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The Dead Body Infront Of Me

by MarGeo


I had never seen a dead body before, except for on tv. It being someone I knew made it even more terrifying than imagined. Not that I had day dreams about seeing dead bodies, of course. What scared me the most was it looked just like it was alive. They looked like they were sleeping, except I knew. I knew the person's soul and mind was no longer inhabiting that body, it was just a shell. An empty shell that once held a life not less than an hour ago. Less than an hour ago this body had a soul, it had smiled, it has cried, it had laughed,and had gone to bed. There was a smudge of dirt on the cheek. I took my thumb and went to wipe it off, but my thumb went right through it. The beams of light were now impairing my vision. I took one last look at the body that used to belong to me, and walked into what I was hoping to be the paradise I was promised.


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Tue May 04, 2021 11:38 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this is quite a bit shorter than I thought it was going to be...I was just browsing the area looking for interesting titles and though this sounded like it could contain some stuff...but umm...well...this is a bit more than I was expecting to run into here...oh well...

Anyway let's get right to it,

I had never seen a dead body before, except for on tv. It being someone I knew made it even more terrifying than imagined. Not that I had day dreams about seeing dead bodies, of course. What scared me the most was it looked just like it was alive. They looked like they were sleeping, except I knew. I knew the person's soul and mind was no longer inhabiting that body, it was just a shell. An empty shell that once held a life not less than an hour ago. Less than an hour ago this body had a soul, it had smiled, it has cried, it had laughed,and had gone to bed. There was a smudge of dirt on the cheek. I took my thumb and went to wipe it off, but my thumb went right through it. The beams of light were now impairing my vision. I took one last look at the body that used to belong to me, and walked into what I was hoping to be the paradise I was promised.


Gotta say I didn't predict that twist there at all...the protagonist staring at their own dead body....well that is adding a whole new dimension to this here story and I am all for it. Its a fun like sentimental look there in the first few lines and then you realize this person is reminiscing about their own life which gives the whole thing a very interesting and very dark twist...well at any rate, it was a fascinating read.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall...well it was a really interesting concept at the least..aaaand yeah..not too much else to say about this really. Its such a short piece. Anyways...until next time. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Thu Jan 22, 2015 1:21 am
Corncob says...



Fanbloodytastic.




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Sun Nov 09, 2014 4:19 pm
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LittleWerewolfOven wrote a review...



First off, I really love this short story. I especially loved the last line. It was a good ending to the passage.
I only have a couple of things to critique:
"Not that I had day dreams about seeing dead bodies of course."
I know what you were trying to say there, but I had to read it a couple of times to understand the point you were trying to make. I don't think it is necessary for the story.

"...it had smiled, it has cried, it had laughed, and had gone to bed."
"Has" should be made into had.
Also, "and had gone to bed," doesn't exactly fit into that sentence. You were saying things the person had done before they had died, and those actions dealt with emotions. Such as "cried" and "laughed." "gone to bed," was not an action that dealt with the persons emotions.

Hopefully you got the point I was trying to make.
Keep up the good work. I really loved the whole idea of this story. :)




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Thu Nov 06, 2014 11:05 am
Purnima wrote a review...



Hello there!

This was a really interesting passage. I like how you haven't given any indicator as to what's actually happening until the very end. The last line was really beautiful.

So, since this person was looking at his/her own dead body, I would expect there to be stronger emotions felt. You've done a good job at describing the scene and the essence of the current reality but there could have been a few more details to make it more powerful. I mean, yeah, a dead body basically means that the soul isn't inhabiting it anymore and the person had had a life before that. But what did his/her life consist of? What happened in those last moments? How did the person die? Why was there a smudge of dirt? Some details that could indicate towards the answers to those questions would have made this well-rounded.

Also, in the narrative, you've written "It being someone I knew made it even more terrifying than imagined." You're saying it was terrifying. But that terror doesn't really come out in the narrative. It's as though the person feels nothing while looking upon the body and is just stating facts which are common to all dead people, save for the last line. If you could linger a bit more on each part of this passage and express the emotions behind each line, this would be brilliant.

Overall, this was nice, and a good effort. I like the concept and I absolutely loved the ending. I hope this review helps and I look forward to reading more of your works.

Good luck and keep writing!




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Thu Nov 06, 2014 7:34 am
Darkbunneh13 wrote a review...



Wow. Well, that was a pretty cool paragraph. I have a few questions, though; how did the person die? Why is there dirt on their face? Who are they? Is it a boy, girl? Where are they? is there anybody else around? Was their death accidental?

I mean, if this is a short story, (a very short story, it seems) there should be a few details here and there, rather than thoughts. Whilst it is a pretty cool personality-related "whoa, I'm dead," kind of thing, I think that with a little bit of effort, this could become something super-duper totally awesome! ^_^

But, regardless of my critiquing, I have one last thing to say:
I hope they found the paradise they were looking for.

(Have a nice day!) ^_^




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Tue Nov 04, 2014 8:50 am
maishaywca says...



What a story!! Great!!




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Mon Nov 03, 2014 6:53 pm
RandomCollumns wrote a review...



This really played a trick on my mind and was really clever; well done. Just a few mistakes though: "I took one last look at the body that use(d) to belong to me" because it's in the past tense, and " about seeing dead bodies, of course." Just one spelling mistake. And I would have liked to know what was going on around you, what were you feeling, what were you thinking? I would have also liked to see some more punctuation, and what was in that one paragraph could have been in a few.
Hope this helps,
Random Columns




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Mon Nov 03, 2014 6:39 pm
azizaanjum01 says...



The story really has awesome themes and a good use terms and language. i shared it with my friends anf family. everyone like it ! keep up the good workI really loved the writing and the suspense it created
Excellently written ! I loved it !
If possible please review my poetry "TO DAD". Thank you !!!!

I really loved the writing and the suspense it created..despite being short it has a proper usage of terms and words keep up your good work
If possible please review my poetry "TO DAD". Thank you !!!!

I really loved the writing and the suspense it created..despite being short it has a proper usage of terms and words keep up your good work
If possible please review my poetry "TO DAD". Thank you !!!!




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Mon Nov 03, 2014 6:37 pm
azizaanjum01 says...



I really loved the writing and the suspense it created..despite being short it has a proper usage of terms and words keep up your good work
If possible please review my poetry "TO DAD". Thank you !!!!





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