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16+

Some More Melodramatic B.S. That Nobody Will Read

by wtppowers


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

You don't know what it's like to be me
You wouldn't want to try,
Because my life is such crap
It'd make you want to cry.

I feel so hurt and alone,
I'm just fed up with it all.
But if you want to try it out
Go and have a ball!

My family's full of strangers
And my friends all drifted away.
My first love was a lesbian,
What more can I say?

People ignore me all the time
Every time I show my face.
Nobody cares about how I feel,
I'm just a disgrace.

Why do I even write this stuff?
Nobody ever reads it...
And those who do read this will thrash it
And call it nothing but shit.

Maybe things will improve
With the progression of time.
But if good moments happen,
I'll bet they're not mine.

I'm not suicidal
If that's what you think.
I'm just tired of it all,
I need a drink.


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12 Reviews


Points: 302
Reviews: 12

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Tue Jul 15, 2014 2:48 pm
Lonely wrote a review...



This is an amazing poem that thoroughly and accurately describes depression and loneliness. That is a difficult thing to do, unless you have suffered through it at some point. The character in this story is also put together quite well. They match the theme of the poem, which just makes this piece better. Now, I will start the review.

This poem, at least in my eyes, has somewhat forced rhymes. Rhymes should flow through the piece rather than squishing themselves into the ends of lines. Take for example the second stanza. Yes, all and ball do rhyme, but read it to yourself for a second. Does that stanza flow as much as the others? Maybe it's just me, but I think the rhymes seem slightly choppy.

What can I say is good about this poem..? Basically everything else. The punctuation and capitalization seems spot on. The length of this poem is just long enough for us to know the character's feelings. The character itself is amazing. They are stuck in this mindset that they have no purpose, along with the things they create. That is why they end up alone, at least that's how they see it. They say they aren't suicidal, but I have a feeling that will come. Even though they aren't suicidal, they are an alcoholic, which may explain why they show aggression in the fifth stanza. Overall, this is an accurate poem to describe the so-called rock bottom feeling we all get at some point.

Keep writing, and never give up. Don't let others leave you, give them a reason to stay.




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20 Reviews


Points: 331
Reviews: 20

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Tue Jul 15, 2014 2:02 pm
Booshian wrote a review...



I don't want to say that I like it, because then I would feel like I'm cashing in on your inner turmoil like some kind of tourist at a side show. But I found it to be very poignant and moving. It is honest. I particularly related to the line "my family's full of strangers" there is no Poetic hinting here ... No beating around the bush. It is a true testimony to how you're feeling. Being isolated in the one place you are told you belong but you only feel you belong biologically. So the clarity if your subject matter is on point.
Your rhyming scheme is a classic simple aa bb which I'm not usually a fan of but here it works because it mirrors the simplistic nature of your language.
So all round good work in my opinion.




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200 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 200

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Tue Jul 15, 2014 8:50 am
EmeraldEyes wrote a review...



Hi.

I don't think you should have chosen that title unless you were being ironic?
I think it sends out a bad message.
Your writing is very melodramatic, but the reader knows that as it has been pointed out in this work's title.
What is this work really about?


I feel so hurt and alone,
I'm just fed up with it all.
But if you want to try it out
Go and have a ball!


So this character is basically miserable and doesn't want people to try and help them, they just want to be left alone.


Why do I even write this stuff?
Nobody ever reads it...
And those who do read this will thrash it
And call it nothing but shit.


There is a very aggressive tone in this work which I don't like to be honest, it's like accusing the rest of the world for the character's problems.


I'm just tired of it all,
I need a drink.


It looks like you have made this character an alcoholic. That's consistent with the image of the depression, grumpy character you have here. Thoroughly created. Well done.

:)




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54 Reviews


Points: 361
Reviews: 54

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Tue Jul 15, 2014 3:28 am
LanguidLiger wrote a review...



Hmm well yes a little cheesy but a little cheese every now and then doesnt hurt. It tastes quite good. Bet that came off as brash, but its actually a compliment (: Anyways, your poem is well structured, you find a level of organization that I usually cant be bothered with but I can really see how it helps with the enjoyment of a poem. And your rhymes are good, your drudgerys such as "But if good moments happen, I'll bet theyre not mine" have a sort of bitter humour to them, and theyre well said. As for the melodrama asspect, people so often condemn cliches as a bad thing, when in reality they often ARE reality which is why theyre cliches (; So if you feel like your being to sentimental, dont, thats what petry is largely about, communicating the vast amount of emotion and raw thought that he human brain is capable if generating, in a way that no other medium can. Also, dont beat yourself up for estrangement, people are born apart, and sometimes they dont come together. Im sure if you keep on trucking youll find your way and to be fed up with 18 years isnt so bad. So dont beat yourself up. Since Im starting to rant,
Ill close with this. In this poem you successfuly conveyed your frustration. And thats all there is to it. Overall good job. Keep writing.





May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death.
— An Unknown Bride, Leap Year