Young Writers Society

This is an amazing poem that thoroughly and accurately describes depression and loneliness. That is a difficult thing to do, unless you have suffered through it at some point. The character in this story is also put together quite well. They match the theme of the poem, which just makes this piece better. Now, I will start the review.

This poem, at least in my eyes, has somewhat forced rhymes. Rhymes should flow through the piece rather than squishing themselves into the ends of lines. Take for example the second stanza. Yes, all and ball do rhyme, but read it to yourself for a second. Does that stanza flow as much as the others? Maybe it's just me, but I think the rhymes seem slightly choppy.

What can I say is good about this poem..? Basically everything else. The punctuation and capitalization seems spot on. The length of this poem is just long enough for us to know the character's feelings. The character itself is amazing. They are stuck in this mindset that they have no purpose, along with the things they create. That is why they end up alone, at least that's how they see it. They say they aren't suicidal, but I have a feeling that will come. Even though they aren't suicidal, they are an alcoholic, which may explain why they show aggression in the fifth stanza. Overall, this is an accurate poem to describe the so-called rock bottom feeling we all get at some point.

Keep writing, and never give up. Don't let others leave you, give them a reason to stay.

I don't want to say that I like it, because then I would feel like I'm cashing in on your inner turmoil like some kind of tourist at a side show. But I found it to be very poignant and moving. It is honest. I particularly related to the line "my family's full of strangers" there is no Poetic hinting here ... No beating around the bush. It is a true testimony to how you're feeling. Being isolated in the one place you are told you belong but you only feel you belong biologically. So the clarity if your subject matter is on point.
Your rhyming scheme is a classic simple aa bb which I'm not usually a fan of but here it works because it mirrors the simplistic nature of your language.
So all round good work in my opinion.

Hi.

I don't think you should have chosen that title unless you were being ironic?
I think it sends out a bad message.
Your writing is very melodramatic, but the reader knows that as it has been pointed out in this work's title.
What is this work really about?

I feel so hurt and alone,
I'm just fed up with it all.
But if you want to try it out
Go and have a ball!

Why do I even write this stuff?
Nobody ever reads it...
And those who do read this will thrash it
And call it nothing but shit.

I'm just tired of it all,
I need a drink.

Hmm well yes a little cheesy but a little cheese every now and then doesnt hurt. It tastes quite good. Bet that came off as brash, but its actually a compliment Anyways, your poem is well structured, you find a level of organization that I usually cant be bothered with but I can really see how it helps with the enjoyment of a poem. And your rhymes are good, your drudgerys such as "But if good moments happen, I'll bet theyre not mine" have a sort of bitter humour to them, and theyre well said. As for the melodrama asspect, people so often condemn cliches as a bad thing, when in reality they often ARE reality which is why theyre cliches (; So if you feel like your being to sentimental, dont, thats what petry is largely about, communicating the vast amount of emotion and raw thought that he human brain is capable if generating, in a way that no other medium can. Also, dont beat yourself up for estrangement, people are born apart, and sometimes they dont come together. Im sure if you keep on trucking youll find your way and to be fed up with 18 years isnt so bad. So dont beat yourself up. Since Im starting to rant,
Ill close with this. In this poem you successfuly conveyed your frustration. And thats all there is to it. Overall good job. Keep writing.