z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Dinosaur Invasion: Chapter 5

by Dreamer84


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

“You’re hurting me! Let me go!” I screamed.

Ignoring my pleas my attacker kept running, pulling me hastily along. Twisting my body I tried to catch a glimpse of the assailant, already knowing it wasn’t the beast. The hands that held me were human. Or at least they felt that way. I didn’t feel the leathery skin I had seen on the beast. Also by the way he held my wrist I estimated that it was only about a head taller than me, whereas the beast was at least thirty feet tall. 

The more I tried to look, the harder it pulled me along. After about another ten minutes of running we finally started to slow down. My breath came out hard and raspy from all the exercise. When we came to a complete stop my assailant let go of my wrist. I pulled my arm away; angry at the way it had handled me. I looked over at it finally able to see it fully.

It had its hands on its knees, trying to catch its breath. After a second I realized I was looking at a boy. He couldn’t have been any older than fifteen, though he was big for his age. He was muscular and lean.

When he was done catching his breath he turned and spoke softly, “I think we lost it. No thanks to you.” His brows twisted down suddenly furious, “You know that was really stupid to stop running. If it hadn’t been for me you would be dead right now.”

I looked him over, only half listening as he spoke. His light brown hair was flying in the breeze. Sweat was glistening across his face from the run. His soft brown eyes shone with annoyance. I could see his chapped lips moving as he spoke. His strong jaw moving with each syllable.

He was shouting now. “Are you even listening to me? God, your more oblivious than I thought.” His arms were thrown into the air as he became more and more angry.

Suddenly focusing I said, “Who are you? Why the hell did you save me? Maybe I wanted to die, but I guess not now because you have to go around saving people!” By the time I was finished, I was overcome with anger.

Before I knew it he was up in my face, yelling, “Oh you’re going to be mad at me? I just saved your sorry ass! And who in their right mind would ever want to die? That’s crazy!”

Blinded by anger I turned around looking for something to use as a weapon against this crazy person. Not finding anything useful, I picked up a stick turning back to him.

Raising the stick like a bat I spoke, “I will not ask again. Who are you and why did you save me?” My body was shaking from the fear and adrenaline coursing its way through my body.

His arms flew up in the air frustrated, “You stupid girl! I saved you because I am tired of watching innocent people die. As for my name…its Guy.” His body trembled, his eyes shining with tears.

Calming, I couldn’t help but smile, “Guy? That’s seriously your name?”

He looked at me furious, “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?” He asked, yelling.

My smile faded as I looked at his face, the anger radiating off him in waves. “Nothing I just thought it was different that’s all.” I said quietly, adverting my gaze.

Still angry he spat, “Well do you think I like it? No, and I don’t need anyone to remind me either!”

We stood in silence, adverting each other’s gaze. In the silence I could hear all the sounds of nature. Birds sang as though it was the happiest day of their life. The beast roared, but quietly as if it were very far away. Water rushed against rock, as a stream flowed through the trees.

Guy spoke softly, his anger lessened, “What’s your name, I doubt it’s any better.”

I paused not sure if I should answer. He took my silence as a travesty and added, “Is it that bad? You can’t even say it? What is it something like: Sarah? Or Gertrude?”

I laughed at how ridiculous his suggestions were and answered, “No! My name is Stormy. Stormy River, but everyone just calls me Stormy.”

He smiled, “Stormy? That’s unique. What, do all your friends call you Storm, like that chick from X-Men with all the wicked weather power’s”

We were both laughing now, unable to contain it, “No it’s just Stormy. I never even thought of the X-Men thing, clever.”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
107 Reviews


Points: 333
Reviews: 107

Donate
Thu May 14, 2015 1:07 am
ChiravianSkies wrote a review...



Hello. I'm Maddie and I'll be reviewing your fine chapter today.
Sorry I couldn't get to it earlier.
So, I've just got some general nitpicks.

my attacker kept running
Attacker seems funny to use. Try something different. Kidnapper almost has the same feel to it.
"The beast was at least thirty feet tall." Holy crud that's a big dinosaur.
He couldn’t have been any older than fifteen, though he was big for his age. He was muscular and lean.
OOooohh. Love interest time, already? XD
God, your more oblivious than I thought.
Who the heck says Oblivious? Oh, and you should put "You're" in there.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
Hot dang, calm down. Sorry if these all seem like little comments, but I really think that one shouldn't be yelling when there's a big-A dino around.
And Kudos for the Xmen reference. It adds a little sense of what people might really think. But I really don't think they'd talk about it in *this* dire time. You know what I mean?
Also ,you're doing really well with the spelling, proofreading, and things like that. I like Stormy a lot but I can't get a grasp on how she actually looks. Try adding a bit of description in there. Like black locks flying in her face as she runs or something. Otherwise it almost seems like something the Oatmeal calls Bella Swan because she has no physical description and a girl could just pretend that she's her... Pants.
That's really all I wanted to say for this chapter. Tell me when the next one is out. I'll be waiting. So for future reference, your dialogue is great, but now you need to get that description harnessed. :)
Keep writing!
Maddie out




User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 280
Reviews: 5

Donate
Mon May 04, 2015 9:12 pm



Sarah isnt that bad a name.

I liked the pause where we could hear the river. It was a nice beat in the story.

I agree with Kevin, that they should keep there voices down. Perhaps hushing one another would add to the humor. I got the feeling you enjoyed writing this! I'll deffintley read the next chapter!




User avatar
216 Reviews


Points: 10184
Reviews: 216

Donate
Mon Apr 27, 2015 9:59 am
kevin25a wrote a review...



X men references, good job, it was... clever.

Would have been funny if you made a character name Gertrude just for that chapter, even if you changed it later. Not to be rude to people who actually HAVE that name, but it's something you'd almost never heard beyond the dark ages.

Guy being a muscular teenager about 15 makes me think of the naruto character then imagine Rock Lee.

This chapter was really good but I think yelling and being loud would have been enough to attract larger dinosaurs easily. Thirty feet and a carnevore sounds like a t rex, or spineasaurus. I'm with the other review a few chapters back, hoping its not another overused t rex cliche, go for spinasaurus if anything, little bit smaller, and from two different era's I believe but spinesaurus was twice as deadly and vicious. And being slightly smaller by maybe ten feet give or take, it could hunt through small forests easier. Not to mention unlike a t rex, spinesaurus is more intelligent and able to use it's arms which had huge claws that grew to around 3 to 5 feet. It would be slower following prey into a forest, but unlike a t rex which would be to big for a mordern day forest, spinesaurus is just barely small enough it still could. :)

If you didn't say thirty feet, and instead said six feet you could have used raptors, but they don't typically hunt in ones. Raptors were one of the most intelligent dinosaurs, and almost always hunted in packs similar to how wolves do.




Dreamer84 says...


Well I was going for a lone wolf kinda dinosaur, I had a dinosaur in mind, a Ceratosaurus. But I'm not entirely sure yet. Stay tuned and find out :) Thanks for the review :)




Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— -Apple Inc.