Young Writers Society

Hey, EmeraldEyes, Happy Ultimate Pokemon Awesomeness Team Plasma For The Win Review Day! About time, my friend.

So first, in the first line, "ok" should be "OK", or "okay" if you prefer.

"Katy would like to tell you that Katy is not ok."

All the rest was fine. Proofread, revise, edit, and be awesome. The most I can tell you is I he you are on Plasma, not Aqua. Or Rocket. Just Plasma. Please, we need all the help we can get. You, my friend, is help.

(About time I leave you a review in return for all the Book Man reviews, eh?)

The opening of this poem is really strong. Its language is simplistic, yet I don't feel myself wanting further metaphors or imagery. The stark language reminds me of a hospital room, which is appropriate to a poem like this.

Now, I'm not sure about the "has eaten a whole cake" line. Is this a sign that Katy is a person who eats her feelings, i.e. she was depressed, so she ate a whole cake? Or is this supposed to point to some sort of other eating disorder, i.e. bulimia? Or was the eating of a whole cake a suicide attempt (kind of a poor one, unless she's allergic to one of the ingredients, has diabetes, or...uh...something like that)? I'm just wondering at the intention behind this line, and also: why a cake? A cake is usually something associated with birthday parties and happiness and togetherness, so this is an awfully grim use of one. I could see that being intentional, for sure, in an "oh, the irony" kind of way...I'm just wondering about the line as a whole.

The second part of the poem--starting after "Katy doesn't want to be understood anymore"--confused me at first, because, while the first part made her sound suicidal, the second part...actually, you know what it was? Because the first part was so dismal and there was no obvious turn-around or clear progression to a turn-around, or even a break in stanzas to symbolize a turn-around, I took the "beating herself" part...uh...(don't freak out)...well, literally.

But now I guess you meant "beating herself" like "defeating the part of her that wants to commit suicide/is depressed/doesn't like herself."

I would say, on that note, there are two lines that confused me:

Katy just wants to stop pretending and be someone else.
Because for her, there isn't pain in life.

Nice work! This is a well written piece, I found it to be both powerful and thought-provoking. Keep up the good work.

0-0 This is my name (well almost)! 0-0

Wow. What a powerful poem! Great job!

Okay, so let's talk about the beauty of this piece!

First, I do have a little question concerning my confusion with the beginning part of this poem... So, I just want some clarity about the first few lines or so. So, at first I thought she was suicidal, then you say that death isn't an option... So, why did she eat a whole cake? Did she try to commit suicide, got an appointment at the hospital, and decided in the midst of that that she didn't want to ever try and take her life away again? I believe that I understand the entire second part of the poem, but it's just the beginning that's kind of put me through a loop!

Now, I really love SO many things about this piece. I adore the fact that you repeat "Katy" so many times; it just makes the piece that much more powerful. And I love that you use a semi-casual tone that makes the poem seem personalized, like Katy is almost telling it herself. It makes the emotions more prominent, and allows the reader to feel closer to Katy and understand her more. So great job there, too!

And the emotion in this piece was phenomenal! I could understand that Katy was feeling a little lost, but she was determined to fight through and win the battle against herself. You had absolutely no problem conveying emotion whatsoever, so congrats there!

This was a seriously awesome piece, so pride yourself!! Keep up the amazing work!!