime but you've intrigued me to check out this one in particular.

Like I said, short reviews for short parts! Moving on to five next ^^

Hey, I'm here again! Let's get down to business.

Suggestions;

And so the plot thickens.

Beginning with characters, Michelle is a relatable protagonist, with her hatred completely justified to the point of the reader slightly wanting her to have revenge. You capture that perfectly in how she loses all energy after her son's death, as well as how angry she becomes when the lawyer calls.

As for the (mini)plot, it's fine. I wonder why Michelle was looking through the magazine, or if it even mattered at all, but that's probably not important. One part I think you might be able to improve is the reading of the article; you might want to add Michelle's reactions to the article itself.

The whole story flows impressively from sentence to sentence, and the passive tone amplifies the crossroads decision that comes forth in the plot. The mood in this chapter is as changing as Michelle's mood, and it all fits together well with the plot.

Overall, it's an exciting read. It sets up enough plot to carry the reader over into the next chapter, and still gives them something to enjoy on the way there. So, I'll be on my way to the next part if you don't mind. Cheers!


-Chaser

Oh my; this can only end badly for Michelle. O_O

Well done, Songmorning! This story is amazing! I'm stunned at the way that you composed this wonderful story, not to mention introduce Jigoku Shoujo. Your chorus of emotions is exceptionally well-conceived, particularly Michelle's anger during the end of the story. Her rage is justifiable (when considering my powerful morals and desire for justice, which many other readers may share); she has just lost both of her sons, one directly because of the accident, and the other indirectly, and now the very woman who ran down her child is now suing for "emotional trauma." I enjoy the way that you make the reader side with her through your rousing story, and make the reader wonder if she really will pursue her hatred into Jigoku Tsuushin. Better yet, I like how well you conveyed her various emotions and plights through your words, such as "her face looked like that of a demon filled with hatred," and "she was exhausted from weeping." Your vivid descriptions quite clearly displayed Michelle's horrible situation, and the insult to injury that she faces. Nice job!

To be honest, there isn't much that I didn't like about the work. It has a wonderful plot, you did a nice job of talking about Jigoku Shoujo, and the story moves smoothly along. I would like to notify you that there appears to be a gap in the flow between the first and second paragraphs. It seemed like the transition from Michelle's weeping at her son's funeral to her sitting down and reading the magazine was a bit too sudden, and somewhat felt like I was being jolted from one plot point into another. Perhaps, as a suggestion, you could provide more details about Michelle's surroundings, or add some kind of a longer pause to suggest a switch in the setting.

Nonetheless, I loved the story! Your character development was exceptional, I loved how you so easily manipulated and swayed the emotions of your audience, and captivated me with this beautiful composition. Well done!