Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
People say that when you take a picture part of your soul is took away from your body.It was not true in my mind,but my best friend said it was.
One day I tried to take a picture of my best friend.Kelly.
She screeched "no!!!" and pulled the camra out of my hand.
But it was too late I took one she looked fine to me she looked up at me and said "what have you done? My name was Keely and I was affraid.
Me and Kelly were going from the beach to the groshrie store
to get a movie then go to my house. Because Kellys mom and dad were out of town.
Okay... well this is a rather odd structure for a story here. For starters it looks like we've got almost two separate scenes here, and they barely seem linked to each with the way that you've written things here. I don't know if perhaps this is meant to be one continuous scene or two totally separate ones threaded together by accident. You need to look into that a little closer.
Besides that situation, you do have a fairly intriguing premise here at least. For the first bit that is. That second scene feels a touch random. I feel that you could do a lot better if you perhaps consider releasing that second bit and focus entirely on the first little bit there because I think you can really develop that scene quite nicely here.
So I think perhaps you need to take a good long look at where exactly this is going and once you've decided where exactly you want to take it, focus a little deeper into showing us the character's emotions and building this up from beyond just the plain dialogue and bits of description we have here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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