Young Writers Society

Hi, I'll get straight to the point.

I disagree with the comments below that state "mad" and "sad" are not effective words to describe feelings. You don't have to use fancy, pretty adjectives to deliver a point because it could distract the readers from getting the point. I mean think about it, not everyone reading this is going to have an A grade vocabulary, so imagine you used the words woebegone and indignant instead? Rather than taking on the point of your poem, many would be left wasting brain power wondering what the hell those words meant!

Sorry for sounding aggressive, I just hate it when people bag simple direct words and say that they are plain. Also, you are twelve years old. That's what your profile says anyway, so I think we should all be a little lenient here.

I commend you on writing this anyway because you raise some pretty difficult questions, the average twelve year old might not be able to wrap his/her head around. It's true that religion has I daresay polluted this world, and you state that simply (simple is not a bad thing) therefore getting to the point without having to use unnecessarily flowery language.

Good job

Heyheyhey, poems are awesome to review in my opinion ^___^

So, I love the over all concept of this poem, how belief is portrayed and all. It really latches on to you and we can all relate really. I once believed in fairies and trolls and all those magical things, it reminds me of childhood. Only then does it shift towards 'belief' as in religious belief and really we can all relate to that as well. -insert more of my blabbering here-

As Lydia stated, mad and sad aren't descriptive words I would use in a poem. Maybe use 'angered, frustrated, furious, despair, grief etc.' I think it'll brighten your poem up just a bit.

Nice little poem you made, keep writing!

Hey Tay01,

I like the overall theme of the poem, and you do a good job of making it clear.

Typically, I recommend avoiding the word "just." It tends to be useless in that it doesn't add much to the sentence and is unnecessary.

The last few lines, "Now they are mad/Just because of belief/I am sad," could be improved. "Mad" and "sad" aren't very descriptive words.

In the fourth line, you say "brings" but it is unclear what is doing the brining (a.k.a. what the subject is). What is it that brings no proof to the speaker?

Also, I think the word "fart" doesn't really fit the tone of the poem.

Overall, good job!

-Lydia

Hi there, Tay01! I noticed that you've been giving a lot of helpful reviews lately, so I decided to drop in and give you one!

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

Clearly, the theme of this poem is that religious people cause problems in the world because they take their beliefs too far. Good job on having a clear and direct theme.

However, this poem doesn't go anywhere, or say much more than what the theme is. You repeat yourself throughout the entire poem with different words. If I took out all unneeded lines, your poem would look like this:

They say what they do not know,
Just because of belief,
People fight,
I am sad.