Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite a story this one...definitely not the kind of thing that you tend to run into everyday but I did really like it...especially that ending was definitely really uplifting and just nice to read in general.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Have you ever looked in the mirror and seen a horrifically huge you staring back? That's what I saw every day. I saw each leg as a foot wide, I saw big crinkles on my belly made for fat. My weight had put enough pressure on my feet to make them spread- spread to men's nine-and-a-half wide's to be exact. And with the pressure on my feet, came the pressure to lose weight. The day I gained three pounds I'll bet I actually stayed the same, just had to be weighed after I cried, and if necessary, after I had cried some more. Just the other day I cried in health class, just because we were looking at people who were doing what I had contemplated doing so many times- starving themselves to the point where you could see almost every bone in their skeleton.

]And then we went thrift store shopping.

We were all at the thrift store, and my father had basically said "go nuts". I picked up two fairly pretty dresses that fit just enough that they flattered my large frame. Then I went looking in the shoe section, looking for (in what I thought was vain) a pair of women's dress shoes that fit. I didn't find any, but I found two pairs of cowboy boots. One had rattlesnake skin around them, but they wouldn't have gone with anything I owned, and I don't really like yellow, so I returned them to their shelf. Then I pulled down the other pair, these ones were black leather. Some patterns were sewn into the sides, and the tops were a little worn, but wonder of wonders- they fit. I added them to my shopping cart, and met my father at the register.

The next day, I wore them everywhere. Suddenly, it seemed as if my legs had halved their size, and I was slender as anyone else in my class. I didn't care that the arches were too high, as long as I didn't see myself that way anymore, wear my feet away for all I care. I no longer thought about suicide, which I had contemplated several times before, but not wanting to hurt anyone else had decided against it. I realized that my thickness, like that whole center of my mind devoted to moping over my fat, was an illusion. I don't care anymore! I don't!

hi.
the picture is a great way to make the mind map of the readers.the story is simple, just like a page of a diary.but it is a good simple.which is narrating a problem and a solution for it.the story has a clear start and an end.it has an aim that the reader follows.the story is honest and does not try to say complicated things.it was good. good luck

Hello, Kelpies! IronSpark here.

So here are my nitpicks:

1. Sometimes you double space after periods, sometimes you don't. It has to be consistent.

2. You say "And then we went thrift store shopping. We were all at the thrift store, and my father had basically said "go nuts"." It's kind of repetitive-we know you're at the thrift store already.

3. "We were all at the thrift store, and my father had basically said "go nuts"." Could you phrase this differently? If you want to incorporate some dialogue, that'd be good, too.

4. "I didn't find any, but I found two pairs of cowboy boots. One had rattlesnake skin around them, but they wouldn't have gone with anything I owned, and I don't really like yellow, so I returned them to their shelf. Then I pulled down the other pair, these ones were black leather. " Sorry for the long quote, but this is a long way of saying that you looked at some pairs, then chose one.

5. Sometimes you use some commas in awkward places (I'm the one to talk, I use commas WAY too often. ) Like here: "Then I pulled down the other pair, these ones were black leather."

Anyway, great story. This was really relatable for me.Some strange formatting in the last paragraph, but that may just be YWS being weird.

Keep writing, you're awesome!

-IronSpark

I really liked this. I liked that you included the picture as a visual for what your cowboy boots specifically looked like.

I've gone through what you go through. Instead of boots though, I chose sneakers and decided to jog to lose weight. I started dressing in ways that made me feel more confident. I'm really glad something so simple made you happy!

At first, I was iffy about this because it's an odd sort of short story. But it's really beautiful the way you captured the idea of being more confident in yourself despite what you look like rather than becoming confident in yourself by changing your appearance. If your feet are spread that wide, I think it would be a healthy thing to lose weight. For health reasons. But confidence is also a really healthy thing, so I'm glad you found it. Overall, I could really relate to your emotions and how you were feeling and I'm glad you had the courage to post your story. Great job! I can't wait to read more from you. Keep Writing!

XOXO,
Gravity