Young Writers Society

Hi Adam.

I'm here to review! So I'm guessing this poem is about how absurd the system is; how no matter what we do, we seem to have no real free will, as in, we belong to our duties and social responsabilities. I like your poem, it sounds very lyrical and that makes it easy to read and pay attention to the message you're sharing. But there's this specific line at the beginning that bothers me a bit because it gives a bad impression of your poem and I feel it's a little bit left out.

when everyone wants you dead?

Hey there, mastergrieves.

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

If you're going to use a rhyme scheme in this poem, I suggest you make it consistent. There is an odd, off beat feeling in several of the stanzas, and I'm not a fan. I don't really like rhyming poetry in general, and if I were you, I'd take out the rhyme scheme altogether.

Who is They? I use the capital They because a lot of people use it in their work. However, that doesn't make it a good thing. When there's nothing to connect "they" to, it becomes a poem that is completely focused on the character saying "poor me, poor me." I don't want to listen to someone complaining in a poem. I want to get a new idea out of a poem, or a new way to look at an old idea. To me, the "you" in the poem is trapped, and there's no movement in the poem. At least make something happen. Don't let "you" complain (through the narrator's voice) about how terrible life is. Make them do something about being trapped.

This must be about the government. Why don't you just say it? Poetry shouldn't be written with the intention of the reader connecting to it. Use specifics.

Make sure you're not being repetitive unconsciously. "get your life back" is repeated several times, and you shouldn't use the same phrase twice unless it's a pattern in the poem that you've previously established.

I do appreciate that you're speaking out against the system. It's just the execution that needs a bit of work.

I hope that this review proves useful to you! Keep writing, and have a great day!

nor a room of your own,

have to share it, have to share it

with the neighbours next door.


That's the only place you repeat a line and because you only do it once, it sticks out a bit. I would either change that line or incorporate more into the poem! Either way, nice work.