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Poison of the Heart

by Angels-Symphony


I feel it each time I breathe. Air flows in and out, but the normal smoothness and fluidity of the act has fled, replaced instead by the asphyxiating sensation of water being forced down my throat.

I know what it’s like to drown, to shamelessly gasp for air that will never come. I stared up through the clear blue water and tried to break the surface of the pool with my head, but the water pushed me down and seized a selfish grip on me in the deepest chambers of its heart.

In my own heart I’ve sensed a poison. I swallowed it silently through gritted teeth and a gorgeous smile. Though I shook, I held myself and managed to let it sit, let it spread. Now, when I try to stand up tall I feel it slowly weighing me down. I am sinking from within. The effect is almost imperceptible.

The best way to lie is with a smile. That way, when I look in the mirror I can almost believe it too. But something is crumbling beneath the surface. I see sharp teeth and jagged edges, porous skin and puffy eyes. This can’t be my reflection. This is not who I want to be.

A parasite is feeding off of my soul. The effect is almost imperceptible.

How can I be free when my body is its own kind of prison? Liberate me from myself! From the treacherous caverns of my mind plagued with the diseases of resentment and doubt. The longer I dwell on my thoughts, the deeper into the darkness I descend. It can’t be much longer until it swallows me whole, just like the water.

Suffocating from the polluted comfort of his love is almost art. Words drip from his lips like loose saliva devoid of meaning. Still, I swallow it. Swallow it along with the other feigned kisses and embraces and sticky ejaculations of sentiment because they are all I will ever get.

How can I love him when the girl in his locket is not me?

How can I love with a poisoned heart?


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Sat May 08, 2021 5:54 pm
LizzAndTheNifflers wrote a review...



Hello, I'm quite new and definitely not a professional at writing reviews but this short story intrigued me so much that I felt like I simply needed to discuss it.

Each sentence seems to carry a lot of raw emotion which, as a reader, really helped me understand the themes and ideas used. The surprising ending was very satisfying since it wrapped up everything smoothly and it added context to the metaphors in the beginning. Also the vocabulary used here is quite frankly amazing, just by glancing at the writing you can tell that the author is a well-read person

The only actual con I can think of about this story is that it could have perhaps had a bit more explanations as to why she is feeling the way she was feeling. Though the last paragraph gives some clues, no matter how many times I re-read it I can't really know for sure if it's the other character that makes the main character have these emotions or if she just feels bad for loving him while she is in a bad state of mind.

Overall, I think that this is a fantastic piece of literature!




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Sat May 08, 2021 5:27 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite a story there...oh dear...definitely shows a very bad set of side effects from being in a truly terrible situation. More details below...let's see what details I can find here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I feel it each time I breathe. Air flows in and out, but the normal smoothness and fluidity of the act has fled, replaced instead by the asphyxiating sensation of water being forced down my throat.


Well...that's a terrible situation to be in...quite an intense start right there...well...it definitely does the job of getting one's attention...that's for sure...let's see what this story has in store for us...

I know what it’s like to drown, to shamelessly gasp for air that will never come. I stared up through the clear blue water and tried to break the surface of the pool with my head, but the water pushed me down and seized a selfish grip on me in the deepest chambers of its heart.


Oh dear...well...those waters definitely seem very metaphorical in nature...and very much representing some sort of large negative in our protagonist's life that's pulling them down...doesn't sound like this is gonna be good.

In my own heart I’ve sensed a poison. I swallowed it silently through gritted teeth and a gorgeous smile. Though I shook, I held myself and managed to let it sit, let it spread. Now, when I try to stand up tall I feel it slowly weighing me down. I am sinking from within. The effect is almost imperceptible.


Yup there we go...there's the poison and the damage here that's showing through..well..at any rate...this is not sounding good...also a terrible idea to hide behind a smile like that...this is definitely headed towards some terrible moments here.

The best way to lie is with a smile. That way, when I look in the mirror I can almost believe it too. But something is crumbling beneath the surface. I see sharp teeth and jagged edges, porous skin and puffy eyes. This can’t be my reflection. This is not who I want to be.

A parasite is feeding off of my soul. The effect is almost imperceptible.


Hiding away issues behind a smile and trying to just will them to go away does tend to do that to ya...well...this one is experiencing all of that very much in real life here...big oof indeed that one.

How can I be free when my body is its own kind of prison? Liberate me from myself! From the treacherous caverns of my mind plagued with the diseases of resentment and doubt. The longer I dwell on my thoughts, the deeper into the darkness I descend. It can’t be much longer until it swallows me whole, just like the water.


Well...that's not particularly hopeful for the future...oh dear.

Suffocating from the polluted comfort of his love is almost art. Words drip from his lips like loose saliva devoid of meaning. Still, I swallow it. Swallow it along with the other feigned kisses and embraces and sticky ejaculations of sentiment because they are all I will ever get.

How can I love him when the girl in his locket is not me?

How can I love with a poisoned heart?


Well...that's definitely a truly just...abominable situation and well...I think that's a fitting ending too...ending on a question there rather than any sort of certainty. Well...that's that.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was quite a neat little story here. You've definitely done a wonderful job here capturing these emotions terrible as they are. Well anyway, that's all I've gotta say for now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Oct 17, 2014 3:41 pm



Hold on I read it again and I think that you almost jump into the next scene; you should use more transitions to make it run more smoothly.

I know you are trying for leaving the subject mysterious, but I think you should try to clear it up just a little bit.

As I said before, your grammar is pretty good and you definitely have the imagery down; just clean it up a bit and this should be tremendous!!!

Keep writing!
~liveandbreathewords~




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39 Reviews


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Fri Oct 17, 2014 3:40 pm
liveandbreathewords wrote a review...



Hold on I read it again and I think that you almost jump into the next scene; you should use more transitions to make it run more smoothly.

I know you are trying for leaving the subject mysterious, but I think you should try to clear it up just a little bit.

As I said before, your grammar is pretty good and you definitely have the imagery down; just clean it up a bit and this should be tremendous!!!

Keep writing!
~liveandbreathewords~




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Fri Oct 17, 2014 3:34 pm



Wow. That was incredible. I don't even think I can find anything to correct; this was so beautiful and your writing is amazing.

I can't wait to read more!




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Wed Oct 15, 2014 7:47 pm
MyaThiemeTjon says...



The vocab. you used was very efficient and well thought off, even though some were a bit inappropriate. Further on i really enjoyed reading this story and the ending was strong.

Well done! :)




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Wed Oct 15, 2014 7:46 pm
MyaThiemeTjon says...



The vocab. you used was very efficient and well thought off, even though some were a bit inappropriate. Further on i really enjoyed reading this story and the ending was strong.

Well done! :)




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Wed Oct 15, 2014 5:21 pm
Yzzrubs says...



I love all the techniques you use and i think the ending is really deep x




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Wed Oct 15, 2014 4:57 pm
Forced2 says...



I really wasn't expecting that ending, it totally changed my idea about the story... don't really understand it though.

I admit it is pretty good,good description and good story writing skills




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Tue Oct 14, 2014 10:46 pm
almurs13 wrote a review...



I have to say that I definately wasn't expecting the ending, but it's perfect. I am awestruck by your use of vocabulary and the way you really get the feelings get to the reader; I can sense the drowing and I feel despair when I read it.
It's an amazing piece, grabbing in the beginning and surprising at the end.
This would be a VERY great start to a story or a prologue.
There are no flaws.
Love it.




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Tue Oct 14, 2014 6:11 pm
ajruby12 wrote a review...



Hey! AJ here to review.

Wow... This really blew me away. The amount of pain weaved into those sentences really is moving. Beautiful too. But still, I'm here to review it, so here goes!


I feel like this whole piece could use something more. I'm not exactly sure what but it just seems to be missing a couple pieces. Maybe a little more of a foundation for where the poison is coming from, what it is, etc.

"Words drip from his lips like loose saliva devoid of meaning"
Using saliva for the imagery kind of drew me away from the idea. Perhaps use a different word?

"The effect is almost imperceptible."
You repeat that two times in the text. Is that on purpose? If so, you might consider putting a little more repetitional phrases, instead of just the one.

Overall, this was a beautifully done piece and I hope to see more like it in the future! Keep on writing!

-ajruby12





Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
— Søren Kierkegaard