Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Well....this is quite an interesting little prologue that you've got here....that much is quite certain....there's definitely some very interesting thinks about throughout this here story...well...more details down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Life is full of surprises, we spend so much time planning for the present and the future in hopes to make a better and brighter outcome for ourselves. We live our lives through the lenses of ignorance day after day, never once thinking or believing that anything could go wrong. That everything in our world is perfect, flawless… huh… I have to say that we are definitely a species who have chosen to live blindly and every time we do, we suffer the consequences. I should know better than anyone, what it’s like to lose everything… to have your entire life flipped upside down without warning… to be striped of every ounce of hope, and at the same time trying to keep myself from falling off the edge. Truth is my mind, body, and soul cannot go any further… my time here has come to an end. The remembrance of me, my family and the once brightly lit home full of joy and laughter will be short lived in the hearts and minds of others and then soon everything will go back to normal. People will carry on with their lives, their jobs, etc. and the dead will be forgotten no one will blink an eye, or miss a beat before they remember the deceased.

So why is it so hard, all I have to do is close my eyes… think of a happy place, then put the weapon to my head and simply let go of the trigger. I don’t understand… why am I still here? What am I waiting for? I took a deep breath slowly inhaling and exhaling, I began counting to ten when suddenly the ground beneath my feet started to quake and my beloved family portraits started falling from the walls. The ceiling above me began to quickly tremor almost on the verge of collapse. I turned around to get a good look of what was taking place outside, but before I was given the chance… death had finally took hold of me in the shape and form of massively huge waves of water crashing and tearing apart every house before it eventually, swept mine away… Do you think you could ever forgive me for killing you?

the first thing i can say about this text is that it is short but it really makes the reader feel the thing that the writer feels.i mean something like sympathy...
you can really feel desperate and sorrow and hopelessness in this text.
it is short but it is pure.it is actually pure sorrow, i think.

Hey Tina!

I'll start off with a nice, warm welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy yourself here.

This is a fairly short piece and I'm just doing a quick comment on it. The thing is, I don't see how this is a prologue. In fact, I see a lot of that lately. At this points I'm reading prologue which are only prologues for the sake of including a prologue.

Very rarely do I feel the need for a prologue, and this doesn't read much like a prologue to me. This has good character insight, sure. There's nothing here that you couldn't have told me through a regular chapter though.

In my mind, a prologue could be viable if you're introducing elements of the story which wouldn't come naturally up in regular chapters. Perhaps it's a piece of history or something which your character wouldn't be around for and you couldn't address through them.

Aside from that, this is a well written work. You narrate what you write pretty well, have a good vocabulary and use a lot of nice imagery.

Lastly, a few things I took note of:

Edit

to be stripped of every ounce of hope,

and the dead will be forgotten. No one will blink an eye, or miss a beat before they remember the deceased.

death had finally taken hold of me in the shape and form

Ooooohhhhh, I must say I very much like where this is going! On one hand, I don't think the prologue is very good at making us care about this character, because we never really get a feel for him/her, we just see what they are currently thinking, but from another standpoint, it really helps to set up the character and his thoughts before his death. The only question is whether or not this character will matter in the long run.
Still, you're sentences flow well, and the first paragraph is very good as an almost poetic little piece about the inevitability of death.
You have a good thing going here, I'm excited to see how it turns out!

Hey there! You got a good, little prologue here that really drew my attention! This was written pretty harshly and rawly, but I liked it. I like how your sentences were nice and long, not short and choppy. You already have me feeling sympathetic to the main character, but I do hope you give a better explanation of what happened to their family. It was kind of confusing as the reader doesn't really know what terrible event had occurred. I didn't see too many errors, but you should put in more commas. In addition, instead of the "..." can you put in commas, colons, or semi-colons, please? Thank you. This was really good, and I hope you make a new chapter soon, but don't waste 500 points just for me! Thanks so much for writing this, and have a great day!
Love,
Perks