My computer freaked out and posted the review twice so this is where the repeated review was... oops. The actual review is below. Idk what happened.
Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Three days. Three days since I last saw my brother. Three days since I killed my parents. Three days since the whole world went to utter shit. I've been staying at my house hoping my brother will show up knowing there is no sense in hoping these days. It's either you fight or you die trying. My brother, Dustin, disappeared after going out one night to hunt for food. I had warned him not to go, but obviously him being as stubborn as can be the idiot left anyways. Ever since he left I have felt empty inside; needing him here because he was the only person who was able to keep me sane. I should probably mention that me and Dustin are twins. The only noticeable difference is that I have a butterfly shaped birthmark on the corner of my right eye. The rest of our features are pretty much identical; same copper colored eyes, same straight raven hair, same small narrow nose, same honey tanned skin, and same high cheekbones. I move around our house or what is left of it. Some time after the break out of the I want to eat your brains virus, groups of people were torching houses hoping to kill the people in there. Apparently, those people thought that if they could kill those people there wouldn't be so many infected. And my brother wondered why I did the occasional stupid thing. I go to my parent's room already covering my nose for the smell to come, knowing it won't do anything to mask the stench. I poke my head around the corner, my gag reflex kicking in the second I see the bodies. Bodies that had once been my parents before I killed them. Sure Dustin had said I didn't have a choice, but that doesn't change the fact that they had once been my parents. My mom got bitten by one of the infected while she was out with dad collecting food. Dad had brought her home probably thinking in his grief that she would somehow survive; that night my mom turned and was able to bite our father before any of us could react. I was forced to put a bullet in my mom's head and then in our dad's after he begged me to end it before it got worse. I turn my head away before I end up blowing chunks everywhere. I contemplate leaving the house due to the desperate need for food and other resources, but once that thought pops into my mind I automatically discard it remembering the reason I'm still here in the first place. My brother.
I have been sitting here on the couch for about 20 minutes not knowing what to do. I get up, finally deciding to do something about Dustin. In my room, getting ready to leave the house for the first time in three days, I try to think of different places my brother could be. I don't bother thinking about the possibility of my brother being dead or technically undead. I can't. I walk out the front door in a black tee shirt with a long sleeved thermal over it, black hoodie, and cargo pants with tights underneath. To other people it would seem like a lot, but once you've been through one New Jersey winter you know how to prepare. I'm alert, looking all around my surroundings for zombies, holding the Smith and Wesson handgun in my right hand. My dad had been teaching Dustin and I how to be experts at guns and gun shooting since we were 11 years old up until... that night. I'm almost at the end of my street when I hear a sound somewhere between a groan and a screech. I shift my whole body around, muscles tense, my hand automatically pointing my gun where the sound is coming from. My whole body tenses at the sight of a zombie running- as much as it can at least- straight toward me. I'm telling myself that I have to shoot, but for some reason my finger on the trigger refuses to move. Once the zombie is about five feet away from me, my body decides to come out of its fear induced stupor and I shoot hitting it square in the forehead. Maybe finding my brother isn't going to be the only problem I'm going to have to deal with. Amazing.
My computer freaked out and posted the review twice so this is where the repeated review was... oops. The actual review is below. Idk what happened.
This is my first ever review on this website and I have no idea how things work here so if you don't want a review then ignore this idk. I used to be a reviewer on another website so hopefully I'm not too rusty?
I just wanted to comment on a few mistakes in grammar I saw first:
"Ever since he left I have felt empty inside; needing him here because he was the only person who was able to keep me sane."
In that sentence, a semi-colon isn't needed because the two ideas aren't two separate full sentences. It should be a comma. You only use semi-colons in the place of periods, or when you're doing complicated lists.
"I turn my head away before I end up blowing chunks everywhere. I contemplate leaving the house due to the desperate need for food and other resources, but once that thought pops into my mind I automatically discard it remembering the reason I'm still here in the first place. My brother."
This is strange because you switched tenses into the present, when the incident being described was in the past. It would make more sense to have it in the past, to keep the timeline of events not confusing.
You can spell out numbers like "20" to "twenty."
"parent's room" should be "parents' room" because parents is plural, so when you have a posessive the apostrophe should go afterwards.
As far as voice goes, I like it, but there are a few awkward stumbles. Like, "I should probably mention that Dustin and I are twins" seems to be a lot of telling rather than showing. Also, this may be a personal thing just for me but usually readers don't need to know what the characters look like before the story has even started. You can save the description for later and find a way to incorporate it that shows more about your characters rather than directly telling us about them.
All in all, I really like this chapter, especially the second paragraph! I feel like that's where it gets interesting, and if you wanted to, you could start with that paragraph to draw the reader in and then bring in the exposition and backstory later on. That's obviously something for revision, but I'm looking forward to reading more! 
You're a really good writer and I see a lot of potential in this story!
Yo! Buggie here for a review.
Now then, let's cut to the chase! (Just as a precaution, I'm rather blunt.)
Since there are actually a lot of sentences that are worded a little funny, most of them pertaining to comma placement, (like the one UnknownWriter pointed out earlier), I'll just leave you with that as a general comment.
Another thing is paragraph separation. Your paragraphs are really long. It's not a bad thing; I do it too with longer spurts of sensory detail. But you do need to separate things. This sentnece "I move around our house or what is left of it." especially should start a new paragraph. Whenever you make a switch from background information back to action, you need a new paragraph.
For style, I have two comments: The first is that you are sorely lacking in visual detail. I understand that adding a lot of scenic detail is pretty cumbersome in writing, but there are subtle ways of doing it. Pairing a description with how it affects the character(s) is my favorite way of adding in little details.
The second is that I really like Dawn's voice. (That is her name, right?) Like many popular characters going around right now, she's sassy, sarcastic, and generally critical of what's going on around her. Like Unknown said, the piece could use a little more of her internal thoughts and emotions, but her narration is still quite lovely. (Not the right word, but I like the way she talks).
I haven't read many zombie stories, so I have no idea what to say about plot stuffs, but I'd like to see where you take this story! If you don't mind, could you let me know when you put out chapter two?
-Bug
Hey greekdork!
I think this is very good!
Overall, you did great on describing the scenes.
But I think you could add a bit more emotion. Since you wrote in first person you should add what the narrator is thinking or feeling so readers can connect to the characters.
"I had warned him not to go, but obviously him being as stubborn as can be the idiot left anyways."
Even though I am really bad at comma placements I can hear a pause after "be" so I think there's supposed to be a comma after "be" but I may be wrong.
"I should probably mention that me and Dustin are twins. The only noticeable difference is that I have a butterfly shaped birthmark on the corner of my right eye."
I think that this line feels a little straight forward. (I don't think that that's the right term but you know what I mean) I don't have a suggestion to rewrite it but I'm just letting you know.
"I shift my whole body around, muscles tense, my hand automatically pointing my gun where the sound is coming from."
There's nothing wrong with this but I just really like this sentence.
All in all, you did great! You just need to work on describing emotions of the MC. But this is awesome so far! (But I think I'm being biased because I'm also writing about zombies :3
I can't wait to read chapter two!
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