Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Realistic

E - Everyone

Reality School Mornings

by erilea


On any normal school day, this is how it goes for Melanie Jackson.

She wakes up at 6:45-6:50, mostly. It doesn't really mean much sleep for her; she wished she would get more sleeping time. But, at the beginning of the school year, she vowed to get up earlier than 7:00. 7:00 just wouldn't do for her.

Melanie then pushes the sleep out of her body. Mostly by stretching, but sometimes by blinking or just sitting on her bed to wake up a little. It does take a while for her to get up.

She dresses. She tries as hard as she can to look nice-sloppy isn't good enough for her perfectionist mind. Always some type of cute outfit that's based off of the weather. She searches up the weather forecast before she sleeps so she can choose the best clothing.

She brushes her teeth. She knows Americans do it differently. She's heard from her sister. But, as a Chinese person, what's the point of taking a shower every day or brushing her teeth after she eats? No offense to you Americans, she thinks, but totally unnecessary. She also applies toothpaste to her sister's toothbrush and fills up her sister's cup. Her sister doesn't have enough time and enough motivation to do it herself.

Melanie heads downstairs to take off her contacts and do all that stuff you do. After taking out her contacts without much trouble, she skips to the kitchen and thinks about what she has to do. Then, she is a whirlwind of activity. Filling up her water bottle, packing her bookbag, putting on her socks. Melanie's breakfast is now ready. When she's done eating a short breakfast, she hurriedly grabs her backpack, puts on her shoes, and heads out the door.

She shoots out of the door. She's always desperate to get out of the house by 7:15. Then, she's in the car with her dad driving her to school. Her school, Oak Point Elementary, is farther away from her house then she can walk.

At school, Melanie hopes she's on time. She's almost never tardy. At school, she knows it's time to start a brand-new day. Happily.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1459 Reviews


Points: 163320
Reviews: 1459

Donate
Thu May 06, 2021 11:37 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well..this was a lovely little summary of a typical daily routine, I was kind of expecting a little bit more a twist down the line but you know, what I still really like this...a nice and very simple little story here and its got a really sweet ending there too...which I always love.

Anyway let's get right to it,

On any normal school day, this is how it goes for Melanie Jackson.

She wakes up at 6:45-6:50, mostly. It doesn't really mean much sleep for her; she wished she would get more sleeping time. But, at the beginning of the school year, she vowed to get up earlier than 7:00. 7:00 just wouldn't do for her.


Okay...normal enough start there but then the use of that little sentence there at the start suggesting we will be learning about something potentially not normal about what's going to happen in the story is a nice little bit of mystery to get our attention here as readers. That's a nice little start so far.

Melanie then pushes the sleep out of her body. Mostly by stretching, but sometimes by blinking or just sitting on her bed to wake up a little. It does take a while for her to get up.

She dresses. She tries as hard as she can to look nice-sloppy isn't good enough for her perfectionist mind. Always some type of cute outfit that's based off of the weather. She searches up the weather forecast before she sleeps so she can choose the best clothing.


Okay...that's also nice and normal so far...we've definitely got a decent glimpse at the kind of person she is from what we've seen so far. Its gone really well here overall and I think this is shaping up to be a nice little story at the moment.

She brushes her teeth. She knows Americans do it differently. She's heard from her sister. But, as a Chinese person, what's the point of taking a shower every day or brushing her teeth after she eats? No offense to you Americans, she thinks, but totally unnecessary. She also applies toothpaste to her sister's toothbrush and fills up her sister's cup. Her sister doesn't have enough time and enough motivation to do it herself.


Well...hygiene...is complicated...I'm going to leave it at that....yeah....that's the best option here.

Melanie heads downstairs to take off her contacts and do all that stuff you do. After taking out her contacts without much trouble, she skips to the kitchen and thinks about what she has to do. Then, she is a whirlwind of activity. Filling up her water bottle, packing her bookbag, putting on her socks. Melanie's breakfast is now ready. When she's done eating a short breakfast, she hurriedly grabs her backpack, puts on her shoes, and heads out the door.

She shoots out of the door. She's always desperate to get out of the house by 7:15. Then, she's in the car with her dad driving her to school. Her school, Oak Point Elementary, is farther away from her house then she can walk.


Okay...well...that's quite fun...getting through all of that normally enough and then making it to school on time is always nice...although I am now starting to think that maybe this story has no twist and I was fooled by the first paragraph.

At school, Melanie hopes she's on time. She's almost never tardy. At school, she knows it's time to start a brand-new day. Happily.


Aww...well despite the fact that I'm disappointed to see there is no special twist here, I do love that ending, happily is absolutely the best way to start a brand new day. That's a sweet little ending there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall...this was a nice and simple little story and it was nice spending a few minutes here reading something not as depressing for a change. Aaand that's about all I've gotta say here. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
401 Reviews


Points: 1658
Reviews: 401

Donate
Tue Oct 28, 2014 1:30 pm
View Likes
ThereseCricket wrote a review...



Hi! Cricket here for a review!

I don't believe I've reviewed for you, for a while, so I could't resist taking a peek at this work of yours. :D Since this is a shorter piece, this just might a shorter review. But we'll see I guess.

Firstly, I think I like the name that you have here. Melanie Watson is such a purty name and it seems to roll right off my tongue, and I don't actually think I've heard the two couple together. I would advise though against Watson. Bleh, your choice, but it seems like that is a pretty popular name for a character in a book/movie.

What to say on this character... Like you mentioned in this, she is definitely a perfectionist, and has some serious motivation. If she shows at such a young age this type of motivation, then I'd love to see what she can actually accomplish as she grows older. One thing I was wondering. Did she just recently move to America or something? From the way that this girl is talking, I'd think she's British. But what I can't understand is this. If she is in England then why on earth is she thinking about how the Americans do it? Why not any other nationality? All this though, would be completely cleared up if you told us the country. I'd understand then, I think. :D

One thing about this time thing, that everyone else seems to be mentioning. I can totally see a girl like that being able to be ready in such a short amount of time, but I don't really know why she has to be out of the house by 7:15. I know that she wants to be and all that, but when does school usually start? I have never gone to a public school so I am really not familiar with the time schedules and all that, so please forgive me when I don't know these things about the system. :D

Melanie then extinguishes the sleep out of her body.


Extinguishes, eh? I'm not sure I like that word used in this circumstance. Why not just use worked?

. She tries as hard as she can to look nice--sloppy isn't good enough for her perfectionist mind.


Here I see that you're trying to use the m-dash. But it wasn't done correctly, I think. I don't know which program you use to write with, but at least with Word (which is the one that I use) you write it out like you have it here, but after the word sloppy you would hit the space button directly afterwards. Make sense? The m-dash is supposed to be one single unbroken line, not two, like you have right here.

She searches up the weather forecast before she sleeps every night so she can choose the best clothing.


Here I got the impression that a little word order was messed up on. Maybe you can do it like this: She searches up the weather forecast every night before she sleeps, so that she can choose the best clothing.

No offense to you Americans, she thinks, but totally unnecessary.


When doing the thought process, you generally have it in italics. That way it sticks out more, and also your readers will pay more attention to it. If you get what I mean. It's always best to put in italics, is what I'm saying.

Melanie heads downstairs to take off her contacts and do all that stuff you do


Since I believe you're talking about those type of lenses that you put directly on your eye, I would think that you'd need a possessive pro-noun right before it.

Well that's really all for nitpicks for this piece I think. Like I said earlier, this is a short piece and one that I don't think I can really relate to that much. Sorry, but I've never actually attended a public school, so I have basically no idea how they work in any way, shape, or form. But I can see a girl getting ready in around 15 minutes. xD It is faster than most, but totally realistic in my eyes.

Alright, I think that's it from me! Great work, wisegirl!

Keep writing!

~Cricket




erilea says...


Thank you for reviewing! I will definitely consider your nitpicks.



Random avatar

Points: 175
Reviews: 17

Donate
Tue Oct 28, 2014 2:46 am
Kingofnate says...



7:15 for an elementary schooler? That's a bit harsh. If you were looking to do a dramatic and screwed up piece, then mission accomplishes.

I don't know if I appreciate your twisted style. Making an adult wake up at 7:15 is already horrible, but I think I could be able to accept it. But... Children? That's pushing it. I never knew anyone's mind could be so dark and wicked!



Random avatar
Kingofnate says...


Accomplished*
:/



erilea says...


Is this an insult or a comment? >:|


Random avatar
Kingofnate says...


If you strive to disgust people through your writing, then it's a compliment in the form of a comment.



Zhia says...


... Wha?? I had to wake up at 7:00 as an Elementary Schooler, and now I have to wake up at 6:00.

Plus, this place isn't somewhere to just criticize people. 7:15 is easy, and making a child wake up at that time is NORMAL where I live. It might be normal where wisegirl lives too. Think about what you say. You have the WRONG IDEA if you think that waking up at that time is TWISTED, DARK, and WRONG. Stop being rude.



erilea says...


Low, Kingofnate. Just low...


Random avatar
Kingofnate says...


Says the one who writes about young children waking up at 7:15. I am not sure I can imagine a life more horrible for just a young girl.



erilea says...


You know what? Forget this. Go somewhere else. Please don't insult my works. I think they're good.


Random avatar
Kingofnate says...


Heyheyhey. I'm really sorry, I was kidding about that. I know its hard to tell when people are kidding over comments and stuff. And at times my sense of humor can be a little harsh. Its a great story, I just thought your story was very cheerful, so I was just pretending it was one of those really screwed up story. Please don't be mad... I have only been on YWS like two weeks and I already pissed someone off.



erilea says...


Oh, it's fine now.


Random avatar
Kingofnate says...


Yay



erilea says...


;) Just don't do it again. I can get a little angry.



User avatar
285 Reviews


Points: 237
Reviews: 285

Donate
Mon Oct 27, 2014 1:45 am
GreenTulip wrote a review...



Hi, Tulip here to five you a review. And I will say sorry about spelling mistakes I am on my phone which isn't the best thing out there...

So once I started reading this story, I believes this was a high school student, not an elementary student. Unless in other countries they do it differently. I just want to sy that you did a good job with not say g the actual age.

Now for someone, especially a girl (and yes j am a girl so I will know) to be ready within half an hour. This is what really surprised me the most in this story. She managed to dress eat, pack for school, brush her teeth and get her sister ready for school and take time to wake up all within half an hour. That is impressive in itself.

As for nitpocks, I didnt are anything there but I have one comment. Claridy your ideas better. They are sloppy, and sometimes it takes reading it over more the once to understand the shift.

And that is all i have for you today.




Astronaut says...


I get ready in half an hour, @Sylar usually does in 10 minutes, or at least she tells me so.



erilea says...


Wow, Sylar must be pretty fast. I usually feel like getting ready is the worst thing ever for a day.




Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything's different?
— C.S. Lewis